


Velocity [FRERARD]

by MillionsofBureaus



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Cars, Frerard, M/M, Romance, StreetRacing, Velocity - Freeform, dirty - Freeform, mychemicalromance - Freeform, smuts, speed - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MillionsofBureaus/pseuds/MillionsofBureaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard enjoys doing an activity during his free time; street racing. He love street races since he was still in highschool. Influenced by his friends and brother —Mikey, Bob, Ray— he became a racer in his hometown;  Belleville, New Jersey. </p><p>At one night, Mikey was just playing around, doubting that Gerard will want to do it. He instantly regrets doing so because it leads to Gerard meeting Frank, another street racer.</p><p>Through a lot of circumstances, incidents and heavy weigh burdens, can they be together in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Faster Will Give More Chances, I Suppose.

**Author's Note:**

> Early warnings for violence, sexual scenes and homosexuality and perhaps for drugs.
> 
> There's a lot of grammatical errors throughout this story so I apologize for all of them.

"I bet you won't win if you have a race with this kid." My brother, Mikey, spoke up suddenly. He came out of nowhere, and I was just ready to pick up my keys from on the table.

"Who is that kid? What car did he use?" I asked, seemed to have some interest in the topic he's speaking about, although I doubt his words.

No one will if they have a race with me. Clearly, I have the greatest techniques, and probably, the fastest car.

"He uses a McLaren 12c. I think his name is Frank." Mikey replied, picking up a mug and poured in some black liquid into it from the coffee maker.

"Isn't that car is too precious to even be driving on?" I almost laughed at my own awful joke but it's true. The car is just too fucking expensive. There's no use on it because it's has almost the same speed limit as our cars. And that's car is too modern, I added.

"It is. But he managed to keep the car save and unharmed."

"Have you raced with him already?" I asked, turning on my heel to face him whom is taking a sip from his mug. I started to feel like doing the same thing so I grabbed my mug from the cabinets and poured in some coffee.

"Oh, yeah." Mikey nodded, putting his mug onto the table. "I lost the race. His car is clearly faster than what we all had and I think you'll lose." He said in a convinced tone, and I can feel my stomach twisted at his words, but still, I'm not fully convinced because I haven't race with this Frank guy just yet.

"Is he free right now?" I mumbled through the mug, still drinking in the black liquid in peace.

"What did you say?" He leaned in slightly.

"I said, is he free right now?" I repeated, letting the mug to drop into the sink after I drunk the whole coffee in just one sip. I spread a wide grin of proudness upon my face, although how silly it is actually, I am pretty proud of myself.

"I don't know." Mikey gave a little shrug, putting his mug just beside mine before scratching the back of his neck. "I think Ray have his number. Why don't you just ask him?" He suggested, putting a hand on my shoulder, with his eyebrows rose slightly.

"I don't have Ray's number." I admitted quietly, feeling crimson coating my cheek in a second. I barely even talk to him, or any of my other 'friends'. Our team is comprising with four people; Me, Mikey, Ray and Bob. Each of us went to the same school years ago, and right now, I am twenty- five, along with Ray. Mikey is twenty- four as well as Bob. We are raised by rich families, and have decent, fast cars as our eighteenth birthday present. Well, every of us have planned all of this since in high school.

And still, I don't know why I never have their phone number, well, except for Mikey's. He's my brother and probably my only closest friend. But since we both met Ray and Bob, he's gotten closer to them, further from me, but nothing really changes.

Because their no chance that I'm going to let things between us change.

"oh, jeez, Gee. I'll text his number to you." He slid his phone out of his front pocket, unlocking it in an instant. I don't know his password, so he faced the screen fully in his direction so I cannot see it. But why the hell would I like to know his password? There no use of it. I hummed in response. "Do you need Bob's number either?" He asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.

I pressed my lips together, letting a few thin line formed on my forehead as I was thinking. "Okay." I muttered, trying to find things that can distract me in this house. But there's none, well, maybe except from going to the 'art room'. My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignore it because I know where that come from.

"So, do you like, have a race with someone tonight?" Mikey asked as I was just going to pick the keys on the table, like what I planned earlier. I thought for a second, placing my fingers under my chin and looked up at the ceiling.

"Probably. I dunno." I shrugged, going a few feet forward and picked up the keys before jingling them in my hands.

"If Frank is free tonight, would you have a race against him?" He asked after an agonizing moment of staring at each other that last for more than one minute.

"Maybe, it depends on him." I shrugged again, going closer to the front room.

"You're going out, aren't you?" He asked, and the answer is obviously right in front of his eyes. I chuckled softly, shaking my head and glared at him.

"What does it looks like I am going to do?" I moved myself into the front room, seeing the big staircase before me, and the other room at the other end of the room.

"If you're going to race with this kid, I'll give you some advise." Mikey informed, following right behind me. His shoulder was brushed against mine as he passed me.

"Who are you to give me advice anyway?" I shook my head, a smirk of amusement formed on my face.

"Just, listen, Gerard. If you lose this race, don't get too depress. I don't think mom can take it anymore." He stated simply, putting his hand on my shoulder whilst staring right into my hazel eyes. I sighed as an old, bad memory snuck into my mind.

It was a few years ago when I am last time seen depressed.I woke up, a few weeks after the incident took place, on the hospital bed. My stomach was wounded by a thick gauze and hell, I still remember that it hurt a lot.

Every of my family members filled the small room, each of them was crying, thinking that I am not going to survive because the doctor said that I should have woke up since the first day I stayed there. And they thought that I was going to die. The doctor almost pulled every socket of my life support, and he refused after my eyes fluttered open.

I shook my head, looking down on the ground. "I'm not going to repeat the past, Mikes. Just remember that." I spoke in a convinced tone, nodding to myself a few times.

"I'm still traumatized with the event, you know?" He pulled me into a hug, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck, taking in the warmth that he offered to me. He is so close to me right now, just like the old times. I can even smell his scent clearly. And I can tell that he haven't showered two days straight but I didn't care.

I love him; that's the only thing that I can feel when I'm around him, the only emotion that surrounds me when he's near me. I love him more than I love myself. It's because he's my baby brother, and also my only best friend. I don't consider Ray and Bob as my best friend though. They're just normal friends.

"Don't we all?" I replied, still having the edge of my nose gracing the skin of his neck and I can feel that my activity sent chills down his spine.

"Just, think about everyone before you make the decision to race against him, alright?" He pulled away, resting his hands on his hips like a sass diva, but he looked more awkward than he should.

"Yeah, whatever. We still don't guarantee that I'll lose if I race with him though." I muttered under my own breathe, but the room is so quiet that Mikey could hear it clearly.

"Just listen to my advice. No one knows what will happen unless the thing happened." I took in his words, understood everything he spoke because in my whole life, he was never wrong. He was always telling a person the truth and everyone listened to him because there's no way we would hesitate if the words came from in between his lips.

There's one thing I never tell anybody, just not yet. And maybe will not ever that I've tasted his lips before. I missed how my lips against his felt like. His soft, small, thin lips almost matched with mine, and moulded perfectly together.

We're probably drunk that time, but I still remember the taste on his lips. It's addicting as hell, but I managed to obstruct myself from tasting it for the second time. Although the memory floats freshly in my mind, I'm still going to prevent myself from doing anything wrong. Unless if that's what he ask me for.

We both enjoyed the kiss, totally. But there's something about it that just doesn't felt anywhere near right, so we didn't try it again. And we haven't try anything more than sharing a little kiss.

"I'm going out, taking some fresh air, from in my car, of course. I'll text Ray later on." I waved him goodbye and stepped closer to the garage door. He waved back in return and a small smile playing by his lips. I smiled back hesitantly, feeling a slight blush rose up my cheeks unexpectedly.

"I love you, Gee. You're the best brother that I've ever ask for." Mikey confessed, a bright smile stuck upon his face.

"I love you too, Mikes." I replied instantly, mirroring his expression before stepping into the garage. "More than what you could ever imagine." I whispered to myself, hoping he'd heard it but that's just impossible because my voice was so low and he's in the next room. I opened the garage door, revealing the wide front porch of my house. A car entered the area, which I assumed as my parents'.

I unlocked my car by the button on the keys and entered inside, igniting the engine as well as turning the heater on. I slid my phone out of my pocket. My original plan was to ask Ray for Frank's current information but I asked him to give me Frank's phone number instead. It's easier that way, I thought.

I tossed my phone onto the passenger front seat and reversed the car out of the garage carefully, just after my parents' car entered the garage and parked it right beside mine. My car was parked next to Mikey's.

I drove the car out of the area, through the front gate and onto the main road, heading into town. The town located twenty minutes from our house. Well, my dad picked the spot because he said it is the most perfect location to build a house. There's a gas station near our place, where I always buy cigarettes and liquors at. Well, I drink alcohol on some special occasions.

I looked around the area, seeing trees around me. I lowered the mirrored window a little bit, holding my hand out to feel the cold and damp fall breeze from the outside as it's currently on October.

I drove my Porsche 911 GT which I bought myself a year ago with my own money that only god knows where I found them all. I am going to buy a new one soon, I promised myself. I just needed a new car, which is faster so I can win a lot of prizes and eventually probably buy the fastest car in the world.

I grab the steering wheel with both of my hands tightly, after lifting up the mirror. My phone buzzed in the passenger seat, but I'm too busy driving on high speed right now.

I glanced at the clock, seeing it's just past four in the evening. Today will be so long, and probably full of fun and excitement.

I arrived at the not too big town, staring at the buildings before me and eventually parked my car in the parking lot of a park I usually spend most of my time at. I picked my phone up, unlocking it instantly and read the message Ray sent to me a while ago.

I inhale sharply, feeling my heart beat accelerates after I remembered what Mikey have said. I can't believe Mikey can lost against him. It's just hard to believe that Mkey fucking Way lost a race against a guy I never heard the name of.

I clicked on the screen, directly on the spot where the numbers were and clicked the button call. I neared my phone to my ear, hearing beeps a few times before someone answered the phone.

"Hello?" He asked, even after hearing his voice briefly, I instantly fell in love with it. It's addicting and I wanted to hear more.

"Oh, hey, Frank." I managed to spoke through my cracked voice. I should cleared my throat before speaking but I didnt.

"Hi, who is this?" He asked, and I almost broke into a grin after hearing his voice. I kind of have this weird obsession towards people's voice and at some time, I can't even control it myself.

"I'm a friend of... Ray, Gerard." I replied after a few seconds, hearing my voice shook makes me blush.

"Oh, Gerard. Ray had told me about you before. It's time to know each other." He spoke in a cheery voice and I can hear his smile through the speakers.

"Yeah." I managed to spoke just the short, simple word because I'm slightly mesmerized by Frank angelic voice. And perhaps, his face sounds the same.

"When can we meet up?" He eventually asked softly.

"How 'bout tonight?" I suggested shyly, and right now, my obsession towards someone's voice can't be helped by anybody. It's getting chronic each year, and I'm slightly irritated by it.

"Oh, alright. Where will we see each other?"

"At the park in the middle of Jersey Town. Is that okay?" I questioned anxiously, feeling my heartbeat pounding unconditionally against my ribs and my breathing is uneven.

"That's perfect. See you at seven." He said calmly. "Bye, Gee."

"Bye." I hung up immediately, feeling myself ablaze after he called me by the nickname Gee. My family is the one who usually called me Gee, but Frank isn't my family. He isn't anyone at all actually. I just known him less than an hour ago probably. But it felt different, like, totally.

I put my phone into my pocket, turning of the engine and snatched my jacket from the back seat. I pushed the door open, feeling the freezingly cold wind hitting gently against my face and ruffled my hair gently. I slid into my jacket as fast as I can before I freeze to death.

There's a mixture of feeling pooled inside my stomach, making me feeling slightly uneasy at my current condition. I never felt this way before, and this feeling is totally foreign to me. I think this Frank kid is the one who sent me this weird feeling, and I have a strong urge to know who he actually is.

\-----

I saw a black McLaren 12c parked just next to my car, and I can't even see the person inside that fucking car because the tinted on the mirror is way too dark to have a peek inside. But I assumes it as Frank's baby.

I still sat in my car, listening to the CD that I kept in with me for hours. I haven't left since I came here this evening, but I've walked at the park a while ago.

I don't know what is actually happening to myself, and I can feel myself consuming me slowly. I felt like I'm drowning in the water, and failed to reach the flat surface.

I didn't realize that someone knocked on the mirror of my car before it slams hard at the window. Full of annoyance, it seems. I scowled, looking straight at the figure outside. I just see black shadow, because its dark.

It's actually passed eight already. And Frank is late for an hour. Irritating isn't it.

I lowered the mirror slightly, just allowing myself to listen to what the stranger needs to say. "It's Frank. Let me in, it's freezingly cold right now. I'm going to freeze 'till death arrives to pick me up." The figure, who introduced himself as Frank, that man that I'm waiting for, speak up quickly.

I didn't hesitate to unlock the door and gestured at the seat next to me. Oh, and if you wanted to know, I turned on the light in my car because I can't live in darkness. I'm scared of the dark. Don't judge me or I'll smash your head with a brick that I stole from a factory that produces brick.

Frank nodded and walked over the car, all the way to the door of the passenger seat and climbed in. I avoided myself from looking at him, just in case I'm not ready to face what I will after his.

I take in a deep breath, feeling my tongue go numb and my throat feels dryer than before.

"Hey, Frank." I managed to choke out those words, just before I raised my head up and meet with his eyes.

At first, I thought that I was in a dream, but then, I realized that this is actually happening in real life. Those pair of hazel eyes stared into mine. And I think those are the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen in the world. I could even take my eyes off his eyes.

After a few seconds, I moved my eyes to look at his whole face, seeing the nose ring and lip ring that he's using, the thin, pale lips of his. The perfect eyebrow he owned, the cute nose in his features. His hair was brown, short but messy. His sleeves were covered in ink, the beautiful ones only. I almost can't believe the living creature that I've seen right before me to be real, but this couldn't be a dream as well because I don't remember sleeping.

This person, is what can be describes as perfect.


	2. Not A Loser If That's Just For Fun

I feel the insides of my stomach tingles, and I wanted to throw up because of this feeling that suddenly stuck at the bottom part of my stomach, as well as my breath that hitched in my throat making me even difficult to breathe normally.

I can't think straight as I stared deeper into his eyes, my words have stuck inside my throat, and there's so sign that it's going out later. I'm speechless by this stranger who sat with a confused expression before my eyes. I'm a creep, I can tell. He'll probably freak out later so I need to move on.

As I tried to search for words and topic to speak out, my mind have been cut by Frank clearing his throat, breaking ourselves out of the really uncomfortable silence that we stayed inside for a few awkward minutes. "It's a nice car that you got here." He remarked, and my ears blasted after hearing his voice once again.

I wanted to curl into a ball and slide myself under my bed, crying out loud to his angelic voice and the perfectness of his face. I wanted to reply to his sentence, to thank him for the compliment he offered to me, but I can't. My mouth refused to choke out any sentence that I wanted to say, and my brain refused to cooperate with my current situation.

"Hey, are you okay, Gerard?" Frank suddenly asked after I remained silent for a few minutes. Even if I tried to choke out a few words, I think I wouldn't make any sense so I refused to speak anything and nodded my head slowly, avoiding from looking at his face to prevent myself from freaking out even more. I breathe in sharply, feeling myself cooling down slightly and my heartbeat lowered to a normal pace that it used to be before the panic attack kicked in.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I managed to said those words clearly after I tried to build up a perfect sentence but still, I failed. All I managed was to repeated two words and It isn't enough to describe my current feeling at all. By any chances, he probably will climbed off my car and proceed on his own life like meeting me never really happens. And that probably will embarrassed me a lot and I will probably kill myself to hide the feeling that I keep inside that can't never go out.

"It's nice to meet you." I muttered, at last having the bravery to look at him in the eyes. His eyes were shiny. The brown tint in his hazel eyes making it look even more prettier but still, his eyes were both filled in with perfectness.

"It's nice to meet you too." He replied simply, smiling widely at me whilst lifting his hand, offering to give a handshake to me. I shook his soft hand awkwardly, feeling the skin of my hand burn under his touch but I managed to keep my expression as calm as I possibly could, not giving him any hint that a flame actually spread inside my body. "How are you today?" He asked suddenly after he pulled his hand away.

"I'm pretty good. And what about you?" This is the kind of conversation that I hated a fucking lot and I don't even know why I asked him back the question and not just move on with a topic that we could go through easily. I really hate myself, I really do. If I can rewind everything, I won't go and make the decision to meet up with him. But seeing him probably can make good changes in my life.

"Today is just shit. I lost a race with someone from another town." He confessed, rolling his eyes whilst folding his arms against his chest, resting back on his seat. "How long have you been waiting for me by the way?" He questioned, settling his gaze on me before flicking off the light. I scowled at him, switching on the light and slammed on his hands. He switched back the light off, and cupped on the switch so I couldn't switch it back on. "I like the dark." He excused, and I can see his smirk even in the dark, illuminated by the moonlight that managed to peek through the glasses.

I won't tell him that I hate the dark because I don't want to get embarrassed and just accept his decision to be in the dark. I blushed heavily, and thank god it is too dark to see the color on my fucking face.

"You haven't answer my question yet." He demanded, still having his hands crossed against his chest. His face was blank, with no expression. But if there's expression on his face, it's true that Mikey told me I am bad at reading people's face.

"Oh, umm, I don't exactly remember when." I lied easily, looking down back onto my lap, placing my hands on my thighs before moving my hands up and down. I can feel my cheeks heated up with no valid reasons but I think that this is totally fucking normal. I mean, I am very shy and sensitive. Plus, I blushed very easily. I am a bit surprised that he didn't ask me about why I wanted to meet up with him. I just wanted a race, it's a simple answer but I don't know if he would like to have a race against me.

"I'm sorry that I've been late. I was stuck in the traffic on my way to this place." He said, and I don't know if I have no doubt with his words. I glanced around us, seeing that there's no car at all on the road. The road is clearly vacant, and there's no cars parked at the parking lot. It's just us. We're totally alone together.

"I don't see any cars here." I said, gazing my eyes on him and I swear I can see him blushing slightly. He make an apologetic, kind of busted face, knowing that he'd been catch lying to me. Hah, no one can lie to Gerard at all. Then, we slipped back into a very uncomfortable silence where we're staring at each others blankly.

"You look so beautiful." Frank suddenly blurted out, and I can feel butterflies gathered in my stomach. My body started to shook so badly and I realized, my brain will be popping out of my head in any second. Frank squeaked as he realized what he just said, and he suddenly cupped his mouth. His eyes gazed at elsewhere but me. "I mean, your car is so beautiful." He covered up after a few seconds. But he's too late. My body have absorbed his words already and I'm going to die. I buried my face in my palms, having a struggle to breathe normally like what I should.

I can feel that Frank started to panicked slightly, or a lot. He rested a hand one my shoulder, probably trying to sedate. "Oh my god, I'm sorry that you freaked out. I didn't mean to say that." He said, patting my shoulder. "Look at me, Gerard. Look at me." He demanded, pulling my chin up so I faced him. I closed my eyes shut tightly, my mouth was agape, trying to breathe in the air through it.

"I can't." I whispered, still having both of my eyes shut. I inhale and then exhale through my mouth, repeating the same routine over and over again. I realized that my breathing started to get even, but I still am panic. My mind is fucking with me and I can't even think about something in the slightest.

"Just open your eyes." He whispered in my ears, and I butterflies erupted in my stomach. His voice sent chills down my spine, and goosebumps started to rise above my skin. I opened my eyes slowly, and once again met with the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen. I started to get calmer than I was before, and my body stopped from shaking. "I'm so sorry if what I said really does take over your mind, but that was just an accident." He said softly, his eyes were pleading for me to chill my ass down. And it did work. I took in his words, believing it like the idiot I am.

"So, do you know who is the guy that uses a Corvette C7?" He asked after a few minutes, and I leaned back, sitting straight in my seat and gazing towards the park, seeing the lights that filled in the park, illuminated by the street lamps that were settled all along the place. 

"That is Ray, I think." I remembered the car that he uses. "He is my friend." I added, although I just have his phone number late this evening, he is still one of my friends. I have a really tiny amount of friends and you probably knew who they are. I didn't know why but I didn't socialize. I always thought that people wouldn't want to be my friend because I've buried in my ego and probably because I'm sensitive as hell. I used to be a loner, and I would lock myself in my room, drawing shits on papers. But that moment passed by easily not so long after I met with Ray and Bob.

My brother is the one who introduced them to me, and at first, I didn't have any interest on being their friend. But after knowing them even better, I started to notice that we have a lot thing in common and I thought that I could give it a try. I became their friends, and we always hang out together almost everyday. I still don't know why I didn't have their number before this. Usually, Mikey is the one who would contact them and telling us to meet somewhere. Probably I don't have the interest to have people's phone numbers stacked in my phone so I didn't ask them for their's.

"Do you know that he scratched my car? I need to polish it again after this." He pouted, looking at his car with pure sadness shaped by his eyebrows.

"Wow, why would he do that to you?" I asked, slightly amused at Ray's braveness to scratch someone's car that was painted black. It must be really obvious because of the color and everyone might have seen it already.

"I think he did that because I beat his boyfriend in a one round race a few days ago." Frank giggled, and I swear, that is the most cute sound I've ever heard in my whole life. 

"What car did his boyfriend use?" I asked, having a small interest in the conversation, but still moving on through it because I know there's not much that we can talk about. To prevent myself from getting bored, I just ask more question. Probably more than I should ask him.

"He uses a Dodge Viper ACR, I think. It's green and shiny with black stripes across the car." He added the details a little bit and I know whose car is that. It's Mikey's. Frank saying that Ray is Mikey boyfriend made me laugh at the realization. I can't help myself from bursting out laughter that aren't even necessary at all. Frank sent me a confused look that clearly featured upon his facial expression and I laughed even more. "What's so funny?" He asked, smiling slightly as he pushed my arm with a force, startling me.

"That's my brother that lost the race." I admitted, feeling a new shade of color crept up my cheek.

"Oh, really? Oh my god, I can't believe this. Ask him to pay for the scratch that his boyfriend made." He still uses Ray's character as his boyfriend. At first, I thought that it's just a joke but hearing him repeating Ray as Mikey's boyfriend once again makes me want to ask Mikey for the truth. Why have he never tell me that Ray is his boyfriend? He shouldn't even keep that as a secret because I'm his brother and I'll accept his sexuality or even who he is dating with. 

"I'll ask him to pay for it later, I promise." I chuckled again, looking out of the window and then I realized the point of meeting him. I thought about having a one round race with him today but could I do that? I think I can. "I want you to know the reason I set up this meeting." I bit on my lip, settling my gaze on him whilst raising an eyebrow.

"What is your reason?" He asked just right after those words slipped in between my lips, looking at me from under his eyelashes.

I bit on my bottom lip again, and right now, I bit down harder than I did before. I hope he'll accept my invitation to race against him. Damn, I think he'll like to have a race against me. "I, I wanted to have a race against you." I said, just below a whisper, feeling my inner burst out.

He laughed. He fucking laughed at me, probably. I cracked into a fake smile, feeling silly at my statement just before this. I felt all of my hopes and dreams crushed into thousands of small pieces, but I think I still have some chances because he haven't said anything just yet.

"I would like to have a race against you." He finally said, and I feel my breath getting slightly thicker and my body started to get even calmer. I smiled genuinely, staring into his eyes even deeper.

"Let's get it started." I whispered.

"Alright." He grinned cheekily, offering to give a high five so I slammed my palm against his hand. "And we're will the race ends?" He asked, and I mentally face palmed myself. This is probably the most difficult thing to think about because I don't exactly know where is the best place to end a race. But I think my house, that's located twenty fucking minutes out of town is the best location.

"My house." I said easily, but not thinking properly. He don't even know where my house is. What the fuck, Gerard?

"And where the hell is that?" Exactly. I have already figured out that he'll ask that question to me. He uses a McLaren 12C, right? He must have a GPS and will easily know the route to my place. I told him the address of my house before he climbed onto his car, setting everything out. I gave him a thumbs up before we got out of the parking lot, fixing our cars in the center of the vacant road.

I gave him another thumbs up before I burnt out the tires and sped up like a bat out of hell. I looked briefly towards the side of my car, exactly at his direction. He is at the same line as I am, speeding towards the place I called as home.

I fixed my eyes to the road, focusing on driving the car like a madman. Everything that passes around me looks blurry, and I bet the world outside is windy as hell could be. My insides shook hard because of the speed I am driving on, but my brain is still keep safely inside my skull, not going elsewhere like when I panicked the hell out.

I saw Frank's car passed me, and I scowled at the speediness that his car offered. I've tried my best to drive as fast as I can, but still need to lower the speed because we're still in town. I don't exactly want to get caught by the police but with what we've done right now, there's a huge change the police will be after us. But I don't care, the only thing that I set in my mind is home. Not exactly wanted to win this race because I know his car is faster.

I don't know why my ego lowered suddenly when I'm confronted with Frank. I just known him for not so long, but I have this weird feeling towards him. A feeling that I can't even comprehend it myself. It's a foreign feeling that suddenly made it's way up my body, playing around me. It's really new, and I never felt like this towards anyone in my life before, at all.

Although its kind of horrific knowing that my friends scratched his car, I still wanted us to be friends. I mean, me, Mikey, Ray, Bob and Frank to be friends. I wanted to form a group with him, with them all. 

I sped up my car a little bit, and we at last left the town behind. All that I see before my eyes is the light of Frank's black McLaren. It's pitch black outside, with not even a street lamp being placed near us. There are trees all around us, and I can only see the ones with bright colored leaves because with this speed I'm driving on, I can't really see anything except for blurriness that surrounds both of us.

I noticed that there's no chance that I;m going to win this fucking race and I think I should just surrender myself. He's car is clearly faster than mine, and I can't help the fact that my car is slower. I planned to buy a new one, but I don't know when.

As I still keeping my car exactly on the road, the car that Frank uses drifted and it was turning around towards my direction, further down the road from the gate of my house. I braked into a stop, looking at the evil grin he offered and then I realized that the gate of my house is closed shut. So that means that the front of my house is our final destination for this one round race and he won because he passed the front of my house first.

I know that this would happen and the way he drifted just now really mesmerized me a lot. I wanted to scream like a cracked fangirl that is standing in the very front line, seeing her favourite singer jumped of the stage and onto the roaring crowd, on top of her.

I sighed, although I know that this would really happen, I still am disappointed. This is probably the first time I lost a race against someone. Just as I drove the car slowly towards the front gate, wanting to slide it open with the button on one of my keys, my phone buzzed. I ignored it and just slicked on the button before driving my car carefully to the front porch. There's no sign of Frank so I thought that he's the one who sent me a message, probably.

I parked my car inside the garage, before searching for my phone that I believed was tossed on the front passenger seat. But when I looked at the seat, my phone isn't there and I started to panic slightly. And then I heard another buzz, and then there's a low light flashing from under the seat.

I smiled sillily and picked up my phone from under the seat, seeing that it's true Frank sent me a few messages. I unlocked my phone instantly, reading through out the few messages that he sent.

The first one is, "Hah, you lost!" and the second one is, "It's really fun today but unfortunately, I have another job to do. So, goodnight. Actually, I'm looking forward for this more." 

I smiled, still holding my phone in my hands and climbed off my car, sighing a contented sigh because hell yes I'm going to do this again if we have the chance. And probably, there's a bet.


	3. Apparently, It's Just Some Fucking Fantasies.

I walked inside the house, not forgetting to shut off the garage door and made my way to the front room. I set my gaze on Mikey, whom is sitting on the couch, playing lame video games on the Xbox. I cleared my throat, stepping closer to him before sitting on the spot just right next to him. I pulled my legs up, cross legging it.

He seemed to notice my presence and paused his video game just right after. "So, who won?" He suddenly asked, and I swear my heart will pop out of my own chest if he use an even louder tone. I sighed, looking defeated as I looked down onto my own lap, scratching the back of my neck nervously.

"Frank." I answered simply, raising my head a little to look at his face. He looked amused, knowing that he's write and I am wrong. He chuckled, punching me playfully on my arms without any valid reason to do it.

"I told so." He muttered, smiling really wide that it looks like the corners of his mouth will rip soon. The smile reached his eyes and I barely saw him in this condition. He always smiles, but just not as big and bright like what he did right now. Every time I saw him smiling, it's like a very heavy weigh being like lifted off my chest, knowing that he's happy and not suffering from anything that could be.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." My cheeks being masked by a really dark red, heating up my cheek slowly. I remembered that I had a sudden panic attack back then, went I was in the car with him. It's really embarrassing knowing that I'm a really weak person, but I can't help myself. It's natural for me to have a panic attack without any reasons.

"Why are you blushing?" Mikey asked with a questioning look, and I swallowed hard. I tried to cover myself by looked elsewhere but him. Search for an answer, Gerard. It's a simple question. 

"He asked me to tell you that your boyfriend scratched his car." I managed to find something else, but it's clearly not the reason why I am blushing. I just hoped that he'll drop his question because it isn't necessary for me to answer.

Then, it's his turn to blush, covering his face in his palms, avoiding from my sight. I just laughed lightly, staring at him and feeling slightly amused. "He's not my boyfriend." He protested. His body calmed visibly, but he's face is still buried in his hands.

"Then who is he?" He poked his ribs, wanting him to answer my question or I'll to it again. I poked once again, trying to annoy him. "How do you know that I'm referring to him?" I asked, poking continuously.

"I shouldn't tell you this but he is-" He cut his own words, pressing deeper into his own palms. His voice can barely be heard but with the ears that I have, I heard it clearly.

"He is what?" I poked harder for what I wanted it to be the last time because the edge of my finger started to hurt slightly by the pressure I've given on him.

"My boyfriend. Now please stop poking me, can you?" He lowered his hands on to his lap, and his face were open for my eyes to see. His cheeks were obviously crimson and he bit down on his lips.

"Why have you never tell me before?" I chocked out, smacking my hands on my thighs with such a small force so I didn't hurt myself. He shook his head, moving his eyes to meet mine. "Why?" I asked again. but now with a lighter tone.

"I don't won't you to judge me." He replied, just above a whisper. His eyes saddens and a realization suddenly hit me hard in the face. I felt hurt mentally and emotionally.

He's afraid if I would judge him for who he's dating with. Who am I to do that? What is my position right now to judge him? I never thought that I would ever judge anyone, but there must be reasons why he refused to tell. Probably I've hurt him before, or even maybe I've judge him before.

I'm not the person who judge but I'm certainly confused on why he never tell who he is dating with. I'm a terrible brother to him. What have I done until he so scared if I'd judge him?

"I won't judge you." My voice cracked and hoarse. My backbone suddenly shivered slightly and goosebumps arise slowly up my own skin. I felt horribly uncomfortable with my condition right now. I felt weak.

He shook his head, forcing a smile to stick upon his lips. He lowered his gaze, staring blankly at the coffee table in front of us. His hands were clenched into fists and I got worried more than what I should. This feeling that raise up my body is just full of guiltiness. I never thought that this feeling was stored inside of me. It doesn't feel new, but it felt really old, like it's naturally in there since I came out of the womb.

"Let's not talk about this." He shook his head again, and a tear shed from his eyes. I new wave of guiltiness wash over myself, soaking me in a water crowded by jaws. I let the conversation to drop at the point, searching for new topic to talk about.

Mikey brought his legs up, wrapping his hands around them securely. I should go, and probably just check for something to eat in the kitchen. I didn't think that he'll want to talk to me again for tonight. Well I hope his memory will just hover around for tonight and not the other days.

I stood up, making my way across the room and into the kitchen. I peek into the fridge, seeing a chocolate cake that my mom probably baked for tea time this evening. Or she bought this at the cake shop to eat for tea time. Wherever this cake came from, I'll still going to eat it.

I slid it out of the fridge, putting it on the counters next to me before picking up a fork from one of the drawers. I placed the plate of one sliced cake and a fork onto the single island, sitting myself on the stool.

This is where I've always had my breakfast. I usually eat my meal alone because I'm not the person who like to interact socially to everyone, not even to my parents, except for Mikey, Ray and Bob.

I poked the cake with the fork, suddenly losing my appetite without any reason that I can accept. Like always, almost everything that happens in my life has no acceptable reason attach to it. It annoys me most of the time, because clearly, almost every decision that I've made is wrong.

"You're home!" A girly high pitched voice came out from nowhere, making me almost fall from the stool I'm sitting on. I tilt my head to the side to see who that is, and all I saw is Bob.

"I swear to god if you do it again, I'm going to kill someone." I cried, clutching my hand close to my chest. When I was surprised by him, the rate of my pulse picked up abruptly and right now, it is still the same.

"Kill me, then." He said, walking closer to me. I managed to make my heartbeat back to what it used to.

"Killing isn't something that we can do for fun, Bob." I replied, shaking my head. Th came in front of my had long forgotten. I haven't even take a bite from it.

"But killing is fun." He said easily, taking his seat on the stool next to me and slid my plate so it is now in front of him. He shoved a forkful and eat it instantly.

"Yeah, sometimes it is." I agreed, simply let him win. I stood up, not even an anguish of hungriness set inside me. I feel like my body was filled up by guiltiness and air already.

"Hey, wait, Geetard." He called, just as I wanted to leave the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks, turning my body around and hummed in response. "What wrong with Mikey over there?" He questioned, his mouth was filled with cakes.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him yourself?" I spat out easily, but not rough enough that it's an insult to him. I stepped out of the kitchen, ignoring Mikey whom is still crying in front of the television and just made my way up the stairs. I walked into the hall in the second floor, until I reached the end of it to another stairs.

My house is pretty big, and what is up there isn't a basement, surely. It is my room, probably the biggest space I've ever had in my whole life. My bedroom is half the size of the third floor, actually belonged to my grandmother. But after she passed away, I took the room, making sure that it wouldn't be empty.

The room had been renewed, with new furniture except for the desk. The desk was from my old room, the only furniture that I kept because I'm really comfortable with it. I entered my room, taking the very familiar scent filling into my lungs before exhaling to release carbon dioxide.

I switched the light on, stepping deeper into the room before closing the door shut behind me carefully, prevent from making any noise than probably can startle my parents that were certainly asleep right now. They always sleep early every night and wake up fucking early every morning. They're morning persons and I never understand how they wake up early every fucking day without missing everything.

I collapsed myself on the bed, inhaling sharply and closed my eyes shut. I shaped Frank's face back into my head, imaging Frank laying next to me on his bed, all sweaty and unclothed, breathing heavily. And with that weird imagination, my brain slowly drifted off, leaving me lying unconsciously on my bed.

\-----

The pair of lips swinging itself on top of mine, tugging on my bottom lip hard that he earned a moan from me. I moved my hand downwards, wrapping them around his waist tightly and pulling him near me even more. He pulled away, rocking his hips against mine and we both let out a small contentment moans.

My thoughts mixing up together, trying to remember the reason why he is here. I never remember how I got here nor even where we actually were right now. My grip on his hips tightens, before slipping my hands under his shirt, sliding my hands up and to the back of his body, digging my nails into his skin roughly.

He groaned, rocking even quicker than he did before whilst groaning. I can feel my erection digging through his jeans, and the bulge that he slid against mine makes it feels even worst, but full of pleasure. He started to palms me against my jeans,and I closed my eyes shut tightly. My mouth was agape, and I whimpered quietly. 

His hand slid under my pants, through my boxers and he wrapped his hand around me slowly. I moaned again, but now, louder than what I should. I opened my eyes to look at his and there's a smirk featured on his face. I bit down my lower lip, trying to keep out another moan that I bet will be louder and swung my eyes shut again as his other hand undoing the button of my jeans.

He slowly slid my jeans down with just one hand, and the other is still holding me, not even moving. He took me out of the last layer, my cock is now fully exposed. I beg for more friction from him so I bucked my hips. He moved his hand up and down my length, agonizingly slow and I felt myself burst into flames as he took me into his mouth.

"Gerard!" I woke up from my dream, breathing in the air that I needed but still kept my eyes shut. I felt my body got wet, and all sweaty. I smelled like shit as I remembered that I didn't take a shower last night. I finally opened my eyes, before covering it slightly with my hands because of the lights above me that I know I haven't switch it off last night. 

My jeans is sticky, and uncomfortable at all. I then remembered what I had dreamt just now. My cheeks heated up instantly, my brain sent me a confusing feeling all up my body.

I shouldn't be dreaming about weird stuffs at all. This isn't right. I just met him last night, and have dreamt about him almost sucking me off, is just freakingly weird. Probably disgusting, even. But another part of me wanting it to happen for real.

There's a loud knock on the door, and I almost fall off from my bed when I jumped slightly. The rate of my heartbeat picked up. "Gerard, wake up!" I sighed as I realized that it was Mikey fucking Way who knocked the door and woke me up from my wet dream about... Frank.

"I'm awake!" I shouted back, turning my body so I'm lying on my side. I once again let a sigh escaping out from in between by chapped lips. My throat felt sore, and my voice was cracked when I spoke just now. I need to drink if I don't want this to get even worst. I'm dehydrated, and probably the last drink I drunk was a mug of coffee, a few days ago.

"Mom made us breakfast. Go downstairs if you're hungry." He continued, knocking aimlessly on the door until it annoyed me, like, a lot. I climbed off the bed, almost stumbled upon my own leg before I managed to open the door slightly, just letting Mikey to peek inside, and not bringing his whole body in.

"What do you want?" I asked, ruffling my hair slightly. I looked at him from the bottom to top, realizing that he had took his shower already because his hair is still a bit wet, sticking up and some of them glued to his skin.

"Mom asked me to wake you up." He answered simply, the corner of his lips rose a little bit, and I know that there's another reason why he really wanted me to wake up.

"So now that I'm awake, why are you still standing there?" I raised an eyebrow, still unsatified with his answers. He sighed, pushing me inside and stepping into the room, without my permission. I almost protest, but by the pleading looks on his face, my heart softened slightly.

He sighed again, making his way deeper into the room and sat at the corner of my bed. He moved his arms to the side slightly, before he climbed fully on top of my bed. His face shown horror and terror before he jumped off the bed and walked towards my direction.

"Why is your sheets wet?" He whispered, still looking slightly horrified. I chuckled, shrugging and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Why would you want to know?" I asked back with a questioning look stuck upon my sleepy face.

He shrugged, dropping the topic just right there when he spoke up once again. "I am, you know, I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to get emotionally." He scratched the back of his neck nervously, biting on his bottom lip.

"It's okay, Mikes." I patted his back.

"So, if you lost when you race against Frank, why don't you show any feeling of disappointment?" He frowned deeply, biting on his lip whilst staring at me blankly, waiting for an answer.

I don't even know what to answer him, to be honest. I don't even know why I didn't really feel disappointed although I know that I lost the race. Usually, I'll be depressed as hell if I lost something but right now, I felt totally different. Racing with Frank doesn't feel the same like racing with the other peoples out there. There's something different that I look in him that I can't even detect it myself.

"I don't know." I answered his question honestly, gazing down to the floor. "I'm hungry so let's eat." I changed the topic just right after, pulling him out the door. "I need to take a shower first. I smelled like shit." I uttered, closing the door shut behind me before locking it.

"I realized that." Mikey said with a chuckle before footsteps disappeared themselves down the stairs.

I went into the bathroom that is attached to my own room, not bothering to even close the door because I know that no one can  even get inside my bedroom.

I stated at my own reflection on the wide mirror, staring at the eye bags under my eyes, and my hair that is sticking up at various direction.

\-----

I jogged down the stairs, fully clothed and clean, the cleanest that I've ever been in my whole life. I'm in my Black Flags shirt and a clean pair of skinny jeans that isn't covered with semen like what happened to the jeans I wore before. I completed my clothing with a black hoodie and a pair of charcoal Converse sneaker.

My phone had been put safely in my front pocket, along with my wallet and a pack of cigarette. I think I want to go somewhere today. Probably just go into town, to the record stores or even comic book stores. Apart from cars, music, comics and arts are my life.

When I reached the ground floor, I saw Mrs. Hawkins, our maid, wanting to go upstairs. "Oh, Gerard, there you are. Your mom is looking for you." She gestured the living room with one finger, smiling widely at my presence. I bet my mom commanded her to get me from my room.

"Okay, thanks." I said simply with with a small nod, faking a smile and proceed in walking to the next room where I saw mom sitting on the sofa with her leg crossed, looking through a fashion magazine. "What's up, mom?" I asked with a slightly cracked voice.

She raised her head up, raising both of her eyebrows. "Can you please do me a favor?" She asked softly, shrugging slightly. I gave her a small nod, leaning in a bit more.

"Can you please buy us some milk. We're out of stock." I sighed, nodded once again before going to the kitchen, pouring myself a mug if coffee. I take a long sip, feeling the slightly hot water rushing it's way downwards in my body. My throat felt a bit comfortable that before.

I left my mug in the sink, leaving the kitchen and stepped into the garage. I slide the garage door open with a button on the wall before unlocking my car and climbed inside. I started the engine, turning the gear to reverse and reversed the car out carefully. I'm planning to go to the nearest convenient store, which also happen to be the nearest gas station.

When I checked the gas that left in my car, I drained out half of the tank last night. Great.

I drove out of the gate, into the main road, making a left turn to the store. I picked up a CD on my way there, turning on the volume higher and just banging my head with the tune of the song. This is how my boring life go on, and I'm slightly bored of it. I really need something new to check on, probably searching for my soulmate is a great idea.

I arrived, filling up my gas tank before parked my car at the parking spaces. When I hop out of my car, I then realized that I parked my car next to a familiar black McLaren 12C.

Looks like I'm going to meet him again today.


	4. Lovestruck Teenager... Adult

I grabbed my jacket from the front passenger seat, before climbing out of the car slowly, feeling the cold wind smashing against my skin, making me shiver as chills creeping down my spine, slowly, yet giving such a big impact on what I guessed the temperature is. The gust was followed by some droplets of water hitting against the ground, before it started to rain heavily. A sigh full of content escaped from my chapped lips, and I shrugged in the jacket over my arms and let it covered my body. I need to feel the heat it would offer, because if not, I might not live any longer, due to the cold temperature of the outside world.

I stucked my hands into the pockets, walking slowly towards the front door. The rain had wetted my clothes and my hair, coating them with a thin layer of clear water. I felt cold, freezing, because it's in the early of October, and it's raining heavily. I can catch a cold in any second, but my immune system is strong, which I'm really grateful for. Although I can't be sure whether I'm going to catch a cold or not.

I looked briefly at the cars parked in the parking spaces, but my attention moved fully towards the black McLaren, very familiar. There's a long thin line across the back, which I assume as the part where Ray scratched before. Well, I really need to discuss about this with him because he fucking needs to pay for it.

I reached the front door, not even rushing to get inside. I don't even care if I'll freeze to death, nor even if people care about me. I am comfortable living like this, where no one give a shit about me, and I don't even give a shit about myself. It's comfortable, filled with peace, but it's actually a silent torment towards my already fucked up life. I just hide them in me, not wanting to let them out, or even I haven't found the perfect person to let everything out, to let all of my secrets, confession and problems out, or even sharing my thoughts with. 

Well, I'm waiting for someone to come to me, obviously. I'm not going to search for people that I can spend my live with. I'm just a hopeless person, failed in live and just know how to drive a car like a madman, and to draw like a talented artist that sold his works for thousands of dollars.

I pushed the heavy glass door open, glancing towards every living things that were standing and walking in the store. No one even look at me or even notice my presence so I sighed in relief. I don't like to be the one in the spotlights, but sometimes, people always look at me, maybe recognize me as the man who drive a car so dangerously. That's what I am known for the most, as someone who press the gas pedal real hard, and just drifted across the road, almost bumping another car.

I've actually been in jail for three months before, after having a street race with someone. Those months passed agonizingly slow, and I certainly smelled like shit and my weight drops a few pounds. I never wanted to get caught again after this, hopefully the police won't notice if I'm racing in the middle of the road. But who the hell doesn't notice if they saw two or more cars speeding on the road? 

I stepped in and let the heavy door closed by itself. I walked through a few aisle, praying in my heart that I won't meet Frank today. I mean, I am still uncomfortable to meet him after what I dreamt of last night. It's embarrassing, as hell.

I stopped in front of a stack of milks, all of them were placed carefully and neatly in their place. I picked up two cartons, holding both of them with both of my hands. I thought of buying some other things for myself, but it seemed like both of my hands are... occupied.

I can't hold two cartons with just one hand, I just can't. When I walked to another aisle, probably just looking at things,or even planning on buying some thing, two arms were wrapped around my waist from behind, and I shrieked in surprise. My heart beats real hard, and my breathe gets thicker. Both of the hands that I saw were both inked, and I probably know who is the owner of those hands.

I sighed after I heard a loud laugh smashing my eardrum, telling me that the guy's lips were close to my ear. I can feel his breathing against my skin, hitting softly but there's a force coming with it as he laughed even more. The breaths gave me instant goosebumps, that are starting to rise up slowly from underneath my skin. I then realized that his face were buried in my neck as I can feel his nose brushing against my skin, at the very sensitive part.

I tried so hard to not let any sound coming out of my mouth, to just keep my voice shut in my throat. But I failed miserably when I let out a moan, unexpectedly and accidentally. The laugh that he chocked out stopped suddenly, and he moaned with me, softly. I didn't want to admit this but... that moan he let out was such a turn on for me.

I can feel my cheeks turning color, from just pale skin, to dark crimson. The arms soon disappeared, and I turned my body to confront the guy I really don't want to ever see for today.

I met with a pair of beautiful, shiny hazel eyes, with a bit tint of brown around his pupils. His face showed many kind of expression, but most of all is amusement. Probably, he's still surprised that I moaned suddenly, and my moan just then, was not quiet, but a bit loud and full of desperation. His lips were cracked into a wide smile, showing off his teeth. His cheeks were pink, and his semi wet hair was sticking against the skin of his neck, right on top of his scorpion tattoo that I haven't notice yet until now.

I looked at him from the bottom to top, realizing that he's wearing a skeleton hoodie, with a pair of dark skinny jeans that is just too tight and a pair of worn out charcoal Converse. His smile got softer each second, until the only thing left is just a smirk that was plastered on his face.

Ive relaxed sightly, and the color on my face came back to normal, and my usual pale skin. The beating of my heart got even, just like how it beats before he shocked me. I sighed again, scratching the back of my neck nervously whilst licking on my lips for a second.

"Hey, Gee." He greeted, smiling vigorously at me, while I tried to hold back a blush after I heard the nickname came that out of his lips. 

"Hey, Frank." I replied, looking down at my shoes. My voice was shaking slightly, because I am still embarrassed after I let out an unwanted sound from my lip. It's disgusting, knowing that I just moaned in a convenience store that was packed with lots of people.

I actually can hold two cartons of milks with just one hand, and that's what I did; I placed one carton on top of the other one, before snatching a pack of skittles with my now free hand. I glanced back at Frank, who is still smiling creepily at me, observing every action and moves that I produces.

"When I wanted to go back to my car, I saw your car parked just right beside mine, so I guessed that you're here." He uttered softly, those words slipped easily from his lips. He cleared his throat, before I realized that I've stared at his lips, that were thin and looked so... soft.

"You wanted to see me?" I raised an eyebrow as I asked, having a weird feeling gathered at the pit of my stomach. 

It was weird to hear him saying that, I mean, it clearly means that after he saw my car, he hunted for me in this store, just wanted to see me. I felt myself blushed again, and I looked back down to my shoes, trying to avoid from looking at him, trying to prevent him from realizing my problem. Although I'm pretty sure he noticed it soon after.

"Of course. I actually have planned to text you so we can meet up, but it looks like I don't need to." He said, before I have the courage to look at him. My eyes met directly with him, his shiny hazels were glimmering brightly, by the lightings of the store.

"Really?" I blurted out, frowning really deep at his sentences. It's kind of hard to believe the fact that someone wants to meet me. Usually, everyone never wanted to see me, and probably every time when they meet me, they'll think that it's a fucking curse. Probably, I'm the who was cursed.

"Yeah." He nodded with assurance. "So, are you willing to hang out with me? Well, if you have some spare of times." And now, it's his turn to blush, which I find was really cute. I need to make him blush more. I want to see him blush more.

"I'd love to. I don't have anything planned for today by the way." I spoke out simply, now had learnt to control the shakiness that were wrapped tightly, and laced firmly around my voice.

"That's great. I'll text you the location so, umm, see you later on." He announced, walking backwards slowly, still having his body faced my way. He waved goodbye, which I returned with a really awkward and unexpected flying kiss. He blushed heavily, covering his face by lifting up his hood and he chuckled softly before he turned his body, walking forward like a normal person.

I mentally face palmed myself, cursing myself, accusing myself for doing idiot things today; the unwanted and ugly moans, plus the unexpected, flying kiss. Every of it just embarrassed me so fucking much that I wanted to lock myself in my room, not wanting to go out anymore. But every of that feelings that I gave to myself were hidden underneath another weird feeling; excitement.

I noticed that the peoples in the store were all giving me weird glances and dirty looks, probably because of what just happen between me and Frank. I know it's disgusting, but I'm not the one who wanted all of those things to happen. 

I walked towards the cash register, passing some peoples who are still staring at me, whispering to each others with an evil grin upon their faces that I wanted to hit for six bucks and a Dr. Pepper. Violent, I know.

"That guy just gave some other guy a flying kiss." I heard someone whispered, loud enough for me to hear it clearly. What's wrong with flying kisses? They didn't mean love, did they? It's annoying to be around peoples like this. It's uncomfortable, and I loathed them strongly.

I placed the two cartons of milks and a pack of skittles onto the counter, pulling out my wallet from my pocket and stared as the cashier started to scan the prices of the item that I bought. 

I jumped slightly as a loud, rough sound coming from the outside of the building. I turned my head to look outside, through the glasses, before I saw a black car passed the building, with the window opened low, big enough for me to look at the driver. Frank was seated on his seat, looking exactly towards my direction whilst he returned back the flying kiss that I gave.

I felt my cheek heated up, not just slightly, but a lot. I knew that there's some other peoples who saw him doing that to me because the sound of his car was a distraction to everyone's attention. I am fully sure that the cashier who is standing right before me saw him doing that, and make a disgusted expression on his face.

At first, I thought that Frank will immediately run away from me when I gave him the flying kiss, but after I saw him returning it back, I knew that things between us are a lot better than what I expected.

\-----

"What should I wear?" I said out loud, to no one in particular. I ran my hand through my hair, as I breathe in sharply, feeling my heart beats faster than it was before.

I walked across the room, keeping the same pace as I did in the first place before stopping in front of my dresser. I looked through my clothes, mostly of them is still new and never had worn before. I don't even know why I bought them, but they're okay, I guess.  
I snatched a random shirt, tossing it onto my bed, along with a pair of black skinny jeans -one of the hundred pairs of the similar jeans that I owned- and turned my body around, crouching down. I pulled out a pair of combat boot from the underneath of my bed, placing it neatly against the wall where I can see it clearly, as a way to remind myself that I need to wear those boots.

I stripped off my clothes, pulling my pants down and rolled my shirt over my neck before tossing them in some random spaces. I picked up the jeans, pulling it up my thighs, struggling to get it fit in as it is so tight. After a few minutes of trying to pull it up my hips, I succeed my personal test, and buttoned the jeans. I took the shirt and pulled it over my head, easily because it's just a normal shirt.

I glanced at the clock, seeing that it's early in the evening, the exact time of what Frank texted the time I should be there. Damn, in already running late. I hurried up, sliding my feet into my socks that stink a lot before sinking my feet into my boots, lacing it as soon as possible.

I walked to the night stand, grabbing my phone, as well as a pack of cigarette and a lighter before putting them in my pockets. I ran out of the room, moving swiftly down the stairs. When I reached the ground floor, I rested my hand on the nearest thing that I managed to stand by, which is a small, round table with pots of ugly flowers on it. I breathed heavily, trying to take in as many of oxygen to get into my lungs.

When my breathe had stabilized to a normal level of breaths, I straightened up my back, leaving my hand from the table before walking to the living room. I noticed that I'm the only one who's in the house, except for our housemaid. 

So, realizing and remembering back the fact that I'm already late right now, I make a beeline towards the garage door, pulling the door open before I stepped in real fast. I closed the door behind, staring at the garage that seemed so empty, despite my car that is in there. I unlocked my car, sliding into the passenger seat and igniting the engine. 

I put in a random CD, turning on the thermostat as I felt cold and turning up the volume a little bit when I realized that it's my favorite song. I checked my phone, staring at the address Frank's gave me before I set it into my navigation system. I reversed out slowly, and carefully, trying not to crash into something, because a few months ago, when I reversed out of the garage, I accidentally hit a lamp post that's in the lawn. I don't really know why it's there but I think it's because of the fact that we're out of town and we need lights to shine the lawn.

I slid the front gate open by a button on the keys, before slowly shifting the car out, into the road. 

\-----

I arrived, parking the car in the parking lot before turning my head up to look at the huge building in front of me. A luxurious apartment that I don't even know existed in New Jersey. I looked back at the screen in my car, seeing that this is the exact location Frank had given to me. So this means that he lived on this apartment.

Probably, I'm right.

I took my jacket with me, the rain had long gone, after I arrived at my house before this. But it's still cold nonetheless.  
I slammed the door carefully, blinking a few times when the cold wind hit against my eyeballs. I walked towards the building, taking out my phone, unlocking it immediately before looking at the text.

Level 9, right. 

It's a really simple text, but I think I get it. I entered the building, walking across the lobby, towards the elevator. I hit the button before the door slid open instantly, telling me that I'm the only on who wanted to go up right now. 

I stepped in, closing the door and pressed on another button. I waited for the elevator the elevator to go up to the level Frank is living on. I felt a very unfamiliar feeling streaming down my body slowly, and then I realized that my body shook really hard. My knees weakened when the door slid open once again, before I noticed that I'm on the ninth level.

I stepped out, turning directly to the right and walked towards another door. It's a huge building, but on each floor, there's only two apartment. I landed my hand against the door a few times, softly.

I can even hear the beating of my heart in my ears. I am unexpectedly nervous, without any obvious reason. Deep down my heart, there's a spark or excitement, but I mostly feel the anxiousness.

The door opened, and I saw Frank, in a simple red T-shirt but still in the same pants. He pulled me immediately closing the door behind me before pinning me against the door.

Everything went so fast, and I still need some to comprehend everything. I felt his even breaths against my neck, freaking me out suddenly, sending a shivers down my spine.

He raised his face up, meeting my gaze. He looked desperate, and he bit down his lip, his face was just a few inches from mine.

"Your moan at the store back then, you don't know what affect it gave to me." He muttered softly, while I just stared blankly at him, trying to think about all of this. He groaned, before crashing his lips to mine, which I kissed back, harder.


	5. It's More Fun With A Bet, Right?

My breathings got irregular right after our lips collided with each other. His lips were soft, and moulded perfectly against mine. There's a spark of excitement building inside of me, making my knees weakened slightly and my mind twirling like a tornado. My heartbeat sped up almost immediately as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, if that's even possible to be done as there's no spaces left between us anymore.

His body were fully leaned against mine, and he was kissing me more rougher and hungrier than he was before, but I didn't mind, at all. He trailed his tongue over my bottom lip, before he shoved his tongue roughly inside of my mouth. His grip on my hips got tighter, which will absolutely leave marks and bruises over my skin, but I didn't care, albeit it hurt just a little too much. He's small, but he sure is stronger than what I thought he would be.

A groan can be heard from the back of his throat as he rocked his hips against mine, crashing our crotches together with a huge force being given in. My hands go downwards, tracing over his back before stopping them right at the hem of his shirt. He grinned, which I can really feel against my mouth before he grabbed a handful of my ass, making me squeal a little. He giggled, doing the same thing for the last time before he stepped back, pulling me with him.

"We shouldn't go anywhere further than that." Frank said, raising one of his perfectly plucked eyebrow whilst gesturing at his sofa. I sat down, sending him a questioned glance but remained silent. I miss the taste of his lips, like, really much. But there must be a reason to why he didn't want anything more. "Don't ask me why, we just shouldn't." He confirmed, walking towards another room which I assumed as the kitchen.

"What do you want to drink? Coffee, soda, or just water?" He asked, leaning his small form against the wall whilst folding his arms and placed them against his chest.

"Coffee!" I replied, almost hopping from seat after I heard him mentioning the name. He nodded, giving me two thumbs up before disappearing himself into the kitchen. My lips were swollen from the kiss, it felt numb because there were too much pressure being put in while we kissed, and I bet its red right now.

I still don't get what the kiss was all about, I mean, as soon as I entered the house, he suddenly pinned me against the door before kissing me roughly. It happened in all of a sudden, it's unpredictable, and confusing. He just pulled away, telling me that we should not go anywhere further than that, which was just us kissing and him grabbing my butt.

I leaned back on the sofa, shrugging out my jacket before placing it just next to me. I threw my head back, sighing heavily as I closed my eyes shut, taking in the scent of the house, just like what Frank smells like. The apartment is quite big, and the walls in the front room- living room- were painted with a soft color, hazelnut brown. I've never been in a stranger's house before, and this is how it feels. So unfamiliar, but beautiful.

I'm probably just a creep guy, who have a crush with someone he just met yesterday, and thought that his house is beautiful, but I didn't care, as long as what I thought about is all true. I really like his house, to be honest. It looked quite comfy.

"Your coffee has arrived." Frank announced, making my eyes fluttered open instantly, as I threw my head back up to look at him. He placed the mug carefully on the coffee table, with a cheeky grin plastered upon his face before sitting next to me, staring creepily. 

"Ow, thanks." I said, picking up the mug by its handle before taking a sip from the mug. I froze, absolutely awed by the taste of the coffee. "Oh my, this tastes great." I remarked, looking at his hazel eyes, seeing as it glowed in the low lighting.

"Oh, um, thanks, I guess." He uttered shyly, with a blush crawled over his cheeks, shading it with a dark scarlet. He kept staring at me, making me feel slightly uneasy by the eyes that were both stuck by my face. "You really like coffee, do you?"

I raised an eyebrow, looking astounding at his question just now. "What kind of question was that?" I spoke sarcastically, shaking my head slightly and took another sip from my coffee before resting the mug on the table.

"What kind of answer was that?" He said after a few seconds, thirty seconds to be exact, clearly after he failed to build a strong answer that make sense. "Do you like dogs or cats?" He suddenly asked a very random question, still staring at me.

"Both. But I'm allergic to cat's fur." I replied straight after, not even thinking before answering his question. I looked down, finally leaving his eyes from me before sighed in relief. "And what about you? Which one do you prefer more?"

"Dogs, absolutely." He answered, leaning his face to the side of mine slightly, and I can feel his lips brushed against my ear, his hot breaths hitting against my skin softly. "I'm a dog kind of person." He whispered seductively, before landing a bite on my ear, earning a small moan from me before he leaned back to his normal position.

Goosebumps arose from my skin, and I can feel chills running down my spine. Butterflies erupted in my stomach once again, before I closed my eyes shut, trying to keep my breathings stabile. I heard a chuckle next to me, which I assumed was from Frank before he spoke again. "I'm just teasing you, sugar."

This is it, I'm going to be dead.

I swallowed heavily, as my nerves were screwing around with me and sweats starting to build up against my skin. I'm really sweaty, and it will get ten times worst if I'm nervous, like how I am right now. I opened my eyes slowly, before realizing that he disappeared from the seat next to me. I looked around, breathing in heavily, trying to search for him. I heard something shifted, but I don't know where did it came from before I stood up from the sofa, giving up on this game he played.

I decided to just leave, I don't think I am needed here anymore if he kept playing around like this. I took my jacket with me, making a beeline towards the front door. As my hand reached the doorknob, a pair of familiar arms were wrap around my waist, along with hot breaths against my neck.

"Where are you going?" I heard Frank whispered softly in my ear, and I closed my eyes shut tightly. I wanted to move away, to go out of his embrace, but I didn't make any attempt to do so. Instead, I just stood there, doing nothing at all. He brushed his nose against my skin, and I shivered visibly, and my hand fell from the doorknob.

"Stop, please." I pleaded with a small voice, feeling a bit comfortable with what's going on right now.

"Why, what's wrong?" He asked, unwrapping his arms around me before turning me around, staring deeply into my eyes. He looked concerned, anxious, confused, even.

"If you're just going to tease me, then it's better if I leave." I replied calmly, staring back into his eyes. He frowned, looking a bit dazed with my answer. Probably, his unsatisfied with my short explanation, or even he realized that I don't like to be teased.

"I haven't started my game just yet." He said, before the corner of his lips rise slowly. He stepped back a few inches from me, but stopped when he noticed that I didn't returned his smile.

"I'm done with your game, Frank." I said bitterly, feeling a weird emotion at the pit of my stomach. "I have many other things to do, so, goodbye." I turned my body around, placing my hand back on the doorknob before turning it around. I pulled the door open, but the door shut back abrupt by Frank, making me jumped slightly. I scowled, widening my eyes with a rough expression upon my face as I turn my body to face him.

"Please don't go." He begged with puppy eyes, which I couldn't resist. I softened my expression, probably considering it.

"I won't," I said, and a wide smile of relief formed by his lips. "If you stop with your teasing and..." I scratched the back of my neck, thinking of what will come out next but I couldn't figure out any idea, before I fully gave up. I stretched out a wide smile, feeling slightly embarrassed because I couldn't finish up my sentence.

"And?" He raised his eyebrows in question, smirking even wider. I shook my head, not knowing what to answer, there's not even a simple word pop into my head, and I sighed in frustration. I face palmed, shaking my head again before releasing out a long and deep breath. "So, that clearly means that the only thing you don't like was me teasing you, is all, right?" I nodded slowly, removing my palms from my face before having the courage to look at him. He smirked, shaking his head as he placed both of his hands at his hips.

"Uh, yeah." I replied, feeling a bit ashamed of myself.

"Don't go if it's just the teasing. It'll stop it, I promise." He said calmly, holding my hand softly in his. I nodded before he dragged me back to the sofa, sitting down right next to me. He stared at me for a while, with that creepily smile of his, just eyeing every inch of me. 

"What?" I asked, widening both of my eyes with hope that it will look like I was threatening him, but I knew that I failed miserably when I spoke the very first word. He giggled, looking a bit astounding by the reaction I had given towards him.

"Just thinking." He simply answered, shrugging, but his eyes never left my face, my body, my own eyes. "While staring." He added, and I swear I could see him blushing, even in the low lighting that his living room offered. I smiled, punching his arms playful before he flinched from me, to the other edge of the sofa.

"What's in your mind?" I asked curiously, holding out a smile by rolling my lips in my mouth, making a thin line. He shrugged, looking up with a cheeky grin on his face, I punched his arms again, before he sighed, looking back at me.

"Well, I was thinking..." He shrugged. "If you want to have a race for the second time, but this time..." I was annoyed by the fact that he talked too low, so I decided to just continue his sentence.

"There's a bet." I grinned at him, raising an eyebrow, but by the look on his face, he was shocked about something. 

"Exactly." He nodded. "Did you read my mind?" He asked, looking serious as hell. I shook my head, telling him the truth with just a few gestures. "But if you did read my mind, I'm not gonna be near you again. You practically scared the shit out of me."

"Well, sorry for that. I just, you know, I have thought about making a bet either." I looking down to my lap, feeling as a heavy weigh has been lifted off my chest because at last, we're going to do this after all. Although I've planned on doing this last night, I still felt like I've been wanting this for a very long time. I smiled widely, blinking my eyes a few times in excitement. But then, something hit me, hard. What if he make a ridiculous bet, that I never want to do? Thinking about this really made me shivered, as well as feeling my stomach flipped around.

"Let's make the bet now!" He said excitedly, clapping his hands like an overly excited child. I bit down my lip, staring into blank spaces in front of me. Should I really do this? What if it give a bad impact into my life? Well, you only live once after all, why don't I just try this, right? I nodded, giving him a smile.

"Have you think about the bet that you'll dare me to do?" I asked calmly, leaning my back against the cushions. A soft, yet loud chuckle escaped from his lips, and I snapped my head up to look at him.

"I don't know if you will accept the bet..." He confessed, and I gestured a hand at him as a sign to continue. "Well, if you lose the race, you'll be my property." He said, and I almost choked on my own saliva. My stomach flipped again for the second time, and my breath hitched in my throat, making it hard to breathe easily. I thought for a second, remained silent after he spoke his bet.

"Deal." I shook his hand, and he smiled really wide. "Now, it's my turn." I announced, rubbing my eyes. "If I win..." I really don't have any idea on what to say. I'm not really good at making bets, I'm probably the worst human to make bets. "I want you to go trick or treating at your neighbor house on Halloween, in a hot dog costume." I said, those words escaped swiftly from my lips as I really want to get rid of it from my mind as soon as possible. But after I repeated back those words in my head, I guessed that my bet isn't that bad. 

He blushed, licking his lip before pecking on my cheek. "Deal." He said, sliding onto my lap. He slid his thumb down my cheek, looking directly into my eyes whilst biting his lip. He cupped my face in his hands before crashing our lips together, and a moan escaped my lips because of the sudden movement. I kissed him back, immediately trailing my tongue across his lips before a realization hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I pulled away, pushing him by his shoulder with a grin featured on my face. "I'm not yours." I said with a seductive tone, and he grinned back before he kissed the tip of my nose briefly.

"Yet." He whispered softly, elbowing my crotch as he crawling out of my lap, onto the couch. He like to tease a lot, even after he promised me that he wouldn't do it again, but he still did. Well, I was too dumb to care about it after all because I have broke people's promises plenty of times in my lifetime. It's something natural that I'm born with, just like the rest of my weird characteristics.

"Asshole." I folded my arms and rested them against my chest, smirking.

\-----

I'm in my car, in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night, hoping to win the race so I will see Frank in a hot dog costume. Again, our finish line is located at my house, but right now, it isn't in my yard, but in front of the front gate. Well, it's easier that way, isn't it?

My phone rang, and when I look at the caller's ID, it's Frank, who is in the car next to mine. I picked up my earphone and plug in it before stucking the ear buds in my ears. I pushed on a button before a voice come out.

"You're going to lose, sugar bun." He spoke, with a slight giggle which made me smile.

"What makes you so sure about it?" I asked lazily, glancing at his car through the dark tinted window. He chuckled, and I can hear his smirk even through the earphones.

"I won the last time, remember?" He said proudly, and I want to smack his face with a hammer. He's so proud about small things, which made me felt annoyed. The race was just one small thing, with anything else attached to it. not even money, not even bets, just empty. Even if I knew his car was probably a bit faster that mine, but if the turbo was fucking broken, my car going to faster.

"You're not going to win today." I muttered, smiling to myself with pure confidence in my body. This feeling was foreign to me, but it comfort, forming a fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

"I don't want to go trick or treating at my neighbor house with a hot dog costume even if it isn't that bad actually. But treat me like a princess, bitch. It's my fucking birthday." He said whilst laughing, and I frowned at his words. 

"You're birthday is on Halloween?" I questioned curiously, scratching the back of my neck.

"Yeah, cool , isn't it? So, now let's start the race, I want you to be mine as soon as possible." I nodded, but then, I realized that he can't see me. I mentally face palmed myself, shaking my head because of my silliness.

"Alright, you count until five." I heated up the engine once again, producing a loud, rough sound that will surely startle everyone in the neighborhood. I took in a really deep breathe, trying to relax myself and also to keep my heart beat still.

"One, two," Frank started the counting, and I gripped the steering wheel tightly, feeling as my knuckle turned to a paler shade. I placed my other hand on the gear stick, ready to change the gear anytime. "Three, four, Five!" He put the emphasis at the number five, before our car sped up across the road. It's dark outside, but we still can see the road clearly, with the help of the lamp posts, of course.

I clenched my jaw, gritting my teeth together as I sped up the speed, but it's impossible to be at the very front because another realization hit me again, Frank's car is faster that my car, and he will probably win the race once again.

"I can't wait to do stuffs with you." He whispered quietly, and goosebumps starting to rise up my skin. Thousands of butterflies erupted in my stomach, along with an enormous flip that it made, sending shivers down my spine. My pulse quickened up, and my heart is beating uncontrollably against my ribcages.

"You can't do anything to me." I replied, smikring widely before I heard him sigh. We've passed a few places and a few cars, while I'm hoping that they won't call the police because if they did, we're doomed.

With the criminal record I've once made, I don't think my driving licence will survive again this time. And if I can't have a street race, what is life to me? It's the only reason why I kept on living, well, I know it's ridiculous, but it's true.

There's a sharp turn right in front of us, and I decided to drift while entering the road. "Don't get closer." I warned Frank, not wanting anything bad to happen because if his car is close to mine while I'm drifting, our cars are going to collide. Just right after I gave the warning, I pressed on the clutch, changing the gear whilst turning the steering wheel around.

I drifted across the road, before changing the gear back to its original. "That's sick, dude." Frank remarked in amusement as he drifted along the road, right after me. I stared at his car for a few seconds through the rearview mirror, grinning widely.

"You're not so bad either." I said with a slight proudness lacing over my words tightly. He giggled before it cracked into a laugh. I realized that he's car moved swifly pass me, with a loud sound coming out of the hood from the speed he's driving on.

I sped up the car, following right next to him before I heard a loud sound through the earphones. I can't quite comprehend what was the sound but I guessed something. "Your turbo broke?" I questioned in curiosity, almost laughing at my own words after imaging it.

"Uh, I think so." Frank replied with a sligt disappointment in his voice, which made me grin even wider. Now, my car can be faster that he is, that's mean that there's an opportunity that I'll win this race. I decided to use the nitro instead and clicked on the button, and my car sped up abruptly.


	6. This Chapter Is Just Shits, Honestly

I parked the car carefully in the garage, trying not to crash the car at all. I have a weird fear of seeing my car getting crashed or scratched, if it every happen one day, I'll get a really bad panic attack, probably the worst in history of panic attacks that I often get. I stared deeply at the rearview mirror, seeing as Frank pulled his car by a big the front porch, not so far away from the main entrance into the building I called as home. I sighed contentedly, feeling as an enormous weigh being lifted off my chest and my breath came back to its normal pace from earlier today.

I climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind me with a fair force had been put in. Frank suddenly appeared from the corner, walking into my direction with a soft smile stuck by his lips, scratching the back of his neck nervously whilst gazing at me from under his eyelashes. I grinned, lifting my head up slightly before letting out a sound of amusement.

"Well, you won today. But later, you'll regret winning this race." He said to me with a almost calm tone, stopping dead in his tracks as he reached me. My grin faded away slowly, but the corner of my lips are still hanging up, not ever going to fall the nearest future. I simply shrugged as an early response whilst still figuring words to reply to his sentence that still don't fit in my brain perfectly. I don't know why he said like that just now, because I'm pretty sure, or even a hundred percent sure, that I'm not going to regret this.

"Why would I? I get to see you in a hot dog costume, aren't I?" I raised both of my eyebrows as I asked him bluntly, tilting my head slightly to the side. He rolled his eyes, gasping slightly before looking at my face with a more fixed gaze.

"I know that." He rolled his eyes once again as he spoke those words out. "But if I won the race, it's even more funner." He informed me with a slight shaky tone, which seemed like he had some difficulties on saying those words out.

"What do you mean it's even more funner if you are the one to win the race? There's nothing else better than seeing you in a hot dog costume." Now, I'm the one to roll my eyes. I tapped my right foot against the floor impatiently, can't wait to get in the house because the outside temperature is cold. "Let's get inside." I mumbled, reaching for a button before the garage door slowly closed, with a slight thump as the end of the steel reached against the floor.

I took Frank's hand in mine, pulling him inside the house with me and making a beeline towards the living room. He yelped quietly as I pulled him rougher inadvertently, before releasing his hand out of my tight grasp. "Sorry." I mumbled quietly, putting in my mask- which was an apologetic look. It's not fake, to be honest. I do felt a bit sorry after I unexpectedly did that to him. 

"S'okay." I heard a barely audible word slipped from in between his lips, but nodded in response anyway. I raised my head up, just realizing that Mikey is sitting on the couch, reading a comic book that I'm pretty sure was once mine. I smiled awkwardly at Frank, before walking towards my brother from behind and bent down at the backside of the couch, nearing my lips to his ear.

"Mikey, guess who's here with us." I whispered with a low voice, almost whispering before he jumped slightly on his seat, clutching his hands against his chest as the comic book fell onto his lap. He sighed in relief, still breathing heavily but there's a sign that he's attempting to bring his breath back to normal. I grinned widely, leaning my head backwards before straightened my position. Frank's soft chuckle hit against my eardrums, and my heart beat accelerates rapidly. I shrugged off my jacket off, throwing it onto the couch.

"Be grateful that I didn't die due to having a heart attack." He informed with a slight crack in his voice. His facial expression changed in all of a sudden when he turned his head to look at the guy that is standing right next to me. He widened his eyes, and he let out a deep breath. "Oh, hey... Frank." His voice trembled, which made me feel a bit confused by how he reacted.

"Hey, Mikey. How are you doing?" Frank asked with a cheery voice, smiling sweetly. I gestured my index finger towards the sofa, before he flopped himself down, whilst I sat next to Mikey. Mikey gulped hard, that it can be heard even a mile away. An uneasy look stuck by his face, before his gazed changed back towards the comic book as he hold it up with both of his hands.

"I'm doing great." Mikey clearly faked the happiness in his voice, also faking the smile that crawled onto his face. Probably it was because of the incident that happened in between Ray and the black McLaren, or even because he lost the race against Frank, which made him feel a little embarrassed to be near to him. But Frank is harmless, he looks innocent with that childish face of his. Although my theory were probably wrong, but there's not other reasons to why he acted so bitter with Frank.

We all slipped into an awkward silence, with me frequently sending Frank tiny glances and him biting his lip whilst staring at me from the end of his eyes. Mikey suddenly cleared his throat, breaking the silence that almost eaten me alive if we never get out of it. He closed the comic book slowly, turning his head to my direction with a weird smile covered his face. And I'm pretty sure that there's something that he's hiding underneath the faces he wore since we walked in. He surely need to explain me when we're alone, if Frank's presence bothered him a lot.

"I- Uh- Do anyone want some coffee?" He asked, stammering slightly, not even looking at Frank at all, although every of us knew that he darted the question at the both of us. He really need the courage to look at Frank in his face, I don't know how to handle this anymore if he never wanted to look at Frank again.

"Yeah."

"Sure." Frank said as he nod once, before Mikey nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. "Why is him?" Frank suddenly asked, his voice was just above a whisper as he was still aware if Mikey would heard him asking that to me. I shrugged in response, leaning my back deeper into the cushions.

"I don't know. He never acted like that around anyone else." I shrugged again, throwing his head up as I close my eyes shut tightly, breathing in sharply. "It was a really weird reaction he'd given when he saw you. Did you do anything to him that might had made him feeling a bit afraid to see you again?" I continued, asking with a casual, yet questioning tone. 

"There's nothing bad that I have done to him, well, that's what I'm aware of. It just, it made me feel slightly uncomfortable to be around him when he acted like that." I snapped my head at him, staring at him with a weird intention bubbling in me. It felt weird after knowing that he's feeling uneasy because of Mikey. There's something about it that doesn't feel right. Hell, it's not even anywhere near right. It's wrong because Frank is a guest that I brought with me, and Mikey should act him as a guest. Not by sending him weird looks or talking to him with an awkward tone. That's not how it works if he wanted to communicate with a guest, with an acquaintance that he didn't know really well.

"Should I talk to him?" I asked but my voice didn't sound assuring at all. I was using a confused tone, wrapping tightly around the words that I choked out. He looked down at his lap, probably considering what I said just now, or even planning on other things that I could do for him. I need to fix this up before it's too late to do anything again, because it's Mikey that I need do confront with. 

Mikey isn't an ordinary person, he's so sensitive about what other thinks of him, he's fully aware with his surroundings, and sometimes, his problems went out of hands. He's hard to assures him that everything is okay, it's hard to make sure that he's feeling okay with everything around him. I've always like it if he feels comfortable with the peoples that I'm hanging out with, but Frank is probably an exception.

If he didn't accept Frank in his life, I still need to make sure he's okay with me hanging out with Frank. I'm pretty sure that we'll do this more often after this, as I felt that there's something between us that always attach us together. Although I just knew him less than a few days, it feels like I've known him for months already. It felt like there's a connection in between us, that is so strong and wouldn't let us fall apart, even under any circumstances.

"I think that's the least you can do." Frank finally replied after a few short minutes, snapping me out of my own thoughts, waking back up in the reality where my problems are already too much to handle. I bit the edge of my nails with anticipation, taking in a deep breathe before nodding slowly at him.

I stood up from the seat, breathing in very heavily as I try to regain my ability to stand up firmly with no help from any other things. I glanced at Frank, who is looking at me with a straight gaze, telling me instantly that I need to do what I should, right now, at the moment. I nodded once, moving myself from the spot I was standing and made my way into the kitchen.

I saw Mikey, putting sugars into our mugs silently. He was stood there, with awkward legs and I swear he didn't look anywhere near comfortable. But that's Mikey, he always do that, and I think that he may have bear with how his knees were leaning against each other's sides.

But damn, his legs look awkward, totally.

I neared him, resting one hand on his shoulder to grab his attention to me. He jumped slightly, but not so shocked like he was before when we were in the living room. He dropped the spoon down from his hand, placing it carefully onto the counter before turning himself around to face me.

"Uh, Gerard. What are you doing here?" He questioned, but his eyes didn't meet with mine, instead, he looked down at the floor. He avoided himself from making any eye contact with me, and honestly, I did nothing wrong. 

"I- W... We need to talk." I informed quietly, not really sure why because I'm pretty sure no one can hear us, not even Frank as the kitchen is large. The only thing that I kept in mind is that Frank isn't comfortable with Mikey being like this. I don't really know why I am at Frank's side although Mikey is my brother and my best friend for as long as I remember. I should support him, but then, at the exact same time, I felt like what he did is out of the line he built for himself. 

Mikey was always the talkative person, the one who socialize with peoples, but now, it looked like he's a totally different kind of person. Although he's awkward as hell, but he was always easy to talk and to hang out with.

"We don't have anything to discuss about." He spoke through gritted teeth in all of a sudden, and I was completely surprised by the change in the tone he used. He was suddenly mad and upset at me, without any known reason. That pissed me off, but I tried not to argue with anything, probably still want to talk to him.

"Yes, we do." I stepped backwards slightly, probably needed some space to breathe in because that's what I think I need right now. He simply shook his head, looking up and then I realized how much he didn't want to talk about whatever I want us to. But I knew if I didn't do anything to change how he acted around Frank, nothing will change. I should force myself on doing this, as well as forcing him to tell me what he kept in his mind for so long. "Please, Mikey. Just tell me what's wrong." 

"Nothing is wrong!" He spat at me forcefully, with wide eyes and through gritted teeth. "Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to talk to anyone right now." He continued, and I was stood there, speechless. I didn't know how to react back, because I know that there's no chance that Mikey will tell me what's wrong. 

'But, Mi-"

"No!" That was the last thing that he spoke, before he turned himself around and proceeded on making the coffees. When the coffees had finished, he gave me two mugs, before he dismissed with his mug and went up the stairs. I sighed in defeat, just staring blankly at the wall before me with my intention burning down into ashes. 

My face showed a puzzled expression when I stepped into the living room, not saying anything and just placed both of the mugs onto the coffee table. I sat back onto the couch, looking at Frank's face, deep in thought of what will happen next. I am feared of what might be ahead of us. 

"It looks like nothing went well." Frank suddenly spoke up after a few minutes, saying them in a very low tone but can be heard clearly. My eyes widened slightly after he spoke as I was shocked, but my breathing is still normal. I tried to form a perfect word to say to Frank, but all that I can build is a few stupid sentences that Frank could figure out himself without any answer from me- the thing that obviously happened.

"I have no idea on why he acted like that. He didn't want to talk, and when I forced him to, he screamed at me." I uttered, disappointment clearly showed in the tone I was using. I rubbed the back of my hand against my forehead, sending my gaze down straight to the floor. I closed my eyes shut, clenching my jaw together so hard that it hurt my teeth slightly. 

"It's okay, Gee." When Frank spoke those words out, I felt a heavy weigh landed on my thighs. And when I opened my eyes slowly, all that I see was a pair of hazel eyes staring back into mine.


	7. Lust, Is That What I Feel Now?

My heart beat sped up abruptly in my chest, racing with my own thoughts as I felt hot breath hitting against the skin of my face softly, feeling as they warmed up the spot. There's a weird, yet familiar feeling buzzing at the pit of my stomach as it flips for the millionth time today. A small smile crept up my face unexpectedly, rolling my lips up with anticipations hanging loosely around them.

He rested both of his hands on his shoulders, pushing me so I was fully leaned against the soft cushions. I let out a soft grunt when he pushed me harder against the couch, having my back digging deeper. It ached slightly, but that's not what I cared for right now, it's Frank I was paying my full attention towards.

Everything went so fast, passing us like winds twirling around a hundred and twenty miles per hour. Maybe a bit slower, but for me, everything that happened in between us- Frank and I- were happening rapidly. I never kissed a guy that I just met for less than twenty-four hours. But probably, things changed unnoticed.

Maybe my own self was consuming me alive without me even realizing that activity it did. My stomach churned when Frank suddenly licked his lips, leaning in my direction a bit more. There's a fair distance in between our faces, but the distance closed instantly when I suddenly leaned my head in, letting our lips crashed with each others.

I wrapped my arms securely around Frank's neck, pulling him closer and pressing my lips harder. My heart is beating rapidly against my ribcage, pumping bloods into my blood vessels faster that it usually does. Frank shifted his position, so my thighs is in between his legs, but he didn't crack the kiss as he did so, instead, he smiled against my lips slightly.

I let Frank's hands cupped my face tightly, his fingers are playing around with my hair, tangling themselves in between the black strands whlist pulling slightly. I tried to breathe in a lot amount of air as I lose some amount of oxygen that I need to keep myself awake from passing out, but I failed miserably. I gasped suddenly, feeling a large impact shoved against my head, feeling a bit lightheaded due to losing my breath.

Frank seemed to notice that and he leaned backwards, but keeping a small distance between us. I finally caught back my breath, closing my eyes when I tried to stabilize my breathing. Frank's hands left my face in all of a sudden, and I felt the weight on top of me instantly disappeared, but a hand wrapped itself around my arm, pulling me up from my seat slowly and carefully, not even a hint of roughness laying there when he pulled me up.

I opened my eyes, wearing a puzzled expression upon my face as I was a bit confused of what he was doing. He just shrugged, taking my hand in his before dragging me up the stairs. I didn't make any attempt to move away from his tight grasp, following him up the staircase but then he stopped when we arrived on the second floor.

"Where is your room?" He asked quietly, and at the exact same time, I saw a tint of pink crawled over his cheeks, then I realized, he was blushing when he asked the question.

"On the third floor." I replied after a few seconds of staring and studying the priceless expression on his pace face, pulling him to the other staircase the is settled around the corner of the ground.

But then, a realization hit me really hard, almost making me stumble by my own thoughts, the familiar wave washes over me but didn't do any real damage toward myself. It sent a big impact towards my mind, attacking over my brain. Why do he want to go to my room?

It's a question that I asked myself over and over again, almost like its something endless. But the answer to the question was never been spoken by anyone, probably because I didn't ask it out loud, or because my mind was trying to reconnect with everything that is happening around me in the present.

The thoughts that attacked my brain disappeared into thick mist, flying unnoticed up the air, invisible, even. It was a familiar feeling, but at the same time leaving me feeling uneasy, not just a slight spark of it, but fully uncomfortable by how all of this goes.

I squeezed my hand, not realizing that I was holding Frank's soft hand in mine, and the slight movement that I did made him squeaked, not in pain, but probably a bit surprised by the force I gave in whilst pressing his hand. It felt weird to be here with him, because I'd never expect this moment to finally reach my poor dearest life. As well as the way my mind being truly absense in reality, which make me almost stumble upon everything I passed, as if I am not aware of how my surroundings are, which was the truth how my brain works right now, although the house is very familiar to me.

Too familiar that I can walk inside this house with my eyes close shut. But now, I can't even think straight. Everything around me right now felt as if it was just an imagination, something that doesn't actually exist in the world, or probably, my own world.

It took quite a long time to reach the staircase that leads to the third floor, but for what I knew, it should take about a few seconds, not even reach one minute because nothing can really stop our way to this spot. But probably my mind was consuming me, or even my thoughts slamming into me like a hurricane, enormously.

Then, I heard a voice echoing throughy brain, but I didn't care what it said. That we before a rough punch had been given to me by my forearm. It didn't hurt, but it's rough nonetheless. I scowled, clutching my other hand over my forearm, probably overreacting.

"Hey!" I shouted, but not too loud as I was still half conscious with what the situation might have been. I grazed my gaze upwards, over a familiar form before me, but then, I stared into the familiar pair of eyes, hazel eyes with the tint of green in them.

There was a silence right after I spoke out the word, not realizing what else that I've done. I just stared blankly at the face, studying the structures closely, noting every inch of the skin. The light was getting darker, as if the moon had came. Which might be true, because I didn't know how long I've been staring.

"Gerard..." I heard the familiar voice again, but this time, it snapped me into the presence, sucking me out of my own head, my own imagination.

I blinked my eyes a few times, gasping for air as if I wasn't even breathing before this. I realized the man who was standing in front of me is Frank, the man that I brought into the house.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a soft tone, matched with the expression on his face. I looked down to the floor, not knowing what to answer, or to be exact, can't even build the sentence to answer his question. As if I lose the ability to speak again, the ability that I need to most if want to keep myself sane. But there's no word that sneak into my mind, it's blank, no emotion, no expression, no imagine, except for the only emotion I felt right now; confused.

"You seemed to zoned out a few times since we went up here. Is everything alright?" He asked me once again, looking at me straight in the eyes, and I swear the only emotion that he could see was the face of confusion that I held for so long.

I fought the urge to say the truth- which is what I don't even know- and tried to tell the lies. "I'm fine." But my words didn't seem to reassure him even in the slightest bit. I had done so much to speak, but it seemed like nothing go very well.

He didn't say any other words though, and just grab my hand before bringing me up the stairs. I tried not to stumble upon the staircase, as I can get an injury if I fall down the steps. I looked briefly at his face, and there's no word that I can use to describe the expression that he wore. It's an expression that I never had encounter before, it held such a large mix, but there's no hint on what they are.

We reached the top staircase, walking towards the door- the only door that is in sight- before stopping dead in our tracks when we arrived in front of the door.

"Remember to tell me what you kept in the head of yours, Gerard." Frank whispered softly against my ear, and I wanted to answer it as soon as possible. But the problem is that I don't even know what I kept in mind. I can't detect any problem that is inside of me, but sure, there's something that isn't right. There's something foreign bugging me, and I tried so hard to not squirm because of it.

I opened the door, smiling a little bit when I saw my sweet cottage right before my eyes, something that can make me happy by just seeing it. I stepped inside, pulling Frank with a small force because he was following me from my back. I closed the door shut, not even bothering to lock it. Too lazy, perhaps.

Frank looked around the scene in front of him after I switched on the light, trying to bear himself with the very unfamiliar surrounding. He smiled when he saw my desk, which have a few of papers that was marked with random sketches, and probably some more stationary that I use to produce art.

At the corner of my room is where I placed my comic books and CDs, stacking them all on top of each others without even caring if they'll topple down anything soon. There's nothing neat in my room, everything that I had seemed to make some sort of chaos flaming in my room. It smells bad, and looked not so good.

I hadn't do my laundry for quiet a long time, not wanting the housemaid to do it because I rather doing it by myself. But I just don't have the time to do everything, or I was lazy. Either both of my theory does make senses.

Without even realizing it, Frank was there, stood near the desk, looking at the sketches and drawings that I've done. Feeling my cheeks heated up, I neared him slowly, taking in every steps as carefully as I could. None of the activity that he did seemed to bother me, but probably, he's an exception.

"This looks amazing." He complimented, holding up a sheet of paper with a drawing lined on the smooth surface. There are a lot of color on the paper, creating a beautiful masterpiece that looks cheery and bright. It's a portrait of a man, with bright read hair and yellow mask covering the quarter of his face. He was holding a yellow laser gun, pointing the gun to the spot before him.

I didn't really remember the time I drew and paint the drawing, but it was something familiar. I've seen the man a thousand times before; in my own dream. It's actually a character that I had built by myself when I was younger, and from that moment, he always appears in my dream as a long lost memory. Probably he's an imaginary friend that I am no longer remember, but the name is still hovering inside of my head since the. Party Poison.

I've considering doing another character that is similar to Party Poison, but I'll probably do that when I have some spear times. I hope I remembered to do it, because it'll look so damn cool.

I am not saying that I am cool, or even talented, but to be honest, they can be comic book characters. Action filled, mysterious comic book, written by me. I've always picking up comic book writer as an option, but all that I managed to do right now is to be an illegal street racer. But my life is still so far away to go, and probably I'll be able to reach for my dreams, living with the life that I imagined how it would be.

"Thank you." I found myself replying to Frank's remark shyly, trailing my eyes over the room to search for something else that distract me from anything. But my eyes always ended up in Frank's direction, staring him from head to toe, as well as trying to not be creepy, although I know that nothing can be creepier than this. Things always sneak into my mind very easily, and that annoyed the hell out of me. It's a distraction that I never wanted to it to distract my attention, but that's just things, and not a person.

The person who is standing before my eyes is probably the most beautiful creature, with the gorgeous pair of hazel eyes. Shiny steels stuck by his lips and one of his nostril; in the shape of a ring, each. He is still admiring my drawings, but something deep down my body wanted something more, hunger for something that is possible to even get. Will I ever get it from him? I don't know the perfect answer for the question, and all of this is weird because I just met him last night. But nothing is too weird if both of us are craving for the same thing, but that ia what I really don't know right now. Does he crave for the same thing?

Probably he does, but probably he doesn't. I don't have the power to read people's mind, but I wish I could. I want to know what he is currently thinking, drilling my eyes over the back of his head clearly doesn't help me with anything. 

He turned his body around, looking at me whilst biting on his lower lip. His eyes stared over my face, raising both of his eyebrows up as he did so, wearing an anxious look upon his face. 

"Now, will you tell me what's in your head back then?" The question he spoke slammed against me hard, and I suddenly felt exposed. The way he looked at me telling me that he cared for me, but that's just how it looks like, right?

I wanted to speak something out, not having the idea to make a story. But we don't have anything to talk about, because I don't even know what I was thinking. My thoughts were mixing with each others, sliding over and over. And frequently spun like a tornado, leaving me feeling confused and slightly dazed.

"I-I don't even know wh-what I was thinking." I informed, my voice was barely above a whisper. 

"Just tell me anything, you need to get rid of them." He stepped closer to me, still staring at my eyes that were both filled with emptiness. "I can help you to get rid of your thoughts if you let me." The last sentence he spoke, he used a small voice, whispering out every words, almost seductively. The way he spoke those words sent chills down my spine, making me squirm visibly due to the weird feeling that gathered in me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but there's no voice that came out of it. My throat felt sore in all of a sudden, ached slightly everything I tried to let a word out. I then found myself nodding as a response to his offered. A twitch of excitement sparked inside of me when he suddenly pulled me roughly, before he pushed me onto my bed.

I moaned when he grinded his hips down against mine, sending a strange feeling over my own body when I heard my own voice. It's something that I had familiarize myself with, but now, it felt different, probably because the sound I produced didn't happen because of myself.

He looked at me with pure lust featured in his eyes, licking his lips while looking into my eyes. Everything around me seemed to be blurry, and then I knew, this might be working. By doing this, I may rid the disturbing thoughts out of my head, but I can't be so sure about this, can I?

He ran his hand over my front, from my stomach to my chest, sending shivers down my body, hitching my breath lightly. I don't know if this is what I wanted him to do for so long, or even this is what I wanted him to do just for throwing away all the thoughts that are bothering me. Look, my thoughts are all fucking my head. I swear I'm going insane if nothing that can distract me happens.

He suddenly leaned in over to kiss my lips, but just briefly, holding my face in his hands tightly as if I am the source for him to stay alive. Another twitch of excitement sparked inside of me, my patience for this was long gone, and surely, I needed something to keep me sane. Something that will remove the thoughts, not caring of it will be temporary, as long as what I will feel is pleasure and satisfactory.

I moved my hand over his body, remembered that he's a male when I trailed my hands over his chest. This will be new for me, totally. I never thought I'd do this with a man, because as long as I knew before this, I am totally straight. 

Probably things changed in just a blink of an eye, which send me to a new conclusion. My thoughts were ripped off when Frank suddenly kissed my lips again, but now longer. I'm not going to just lose this bright opportunity. I'm going to spend it as best as I could.


	8. I'm Going To Water Your Plant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!

"I'm going to make you forget about all of your problems. But the effect will be on temporarily. If I can, I'll make it last for a very long time." He purred into my ears, speaking out each words clearly so I could get it right, as well as taking them out in a seductive tone, sending goosebumps up my skin slowly, creeping me out slightly. But this was what I desired for, wasn't it? This was the weird burning feeling at the pit of my stomach every time I thought about doing this, right?

There's no doubt located in me now, and I'm pretty sure that this was what I craved for. Now that I have a bright opportunity to do it, I should be happy although it will only last for a short time. But this chance happened just once in a life time, nothing else can repeat it twice, except if that is what both of us intend to do.

The way his skin grazed over the skin of my neck, down to my collarbone before tugging at my shirt and made me squirm underneath him, feeling my jeans got even tighter than it was before. I breathed heavily, just staring into his eyes as he look at me with a smirk plastered on his face. He changed his gaze, looking at my crotch and I felt exposed in all of a sudden, feeling slightly uneasy with all of this, but I am sure I will keep this going on.

I swallowed hard, moving my arms over his back before pushing both of my hands down, sending him crashing straight on top of my body. I hurried up my movements, taking his face in my hands before colliding our lips together, kissing him hungrily with a lot of force. I pushed his head down even harder, and earned a rough moan from the back of his throat.

He moved his hands, trailing it upwards over the both sides of my body, sending instant shivers down my spine. His hands were both now tangled in my hair, playing with a few strands of jet black with pure delicate as he kissed me, now smooth. The harsh movements that we made seemed to decrease slightly each seconds, and everything went more controlled than a few seconds ago. Everything suddenly changed with a blink of an eye, from hard to easy, fast to slow and fierce to calm. I slacked my grip on his body, moving my fingers over the skin of his neck, very slowly to tease him, a sweet revenge.

He moved his lips to the left, kissing my cheek whilst trailing his tongue at the spot, moving downwards, to my jaw until his lips were arrived at the side of my neck, not moving. His hot breath rushed against my skin, and I exhaled the breath that I didn't realize that I'd been holding for a few seconds. I can clearly feel the huge bulge in his pants against mine, feeling my cock twitch slightly when I suddenly bucked my hips up without even thinking about the consequences I would face with. But for sure, there's nothing to regret about, because right now, everything that I planned in my head are the things that I won't ever feel bad after doing.

"I want you to strip for me, Gerard." He whispered against my neck, letting out hot breaths sliding over my skin. He sat up, taking off his shirt before he looked at me, waiting me to undo all of my clothes. I sat up slowly, swallowing really hard after I rested my hands at the hem of my shirt, ready to lift it up my head. I stared deeply into his hazel eyes, rolling my shirt over my head before throwing it into any random direction.

The cold air hit my bare torso in just a second, seeing Frank smirked after he saw me topless just making this whole situation a lot harder to control. The way everything mixe up in my head makes it hard to think straight, everything around me seemed to be blurry in all of a sudden, except for the figure in front of me. Frank is the main point of my eyes in this moment because he is the only solid form that I can see without having any problems. I inhale sharply, still having my eyes darted towards Frank's pairs as I unbuttoned my jeans, sliding it down to my ankles before tossing it across the room. And if you don't know this, I took it off me, along with my underwear. While I was taking of my pants, I seemed to zoned out, drowning into his eyes. And when realization hit me really hard on my face, I started to panic, knowing that this is the first time, the very first time, I'd every stripped my clothes for someone.

Frank suddenly moved his hands down to grab my bare hips, climbing on top of me, causing me to toppled backwards. He kicked off his pants, and I blinked my eyes a few times, realizing that he didn't wear any underwear. The pace of my pulse got faster than ever as he leaned it, kissing me in all of a sudden, unexpectedly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, curling my legs over his but then moaned softly when he suddenly bit my lip, moving his lips in just one movement to my neck, biting hard on the exposed spot.

"I like to hear you moan, baby." Frank said with a low voice, forming his words softly after he raised his head up a few inches from the skin of my neck. I can't wait long for this, I'm not going to end it with me cumming before anything really happens.

"I want you to fuck me." I whispered smoothly, desperately, feeling very excited to do this but at the same time, nervous. I didn't think twice before speaking, but then, I didn't even regret my words at all. This is what I wanted to do for now, this is what I think is an effective way to remove these disturbing thoughts out of my mind, not caring if it last for just a few minutes or even for a few seconds.

I saw a small smirk widening slowly on his face, enlarging and taking over some spaces as he took something from the nightstand with one of his hands, before he stretched it in my direction, partly wanting me to look at it, and the other part wanting me to rip the plastic open. I frowned at the sight in front of me, feeling my stomach flipped again for the millionth time with a lot of questions up in my head. When did he ready for all of this? Clearly, he's holding a condom, still kept safely inside its package.

He seemed as if he read my mind as he spoke out what seemed like an answer to the question the I never asked him. "I'd waited for this moment to arrive." He raised one of his eyebrow, stretched it even longer until it really reached the spot where I can easily rip it off with my teeth. Without having any second thoughts, I rip the plastic package open, spat out the bits when I tilt my head to the side, feeling myself getting nervous and anxious each second.

I am ready for what will happen next.

I don't care about the consequences.

I will not regret this, never will.

I closed my eyes after he rolled the condom slowly over his dick. I felt him shifted my legs, sitting in between my thighs before pushing both of my legs up. I stopped my breathing when I suddenly felt two fingers had been slid in my ass, feeling the slight pain and pleasure. I tried to not let a single sound escape from my lips, but I failed when I let out a moan, not a small and soft one, but a loud one. The fingers sliding in deeper, scissoring and made me moan again, but now quieter. I clenched the sheets tightly, feeling butterflies erupted in my stomach when I felt something bigger and harder entered my butthole without even any early warning.

"Fuck..." I groaned right at the moment when he thrust forward , feeling my stomach clench at the sudden pain that stings my whole body. He ran his hands up my thighs, before settling them at my hips, thrusting in a bit further with a small moan escaping his lips. My whole body tensed up at the strange feeling that struck through me.

"Oh my... God, Gee." Frank cried breathlessly, leaning his head in so his head is now laying on my stomach. "You're... So tight." He continued, raised his head up slightly to he can take a look at my face that showed mostly pain. "You'll get used to it, I promise." When he said that, I almost passed out, not because of the pain that I gained, but because I was surprised with the words that slipped out of his mouth. I felt myself getting weaker as he held a tight grip in my hips, raising himself to his normal position.

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling a bit pleasure, but a lot of pain occupying me in an instant. Frank squeezed my hips, really hard that it will leave bruises and fingermarks.I bit down my lip as he slid in deeper, before throwing himself back and thrust in harder, fucking me deeper each time before he hit my prostate, making me moan like a whore. I fought the urge to touch my throbbing erection, to touch myself like I used to, to give myself extra pleasure. Frank groaned loudly, when slammed into me once again, and now, the only thing that overwhelmed me is pleasure.

The feeling that I rarely feel because of someone else, the feeling that I am slightly addicted to. I closed my eyes shut tightly, with my mouth agape slightly, listening to my own moans, and Frank's. Panting hard like there's no tomorrow, trying to bring my breath back. But there's no way that I'm breathing normally right now. There's no way in earth to bring back my breath.

I felt a hand wrapped around my dick, squeezing tightly as I felt Frank thrust in, faster this time. The hand around my dick suddenly went up and down my length, but slowly. I bucked my hips up, begging him to move faster, wanting him to put in some pressure. I am slightly aware of how loud the moans are, a bit afraid if anyone would hear them. But the problem is not what I set in mind right now, the only thing that I think about it Frank... and sex, absolutely.

Frank ran his thumb over the tip for a few times, sending a weird yet familiar feeling bubbling at the pit of my stomach. And at that point, I knew that I will come in a few seconds. I realized that Frank had came when I look at his face, with his eyes closed and his mouth opened slightly. I blushed at the sight in front of me, never seen anyone did before in my life. Well, I'm technically not a virgin since I was nineteen, but I never saw anyone riding their orgasm before.

I came all over my stomach right after Frank, letting out a loud moan as well as riding my orgasm as best as I can. This is probably the best feeling that I'd felt in months. And that was the best sex that I have participate in. Frank slowly let himself out of me, sliding the condom down before throwing it into the bin that is next to my bed. He crawled over to the spot next to me, bringing up the duvet and sliding it over the both of us. He swiped a few strands of hair out of my face after I rolled my body over to meet him, smiling weakly.

I leaned my head against his bare chest, taking in his warmth, as well as the smell of sex and sweat that he offered to me, smiling widely. He played with my hair for a while, and the room is so quiet, peaceful even. I then noticed that we've been cuddling for quite a while, and I started to feel slightly sleepy.

I had closed my eyes since we started to cuddle, but never even fell into a sleep like what usually happens if I'm in a really peaceful condition with my eyes shut. But I didn't question myself on why I haven't fell asleep just yet, because probably I don't think it is necessary to pressure myself during this moment.

Then, I thought of something that surely can give me pressure, but I can't fight the strong urge to ask him the question. "Was that just a one night stand?" I asked bluntly, but of course after a few long seconds of thinking. I wanted to hit myself with something hard, to make myself suffering because of something, but with my current condition (tangling in bed with the one and only Frank Iero), it is almost impossible for me to make a large movement.

Frank's hand dropped from my hair, and when I looked up, he have a weird expression stuck on his face, but then, a small smile curved by his lips. "It maybe was, but it maybe wasn't." He didn't really answer my question, so I am kind of disappointed, but just slightly. I rolled my head over, so my body is now facing the opposite direction from Frank, not wanting him to hint the sadness, or even regrets on my face.   
"Okay." I almost whispered, saying the with not even a small sound of sadness. Well, I hoped that he didn't hear anything that sounded sad from me. I don't want him to think that I'm just a little kid that always sulk. I feel his arm slid over my waist, pulling me closer to him so now I'm leaning against his smaller form.   
"I don't do one night stands." He unexpectedly admitted, brushing his nose over the back of my neck slowly. He suddenly became silent, letting his words disappeared up the air, vanished by themselves.

"But you aren't sure if that was just a one night stand." I decided to continue for him, using a really pissed off tone, but my voice was so tiny and can barely be heard.

"I think you need to sleep, Gee." He suggested, which pissed me off even more. But I closed my eyes, probably taking in the suggestion he'd given to me. And then, I felt myself dragging away, mentally.

\-----

I shifted my position on the bed, trying to find a comfortable style to sleep with, but I realized that my bed seemed... empty. I snapped my eyes open widely, slightly surprised after I found that I'm on my bed alone. And I swear last night, Frank is the person who was lying just right next to me. I sat up, thinking that he might left a note for me, telling me the reason to why he left, but I found none. I rubbed my eyes with my fingers, scratching the back of my neck nervously with my other hand, slightly dazed. I checked my phone for any messages, but I found none... again.

He left without telling me a single thing.

I stood from my bed, grabbing a pair of pants that I found on the floor before sliding it over my legs. Not even bothering to brush my teeth or even wash my face, I reached the door, going outside of the room in a very slow pace. My ass ached. The house seemed warmer than it was last night, which made me feel slightly glad by the fact. Just right at the moment I stepped outside the room, Mikey jogged up the stairs, almost scaring the shit out of me because I just saw him hopped from the last step.

"Oh, you're awake." He said, not even sounding surprised or even amused. Not even a hint of humor located in his voice, although I just saw him jumping, which was a very rare activity for him too do. "You were having so much fun last night, huh?" Those words that slipped out of his mouth made my whole body visibly shook. The rate of my pulse accelerated abruptly, and I can clearly feel my stomach tumbled forcefully, nausea filled me in just a second.

"Wh-what?" I turned my head to face the ground, trying to hide the bright red that crawled over my cheeks. I felt him stood right before me, just staring at me from under his hooded eyes, probably glaring. I don't have the bravery to look at him back, not knowing what else to do to hide everything from my family. I know that I am old enough to do things by myself, but it was weird because my parents don't know that I'm attracted to the same gender. Hell, I don't even know what gender I am attracted to.

I can hear his smirk, creeping itself up his smug expression, growing wider, further and darker. I suddenly felt like I'd been underestimated by him, by my brother who was once my best friend. Who was once -or even still is- the one who I rely on. But something else bothered our strong relationship, there's someone that made him treat me this way. That person is ripping us apart, the thing that I promised Mikey that I'll never let it happen.

"You heard me." Mikey replied after a minute, sounding pissed off slightly. I looked up to face him, wanting him to explain something to me. I need something more as a prove that he really knows that I had a really fun time, last night.


	9. Maps Of The Problematique

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took so long... I was busy...

I shifted my legs a little bit, hoping that I'll find a comfortable position to stand up and not anymore standing in an awkward postures. Everything around me seemed to get even more tensed with flames sparkled out of Mikey's nose like an overly angry dragon, but that's just a metaphor of what is happening. Albeit things around us seemed to be gloomier, I still shone as bright as the sun, still having the effect from last night stuck to me really tight. I don't know what to say, so instead of talking, I gave him a simple shrug, a shrug that simply means nothing at all.

"Is your butt too hurt that you can't even talk." A few seconds after, I finally know what he meant, and I blushed heavily. My cheeks were suddenly tinted with a dark crimson, but I didn't move even in the slightest to cover it up from his sight.

"H-How did you know that I was the one who got fucked?" Those words suddenly escaped out of my mouth without any of my permission, and I blushed even more. I cupped my mouth as soon as the question was out, feeling as dumb as ever.

"You thought that no one could hear you last night?" I am now fully speechless, not having any other sentence to speak up as he actually knew every single thing about what had happened last night. But his words weren't really a surprise as I knew how loud we were.

"N-Not really." I answered bluntly after a few great minutes. I scratched the back of my neck nervously, fearing that my parents had heard us. Apart from Frank is a good fucker, I also learnt that I should low down my voice when I comes to having sex. It is something that I should be wary, mostly if I am still under the same roof as my parents, which is the situation I am in now.

"You don't know long dad questioned me about those sounds. He thought that I had brought another girl into my room, but I had reassured him that those sounds came from two men." I nodded slowly, turning my gaze into the other direction, and at the same time trying to remind myself that Mikey and Ray's relationship is still kept as a secret.

"Aren't you gay?" I squeaked loudly, earned a hurtful punch on my right arm that made me shriek in pain. I scowled, but I don't set any furious expression on my face.

"I'm bisexual, you asshole." He said, full with honesty which really surprised me.

"Oh, why you'd never tell me before?" I rolled my eyes, before settling another gaze on him.

"I thought that you could guess it by yourself. You're the person that I had spent most of my time with, and it was a big surprise after I knew that you didn't pay any of your attention to my interest." He said with a full and pure tone of disbelief.

"I do. But I never noticed who you look at, or even wanted to fuck with. You have Ray, so I thought that you might be gay. You're dating Ray, right?" He rolled his eyes, which probably means yes. "How do you know that those noises came from us?" I asked again.

"Firstly, I had seen you with Frank last night before it all happened. Secondly, surely it wasn't from me because I was in my room. And the last, Frank suddenly appeared downstairs when I and dad were 'discussing' about the sounds this morning." He air quoted the word discussing, rolling his eyes again when he said the last sentence. Dad knew about this... and I am surely doomed.

My parents never knew that I am gay, so I really don't know if they will accept my sexuality like what I prayed they will. Sweat started to produces on my palms as I thought of the things that will probably happen. None of my thoughts were good, which was why my stomach churned slowly.

"What time was that?" I asked with a cracky voice, trying to remain calm from his eyes.

"Eight in the fucking morning." He said sarcastically, folding his arms before he rested them against his flat chest.

"You woke up that early?"

"I usually don't, but last night, I had a really hard time to fall asleep." He tapped his right foot impatiently against the tiles, producing an annoying sound.

"S-sorry." Was all that I managed to say, felt my cheeks heated up after imagined if I was in his situation, from another whole different perspective.

"Whatever." He almost turn himself around, but I forced him to stay by showing him how tensed I am in this moment. I clenched my hands into fists, and I said this through gritted teeth,

"What have I done that make you acted this way?"

"Nothing." He replied simply, as if it is not a big deal for me. I really hate how all of this is going to, and I swear, this wouldn't end in a good way if this problem keep going on in our lives.

"Michael James Way, I knew that you're lying because you're a bad liar. Just spit it out, I wouldn't mind your answers." Just... Spit... It... Out...

Spit! It Out!

"Honestly, there's nothing wrong with you. It's Frank." He paused, biting on his lip and playing his tongue over the lip ring that I never noticed until today. "Don't you realize that he's ego is lining up the sky? I never liked him even in the slightest."

"I'm not the one to judge anyone, remember? And I hadn't known him for too long to judge him the way you did." I kind of accused him, and I instantly palmed my face, right in front of him.

"But you would, at some point. Just wait until that time arrives, we'll see." He reassured me, pointing his index finger towards my body.

"Never going to judge anyone, I promise." I raised both of my hands in protest, tilted my head to the side a little bit as I spoke.

"Just shove your promise down your own throat, my ears will bleed if I heard any of it again. You always promise me something, but you rarely even keep your promise." That, hurt me like I'd been thrown with a dozen of rocks. Those sentences reopened the stitched and almost healed cut on my heart.

"I need you to list all my promises down a paper, hand it too me later. It's a command." I demanded, trying so hard to just shove his stupid words aside, or even away out of my already fucked up life.

"You're telling me to do some shit?" He questioned in a clear tone of disbelief, settled an amused expression on his face.

"I need you to do them. I need you to prove that you're right about the promises." It's actually a plan that I had made to distract him from insulting I and Frank even more.

My Frankie. 

"Whatever you say, Mister. But after all of this, I need to talk to you about something... pretty personal." He pulled out a straight expression, which made me swallowed my saliva, hard.

"We'll talk, soon." I said for the last time, before making my way passed him and slid my feet into a pair of slippers- the one that I only use in the house. Mikey followed me from behind as I walked down the stairs, not saying a word, and not even making any sound to catch my attention. It hurt me a lot, knowing that our relationship gets colder. It didn't feel right anymore, everything turned into something that I never intended it to be. I even turned myself into a monster, although the monster is not yet showing out, but it do feels like it deep down my heart. I am silently turning into an evil creature, I am wrecking myself without even realizing it.

Soon, I'll fully change into something or someone else, turning into some other beings.

The house seemed to be strangely filled with silence. The television seemed to be switched off at this moment, not even our footsteps can be heard. It seemed to be inaudible, to my ears. Almost everything is inaudible to my ears, except for my pulses and my gasps.

I heard my heart beat close to my ears, and I started to breathe very heavily, trying to calm myself. But nothing helped, even after I tried to use the breathing techniques that someone -I rather not talk about the person- taught me once before to relax myself if I'm stressed or even panicked. It usually helps, but in my current situation, nothing is helping me through this stage. I am hopeless, having anxiety problem really makes it even worse.

I'm literally slowly dying, silently even.

Deep down my darkened soul, there's a bulb that still needs to be lighten up, but no one is there to reach for it. I need to be genuinely happy again, I want to be with him like what we were used to be before Frank suddenly appeared into my life. It's technically not a bad thing that Frank came into my life, but it's also something that affective.

At the moment I reached the last step of the stairs on the second floor, Mikey stormed his way passed me and into his room, locked himself in immediately before I can even react. I sniffed, shaking my head violently at the incident that I just saw right before my eyes. It isn't something fun to watch him suffer that way. It suffers me as well, probably without him even knowing about it.

I don't really understand why it is a big deal for him that I befriended with Frank. It isn't something bad at all. He should be happy because I hardly make any friends, and being friends with Frank is probably a true blessing, probably if the sex isn't involved.

Oh...

I just realized what is going on here right now. He probably thought that Frank was just taking the advantage to use me for his own pleasures, and this fact just hit my skull really hard that it went through it.

That can be true.

I bit my lip tightly, stopping my walk immediately to catch back my breath. My mind is spinning around, with thoughts constantly shoved into my mind and almost make me puke by the dizziness that the feelings gave. I shivered visibly, feeling shivers running down my spines slowly at agonize every inch of me with loathsome, pure and perfect.

I continued my way down the stairs, certainly ready for what I will face next. Not caring if it's love or even hate, I'll accept it as good as I can. I need to move out at some point, really need to make some progress in my life and try not to act like a teenager because I am officially an adult, yet not acting like one. I need to think positively, to just accept every single thing that comes into my without even protesting and rejecting. I finally arrived at the lowest floor, and I made my way to the kitchen. Just like what I had anticipated, my mom was in the kitchen, probably cooking or even baking anything that she possibly could.

I lowered the sounds of my footsteps, but of course I was caught by her no matter what I had planned on doing. She stared at me from the bottom to top, judging me by the look on her aging face. "Good morning, Gerard." She greeted me first after I didn't say anything for almost a minute, not even moving since the moment I stepped into the room. I froze.

"Go-Good morning." I stuttered, looking down at my feet while scratching the back of my neck nervously. I dragged my gaze over the room, before perfectly settled it upon my mother's face. She smiled at me, handling a plate of pancakes to me which I gladly took in my hands. "Thanks." I whispered quietly, smiling vigorously.

"How was your sleep?" She asked me in a light tone, placing her hands on the either side of her hips while leaning against the counters. My smile vanished instantly off of my tired looking face, and I raked my fingers into my greasy hair.

"I had a very good sleep." I croaked awkwardly, making my way to the sink and washed my hands before taking a fork and knife. I placed the plate and the cutlery onto the table before I sat into the chair. I looked around, before once again placed my gaze steadily onto my mother. "So... where's dad?" I asked in a very low voice before taking a forkful of pancake into my mouth.

"He's gone to work." She answered me instantly and casually making her way to the next room. "I'm going to shop for some groceries, any request?" She stopped and turned her body to face me, waiting for me to answer her simple question. I shook my head, biting and chewing my pancake. "Well, okay then." She said before she turned around, but I stopped her by mumbling some words that I can't form due to my full mouth. She hummed in responce, perched up her eyebrows.

"Can I go out this afternoon?" I asked for her permission after I had swallowed down the remaining of food. I did it all of the time, I asked for her permission all of the time, but gladly she never looked irrirated by my frequent questioning.

"Of course you can, my dear. You can go out anytime you want but don't you ever get in any trouble again." She answered before waving goodbye. I lazily waved back, standing up from my seat and placed the plate and the other things into the sink, not bothering to wash them clean because I am still the lazy person I was. 

I hopped over to the stairs, ready to start the day although it is obviously almost noon right now. But who cares what time y is now, I still have a very long road to move onto, and all I want to do right now is to meet Frank once again.

Honestly, I can't take him out of my head, as if he'd permanently stuck there and wouldn't go anymore in the nearest future, forever I mean. There's something about him that make me somewhat fell for him. If I even fell for him. It's confusing, but at the same time almost reassuring me. 

\-----

I picked up my phone from the nightstand, inhaling deeply and sharply, yet I can still feel myself trembling so hard. I unlocked it instantly, going to the contact numbers and dialled Frankn I stared blankly at the screen, sitting myself onto my bed and lifted my legs up. I hugged my legs with one arm, and raised the phone to my ear with my other arm. 

Beep.. Beep..

Beep... Beep...

Beep.... Beep....

Beep..... Beep.....

Beep...... Beep......

"Hello." He voiced from the other line, which made me sighed in relieve. I bit my lip, screwing my eyes shut.

"Hey, Frank." I said back with a cracky and hoarse voice, breathy and blurry, red and blue. 

"Oh, Gerard." Guessed he didn't save my number in his contacts. But that's okay, he's no one. 

I am no one.

"Yeah, it's me." I replied after almost a minute, listening to his unstable breathing through the speaker. There's something going on, obviously. And I am determined to find what the hell is wrong with him. But he's not the one that I should even care about. Again, he is no one.

"I guessed you were looking for me." I didn't reply, instead, I waited him to reply for himself. "I left your house in the morning, got some work to do. I am sorry that I didn't tell you." I am obviously don't feel any satisfaction towards his simple answer that was formed by a few sentences that I know about. I rolled my eyes, though he can't even see me.

"You should tell me because I almost assure myself that last night was just another bad dream." I lied, of course. I certainly knew that last night was not just a dream, and not bad either. But I somehow wanted to add a few spices on it when I mentioned it to Frank, and the ugly result was what I had came with.

"A bad dream, huh? Guessed you didn't felt ecstatic enough." He said in an amused tone, almost chuckling. And of course, the tone that he used almost curve a small smile up my lips. But I was forced to prevent from smiling, although I can clearly feel the muscles around my cheeks tightened.

"I want to see you again, where can it be?" Yeah, going to the point is the best resolution to go with if I want to avoid from talking about sex. I tightened the hug around my legs, almost squeezing them hard against my chest and it caused me to coughed a little bit.

"You do really miss me." He suddenly informed, which made me swallowed all of my spit anxiously. My breathings got irregular once again, and I can feel beating of my heart sped up in an instant.

"If- If that's what you want to call it as..." I replied bluntly, but my lips were trembling. 

"You can come to my apartment this evening." I almost laugh when he said that because really can't believe that he still accept me into his life after what happened last night. 

"Oh, okay. So see you this evening." Well, I technically said that I'll see him this evening, but I will actually come to his place right after this. It's two o'clock now, and I had took a shower as well as wearing my clothes. I also had fixed my hair, and wear eyeliner around my eyes. 

"Alright, bye." He hung up first, and I shoved the phone into my pocket. I stood up abruptly from the bed, almost stumble down that maybe will cause the result of me falling flat on my fucking face. I watched briefly at my own reflection on the wide mirror, glancing out the huge window once in a while to check out the weather. It looked warm, but certainly, looks can't really tell us the exact answer. 

My face looked sick, I am always the ugly person that had once got mocked and bullied in school, but glad that I didn't stay that way forever, well, except for the ugliness of my fucking face. 

I walked across the room and grabbed the doorknob before twirling it around. I didn't hesitate to walk out and closed the door behind before I jogged swiftly down the stairs. As I reached the second floor, a piece of paper flew over me and hit my face, which caused me to jump and fell down onto the hard on cold tiles. I looked up to see a pissed of face, glaring at me heavily with arms crossed and was put against the chest. Mikey motioned at the paper that was on the floor near my feet and sat up before reaching for it. Still is sitting on the floor, I unfolded the folded paper and stared at the writing with wide eyes.

The list of the six hundred and sixty-six promises that Gerard broke.

How ridiculous.

I raised my gaze up at him, replacing my questioning looks with an amused one. "What is this?" I asked as if I didn't know what this was all about. He looked at me boringly, drilling a hole into my fucking face and probably burn it, also.

"Your fucking list, turd." 

"Hey, don't call me that. I'm not a turd, I am a human."

"Where are you going?" He dropped the topic expectantly, leaning his back against the glass wall where I can clearly the the back lawn through.

"I'm going to see Frank."

"Oh, that's good that you would leave me here alone because of the other dumbass." His sentence brought up a really uncomfortable silence. I stood up from the cold floor and fixed my clothes, staring at my feet.

"Well, you can ask Ray to come over. Bob, even. You got friends, remember?" I said after a few minutes, raising my head up and crashed with his furious gaze. 

"I will really appreciate it if you would spend some time with me. I said to your earlier that I want to talk about something with you."

"I think we can talk about it later, I need to leave right now." 

"It will only take less than ten minutes for fuck's sakes, Gerard."

"I'm sorry, but I can't." I am being the selfish person I was and still is. "I promise that we'll talk about it after I get home." I shoved the useless piece of paper into the other pocket that wasn't fill with anything and wished to read it later on, if I even remember. But it was probably hard to write down all of those things onto a piece of paper because sure it was a lot. His hand might feel numb right now, so I might would want to appreciate his hard work by reading it and probably take some values from the things that I will read.

"So, it looks like Frank is way more important that your own brother." I ignored his sentence and proceeded my way done the stairs and out into the garage. I unlocked my car and got inside as soon as possible before reversing out of the place. I drove the car recklessly, not having any thoughts to get involve in a car crash and sped the car up when I was in the main road. Turning the radio frequently, I held my gaze onto the road and try to not think about anything else except from driving. 

I really do planned on buying a new one, but I waited for the time to arrive. I don't know when will I buy a new car, but sure it is as soon as I can. I want to get rid of this garbage that I called as a car, well it's technically one of my favorite car but I am getting kind of sucked into boredom with it right now. 

I arrived in front of a familiar building, parking the car into a parking lot before getting out. The cold gust of wind hit me gently, and I immediately took my jacket out of the car and shrugged it in. I breathed in a loud amount of air before slowly exhaling my breath out, and I repeated the same process for about two times. I started to wall towards the building, feeling my own body quivering and my sights blurring. I hate this feeling of nervousness and anxiousness, and I anticipated that something bad is about to happen. 

I went into the building and instantly making a beeline towards the elevator before going up to the level of Frank's apartment. The door of the elevator slid open slowly, and I was forced to walk out when the door almost closed. I stepped forward while glueing my eyes out of the large glass wall and watched the birds flew by the building. It looked peaceful outside, as if I am in heaven. This place looked remote, but at the same time, full. I can't form the right word to describe my surroundings right now because I don't think the right word ever exist. It's bizzare, but at the same time, mediocre.

I found myself standing right in front of the doorstep of Frank's apartment, readying myself to leave a few knocks. As I raised my hand and neared it to the door, the door suddenly flung open without me expecting it would happen. Two man appeared in front of the door, still having his lips attached to another pair of familiar lips. I stepped back a few feet away from them, opening my jaws apart at the sight in front of me. 

"Fr- Frank?" The word suddenly fell down from my lips, and I wanted to take them back, to not make any sound as they making out in front of me. But of course, the word is now out of my reach, flying around freely into the air and of course had hit their ears clearly. The both of them suddenly stopped moving, before Frank pushed the other guy out of his way, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Wh- what are you doing here? I thought I said to you that you can come here in the evening." He said in a high pitched tone, leaning his small body against the door frame and glancing in between me and the other guy that he just kissed.

"You did." I bit my tongue, which caused me to form a weird expression that I instantly regretted. "I guess I am bothering the both of you. I should go now." I turned myself around, but was stopped by his next sentence.

"He's about to leave, you can stay." The other man looked at Frank in disbelief, wearing a questioned expression.

"Don't you remember the reason why we're opening the door just now? I wanted to bring you out." The stranger voiced suddenly, putting his hands by the either side of his hips.

"But I have a guest, Pete. He deserves to stay."


	10. Just A Filler Chapter? IDEK

I was invited to enter the house as soon as Frank said his goodbye to the other guy who I assumed was Pete. I bet his trademark is the eyeliner around his shiny brown eyes, perfectly placed almost as if it's impossible to even wear it like that. I pulled out a face as soon as we both were inside his house alone, avoiding from making any eye contact with him. "Who was that?" I asked in a genuinely curious tone, perching up an eyebrow in question but I kept my eyes low, preventing my gaze from clashing with his that I had no doubt was flashed through me. 

"A friend of mine. We went to high school together and I haven't seen him for years." Frank replied right after a very awkward silence, pulling my right arm gently and moved us away from being near to the door where we entered just now. I hung my head low, letting him tosses me onto the couch and pleased him when he climbed on top of me, cupping my face in his sweaty and shaky palms. 

"Is that so?" I uncomfortably asked, slowly bringing my hands up and rested them by the either side of his hips. I bit down my bottom lip nervously, trying to bring back my normal heartbeat as well as trying to prevent myself from getting a panic attack. I courageously dragged my gaze up and met directly with his pair of beautiful and gorgeous honey hazel eyes, which were both hooded under long eyelashes. 

I waited for his respond for almost a minute, before he finally shook his head, looking down and dropped his hands from my face. "He-He is actually my boyfriend..." He whispered quietly as he spoke and my heart suddenly dropped off a very fucking tall and narrow cliff. I can no longer breathe properly, as if I have drowned into the air around me. A mix of feelings hovered inside of my fucked up mind, crossing each other's path and tangled over each other's form. "We've been together for six months by now."

"Wh-Why haven't you told me this before?" I croaked out a shaky voice, feeling myself quiver at the thoughts that flew into my head without any permission. I found him staring back at me again, looking down at me with sad yet lustful eyes and shaky lips. 

"He was out of town for a few weeks." He easily replied, cupping back my face in his still sweaty palms. I shook my head, looking down and staring at nothing. I felt very empty inside in the moment, I felt numb and used. He have played with my mind, and after all of the mind games he held for me, all of it was for nothing. I was being used by one of my favorite guys in the whole universe, and no one knows how hurt it felt to be like that. 

But I was actually no one to him, I am always no one to everyone. I didn't mean anything to him or to anyone else. I am just the one person who passes by and stops for a moment, but then being forgotten by everyone except for my family. They're the only few people who still act like I exist, but they're still no use to me. I found no use in them, and probably they thought the same. 

Now, after thinking through it, I found that I don't exist and is no use. 

I remained silent, still trying to form any sentence or word to use as a reply to what he said earlier. I can hardly form any words to say, my mind went blank in just a few seconds ago. Everything around me went so fast that I slipped and buried into a man made burrow, living in the darkness that it served without any source of light that I can use to make the things around me clear. I am drowned by the heavily splashing waves that sunk me deep down the very wide ocean of sadness and numbness, emotionless, even. I opened my mouth slowly, fixing back my gaze onto his now widened eyes. "It's okay," was all that I managed to say. I forced him to get off me by lifting him up slightly and put him down right beside me, still on the soft and cozy couch. 

"What?" He asked in disbelief, widening his eyes a bit more and let his mouth opened slightly. I knew that this would happen, I have predicted that he'll not believe in what I just said. 

"I said it's okay." I repeated once again in a very empty voice, looking at him strangely while trying to hold the tears that started to prick by my eyes. I am a weak person, I am easily hurt by everything and I have a very low self esteem. I cry so easily and it is a sign of weakness.

"You don't have a problem with it? I mean, I fucked you last night and after you knew that I have a boyfriend, you only replied that it was okay? It is obviously isn't okay, Gerard." He stood up abruptly from the couch, looking at me with pure disbelief. 

"If it isn't okay, it isn't. But if it's okay, it is." I bluntly said, not even feeling the words slipped from in between my numb lips. I relaxed my facial expression a little bit when he placed both of his hands on the either side of my shoulders, looking at me thoughtfully.

"I don't understand." He muttered quietly, lifting my head up to meet with his gaze. I let him crashing our gaze together, simply letting him control almost everything that happened around us. 

"What I meant was that it depends on our own opinions." I replied just after what he said just now, again, simply letting him do whatever he wants. He climbed on top of me once again, putting his knees on the either side of my thighs and neared his face to mine. There are a few inches of distance I'm between our lips, and I can clearly feel the hot breath of his against my soft and cold skin. 

He shook his head as he pulled out a soft and unreadable expression. "No, Gerard. It's not okay to treat you like that." He easily said, pulling my face closer to his and left a very tiny gap in between our lips.

"You have a boyfriend, remember? You shouldn't sit on me right now and have your face very near like this, these aren't right." I suddenly found myself snapping but then a pair of soft lips immediately being pushed against my chapped ones. I moaned softly from the back of my throat, craved and wanted this contact so badly since I came here less than an hour ago. I mindlessly wrapped my arms around his neck, tilting my head slightly to the side and pressed back a bit harder. His hands rested on my hips, before the realization was flicked in my head.

This is so wrong. He has a fucking boyfriend that he may or may not love, and I'm here kissing him back? 

I immediately leaned my head back and lost the contact between our lips. He gruntled quietly, sliding his hands up and pushed the back of my head forward so my lips were collided against his again, but I did nothing. I stayed still, my lips were quivering hard enough for the both of us to feel the clear vibration that rattled softly. I shook my head. "I can't." I muttered against his lips, and he pulled his head back, looking at me strangely. He raised both of his perfectly plucked eyebrows, widening his eyes slightly and left his mouth opened a little bit. "We shouldn't." I quietly continued, pushing him off my laps and made him spawned back onto the seat next to me. He looked at me with his sad eyes, clearly speechless. 

We spent almost five minutes by staring blankly at each others, really not knowing what else to say anymore. He tried to speak once but was stopped immediately by his racing thoughts that travelled deeply inside his head. I can imagine how he felt in this very moment, but somehow, I am clearly in the opposite situation. We both were conflicted by the other things that moved along with us. I hated life, but so did he.

I noticed it easily by the look in his eyes, how they pictured hatred towards his own being. He didn't deserve the terrible feeling, but he somewhat should taste the bitterness of life that I consumed for my entire life. I can do nothing by now, I froze myself and struggled to keep myself the way I should. I am fighting against my own nerves and instinct, but I found myself drowning even lower into the shallow water that I can't even see or touch, but I can feel the water eating me in and pleased with my sudden presence. Is the water taking me, or am I taking myself?

I am lost in my own head, when I shout, my voice will echo throughout the endless row of tunnels. I am nowhere right now, I don't know where I am, and nothing around me can tell me what is happening. 

I felt sad, I felt happy, I felt angry, I felt confused, I felt amused. Every of the emotions came in all of a sudden, darting their way towards my puzzled being. I am now attacked by dozen and various expression that I never knew can be feel by my own. There's a lot of questions going on around me, but none of them is interesting to my mind. I felt slightly different from what I usually felt. I felt as if I am in a state that I don't even realize existed before, a state of utter confusion with a mix of anger and depression. It felt familiar, but at the same time, so unreal. 

I can feel my face shifting into another form of expression. I can feel the end of my mouth stretched up slightly, but it somewhat felt like another form of feeling. Just a feeling. I can't confirm if I was smiling or I was scowling or pouting. Another wave of pure confusion smashed again my fucked up head, passing through it as well as rushing its way the other side of my washed up brain. I felt nauseous and my head pounded without any warning. What is this weird feeling?

Oh right, the fear of losing someone.

Frank flicked his fingers right in front of my face, waking me up from my own head and was brought up alive. But the feelings didn't go away, they are still playing with the other emotions that I locked up secretly. I squinted my eyes as they focused back onto the ray of lights that peeked through the dark colored curtains that was placed on the large and wide window frames. I turned my gaze a but upward before I finally stopped it right on Frank's dazzled face. " Are you alright?" He asked in a very light tone, his words floated up and through my ears very lightly that it was almost impossible for my ears to really sent back the impulses to my brain. 

I breathed in a but sharply, feeling my stomach dropped down below the level that I allowed it to be. "Yes, I am genuinely fine." I replied after what seemed a few hours after, although it was less than a minute ago when he asked me. He leaned back a few inches and deeply sank into the couch, pulling his knees up after he pushed his shoes off and wrapped his arms securely around his legs. He loudly sighed, burying his face into the tiny hole that was situated in between his knees. 

"You seemed to zone out for only god knows how long." He muttered against his legs, but made no move to strain his words from getting into my now alarmed ears. I can hear the beating of my own heart, annoyingly echoed inside of my ears in the same beat with to rhymes.

"Sorry." I choked rather bluntly, not feeling my tongue as it moved in my mouth. Everything felt numb once again, I defeated myself by dropping myself back into my mind. I stared aimlessly at the bare walls before my eyes, getting sleepier within each seconds before I finally gave up on keeping myself awake. And again, of course Frank kept me awake for the second time by flicking his fingers next to my ears. I snapped my eyes open and looked emptily into his now emotionless face. 

"You don't look so well to me, Gerard." He whispered into my freezing ears, heated up a spot just right below my left ear and I shivered. "You looked incredibly awful and pale." He commented as he shoved a stray of hair out of my face. I closed my eyes again and was lifted up by him in all of a sudden. "I think you just need a nap, you looked so fucking tired and sick." I merely nodded in response, immediately slid my arms around his neck and laid my head against his shoulder. 

I was brought to his bedroom and was left lying on the bed, covered up with his duvet that he pulled up to the level just below my ears. He pecked on my cheek and instantly disappeared himself into the next room, closing the door behind him quietly. I sniffed, taking in the scent of his body that I can clearly smell on his bed sheets. I turned my body to lay on my side, curling up like a ball and strained the disturbing thoughts away from nearing my head. I locked myself up inside my cave once again, throwing the other things away and left me alone with my mind.

\-----

I felt heavily duct taped onto the bed, but clearly it's just another weird feeling that overwhelmed my unhealthy and lazy mind. I sprawled my whole body across the sheets and heard a barely audible mutters from right next to me. I opened my eyes lazily, finding that I am still situated on the same bed but with another living creature right beside me. Frank scratched his head mindlessly, yawning slightly in sleepiness and squinted his eyes, but then fell asleep once again. I looked at the other side and was met with a few bright red numbers that illuminated the almost pitch black room. Until now, only then I noticed that it was already midnight. 

I scrambled myself up, sitting on the bed with my legs crossed in an awkward angle. Frank shifted on his spot, running his other hand over to my side and rested it there. I poked his ribs with the intention that I'll wake him up without surprising him, but of course doing it without shocking him is impossible. He suddenly opened his eyes widely, yawning one more time before setting his gaze right onto me. "Oh, you're awake." He muttered incoherently as he yawn, sitting up right beside me while stretched his arms out. 

"It's two a.m." I mindlessly said, folding my arms and placed them right across my chest. I glared him with my eyes narrowed, clenching my jaw without any purpose. 

"Yep, it is." He replied after he looked briefly at the clock on the nightstand, nodding a few times. I only can see the shadows of his form and just a slight of his figure in the dark. I can see the shadows of his messy and stuck up hairs pointing all around on top of his head. I still glared aimlessly at him, waiting for his other response, just being the selfish person I am always is. "What?" He asked in a light tone, shrugging his shoulders when he said the simple and short word. 

"You didn't you wake me up earlier?" He switched on the lamp on the other nightstand, instantly giving lights into the room. I only realized that I was just in my boxers and shirt when the light hit my whole body, and I instantly looked at myself I. disbelief. 

"It was very warm in here so I thought that you might not want to wear your jeans." He immediately answered, and I lazily scowled at him, pulling the duvet a bit higher. "It's not like I've never seen you naked before." He commented smugly. After he said the last sentence, I finally realized that he was right. That I had shown him my whole body before without feeling ashamed. I can feel my face flushed at the dirty thoughts that was lifted up into my head by some unknown forces.

"Yeah, whatever." I whispered in shame, climbed out of the bed and stood up before going over to the jeans that was hanged against a wall near me. I slid the jeans on, jumping slightly as I struggled to put the skinnies and sighed when I managed to lift it up and buttoned it immediately. 

"Where are you going?" He asked in genuinely curious tone, standing up and reached for me before turned me around my grabbing one of my shoulders. He was in his boxers. His torso was bare and inked with various shapes and designs of tattoos that I found interesting to study. I lowered my gaze and innocently stared at the tattoos of two birds with the word 'and' tattooed in between them. I wanted to ask him what does it means but I was also wanted to rush everything and go out of this building as soon as possible. I can feel that my parents are searching for me and they'll explode like a nuclear bomb when I arrive home soon. 

"It's really late and I need to leave." I said like it was the obvious answer every, which is indeed true. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and found a few missed calls from mom, dad and Mikey. 

Wow, from Mikey.

A surprise it is.

That little shit was worried about me or was he been forced my mom and dad?

I don't give a damn anyway.

"Oh," was all that he said before he let me go, pulling his arms to his side and followed me as I stormed out the room and into the living room. 

"You're old enough to live in your own, aren't you?" He suddenly asked when I was grabbing my abandoned jacket on the sofa, and made me jump slightly at the sudden tone that entered my blunt ear. I turned my head and looked at him for a few seconds, before clearing my throat and ready to speak.

"Indeed I am." I quietly replied, setting out a straight face as I speak.

"So, why are you still living with your parents? Isn't it boring to still have to follow their useless rules and shits?" He asked again, now with an even more curious tone. I scratched the back if my neck and ransacked my brain for answers.

"That's what I thought either, but I need to wait for the right time to move out." I replied after almost ten seconds of staring into each other's eyes, gnawing on my bottom lip.

"Did your parents forced you to stay?" 

"No, they'll like it when I move out." I rolled my eyes, moving myself further towards the front door. "So, see you anytime soon." I said, waving a lazy goodbye towards him which he gave back immediately. "Say hello to Pete." I teased and instantly ran out of the door, picturing him scowling in my head and I softly giggled at the image. I pushed the button on the elevator and waited for a few seconds before the door slid open. I stepped in and pushed another button to the ground before the door closed very slowly.

\-----

I sat down in my room, staring blankly out the window and trying to picture how the world out there looks like in the dark. It's currently three in the morning, the sun is not yet reaching the surface to give us sunlights. I let out a loud sigh out of my lips, rubbing my eyes with the balls of my fingers and lied down on my bed.

Lots of thoughts broke into my mind and fucking my brain rather aimlessly, making my head spun and throbbed at the pain that it has given. I like to think about things when I am absolutely alone, but this subject that I'm thinking right now is hurting me mentally. I felt the sharp pain that it offered, the weird feelings that were thrown in my way. It hurts just to think.

I don't know what else to live for except from racing. It's the only activity that relaxes me and makes all the disturbing thoughts out of my mind. I enjoy racing a lot, but I still need some motivation to keep doing it because I realized that I really don't want to live anymore. 

I rarely even eat nowadays, letting myself starving until death. I really like to eat, but I am feared that I'll be fat again. When I am fat, I got teased by everyone in school, just because of being fat. The society likes skinny people than fat people, judging just by their weight. It's fucking stupid and nonsense. We shouldn't be judged just because we're fat, it isn't appropriate and is very unfair. But I can do nothing to change it. The society is stronger and better than my will to protest them. 

I can hear my pulse beating rapidly in the either side of my ears. My anxiety level got higher than it was before, and it happened because I changed the subject to Frank and Pete. Oh how lucky Pete to have a perfect boyfriend like Frank. Indeed I am jealous about it, but still, I can do nothing because it is out of my border lines. Maybe they are meant to be together, leaving me shoved to the side. Leaving me lifelessly breathing the wasted air around me, leaving me dying slowly and have spent my time wasting myself. 

But why is Frank so kind to me?

It's so abnormal because it's just is. Even after I knew that Frank have a boyfriend, he treated me just the same as what he did before. Maybe that's just him. But the kiss, that certainly isn't the way he treated every human kind that he know. He kissed me earlier today, even after I knew that he have a boyfriend. Is he a whore or something?

And the that thing about Mikey. Why was he like that? 

There must be something about Frank that bothered him. Perhaps Frank treated him the same way until he knew that Frank is actually taken by another guy. Maybe that's it. Maybe Mikey was heart broken after he knew about it, and he hated Frank ever since. But Mikey have Ray already, it still doesn't make any sense. But maybe Mikey knew that Frank is... somewhat a... whore. I don't even know what else to think about this. It felt so wrong to call him a whore, but also so wrong think that he's innocent.

I don't know, but I'll figure it out sometime eventually.


	11. A Crappy Update

The sunlight sneaked slowly through the black curtains that were hung on the large and wide windows on my left, instantly peeking through my eyelids and made me squint my eyes as I open them slowly. I curled myself in my duvet again, rolling over and face the other side to prevent ray lights from hitting against skin and at the same time entering my eyes. I clenched my eyes shut even tighter, bringing up my knees and rolled them up against my chest, hugging them safely with my numb arms. I let myself flow back to my good sleep, but I then realized that I can't go back to sleep. My mind won't shut off and that fact automatically made me unable to sleep.

I hate life.

I am loathing myself more within each breath that I take.

My stomach suddenly felt weird and funny, before a sudden blow of nausea was flipped over me. I climbed out of the bed and instantly flashed myself towards the bathroom, pushing the door open with just one hard push that made it slammed against the other side. I neared the toilet bowl and opened the lid before crouching down and let out all of the content in my stomach. Its stench was very unbearable and by the look of it, I wanted to throw up once again.

I didn't question myself why I vomited, though. I exactly know the reason and it was because I needed food. I haven't eaten anything heavy in the past few days, coffees and pancakes are my best mates and they're the only foods that I would allow to shove them down my rusty throat.

I flushed the toilet and stood up before went over to the sink. I stared at the ugly reflection of myself in the mirror, almost wanting to throw up one more time but I refused because there is nothing left in my stomach. The heavy bags under my eyes, the pale skin that I owned and the very ugly sculptured face just made me want to punch the reflection, but it'll hurt me instead.

Just by imaging how it'll look like if I punch my clenched hand against the mirror, it is enough to make me regret thinking about doing it. How the glasses stick up on my skin after digging down the bloody flesh. It's horrifying to just think, but what if it really do happens?

I shrugged off the weird and wasteful thoughts out of my fucked up head, looking down and avoided from the reflection. I hated how I looked like since I knew what it feels like to be hated by everyone. I never liked myself ever since, and not even planning on moving on.

I washed my mouth and brushed my teeth before going back to the room. I changed my clothes and hesitatingly went out, checking at the bad smell of my body for the last time before jumping down the stairs. I finally reached the ground level, immediately turned around the corner and inside the heavily bright kitchen. I found my mom and Mikey eating breakfast at the table, seeming to not knowing —or noticing— my presence. I paddled myself deeper into the brightly lit kitchen, grabbing my mug before pouring a hot coffee into the black mug. I slowly raised it up and neared it to my lips, taking in the strong yet comforting smell before gulping the bitter get sweet liquid. 

I heard mom cleared her throat, and the sound of ceramic being dragged across the wooden table stung my hurting ears. She stood up as I placed the mug onto the counters, staring blankly at her as she made her way to the sink and just tossed her plate and cutlery into it.

I gulped loud enough for my both alarmed ears to hear the sound, and the rate of my weak heart paced up in all of a sudden. My whole body can sense that something uneasy is going to happen sooner and as if on cue, my mom speaks, "What time did you got home?"

She rested her hands by the either side of her hips, tapping her foot impatiently against the wooden floor. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words went out and I mentally slammed my head and dragged it across the kitchen counters. I would dare myself do really do it in front of my family. I would even kill myself in front of them, not caring how bad I'm going to drag the name of my family around. 

I mindlessly poured more coffee into my cup and took again a few sips, trying so hard to calm down myself by drowning in caffeine. My mom seemed to heat up a bit, and that forced me to reply.

"Almost three." I bluntly replied in a coarse voice, feeling my heart bubbling up with anxiousness. I held the cup in my hand, leaning the side of my body slowly against the counters to support my now trembling legs. I can sense the disappointment in her face, the way she looked as she had given up on raising me. I can see a brief of regrets passing her face for a second before she lightly smiled, but her eyebrows formed an unreadable and also deep frown. 

"May I know why was that?" She questioned softly, and I realized that this situation is better than what I had expected less than a minute ago. I rolled my eyes in defeat, letting out a soft sigh as I rubbed my temple with my cold and sweaty palms. 

"I fell asleep at my friend's place." I was being so fucking honest, and I was seriously shocked by my own sudden answer to a really difficult question. I just don't want to lie anymore. I found that no matter how much I lie, things aren't going to fully change. It's a waste of energy to think for another reasonable answer, so being honest was the most easy and perfect option to take. But there's one thing that I lied about, Frank isn't my friend.

I am no one to him, so he should be no one to me, right?

I would rather throw myself off a cliff by now, but there's no cliff anywhere near me so I have no other things to do than just to answer her question. I felt hopeless already, numb and filled with solid sadness. It's just the same feeling as what I felt since what happened yesterday, never even changed a little bit. But there's still something hidden under those various mass of burden that buried deep down my darkening soul. Something that I don't know how to describe.

My phone started to ring and it buzzed annoyingly in my pocket. I held out a hand to my mom and disappeared into the other room. I stared at the name flashing on the screen of my phone, almost squeaking in excitement.

Yes.

"What's up?" I asked in a high pitched tone, standing still in the middle of the room, not even making any attempt to hide the eagerness that was featured in my voice. I heard a very familiar laugh from the other line, probably the only reason why I stay alive. 

"Hey mate. It has been a long time." His British accent is still thick and strong, not really changing.

"Oh, fuck. Just tell me when is it?" I chewed my bottom lip, waiting for him to respond. 

"Tomorrow, noon, at the same place. The deal is almost the same as it was before, but it's a lot more gainful. There are more faster cars joining in." He told, and I found a smile grazing against my chapped lips. 

"That's fucking perfect. I am fucking joining it, Matt."

"Of course. I am looking forward to see you tomorrow so you better be there." That was the last sentence that he spoke before he hung up. I shoved the phone back into my pocket, staring at the wall before me with a lots of anticipation. It's a fucking big race that he always will hold a few times every fucking year. Never skipped an event since it started seven years ago. 

Racing is my life.

With a bright smile, I went back into the kitchen and lazily took a plate and shoved a few pancakes onto it. I stared up and was met with Mikey's smirk, which was a really big surprise.

What had gotten into him? 

"You're going?" He asked, seemed to not remembering that our mother is still standing by the fridge, listening to the conversation that we will build after this. 

"Absolutely. I have waited for this moment to come-"

"What moment to come?" My mom suddenly interrupted, nearing the both of us slowly as she narrowed her eyes. "Your mood suddenly changed in just a second, it must've been a good thing."

"Another event." Mikey said cheerily, raising his head to face mom. I nodded instantly, grinning widely and hurt the edges of my mouth. 

Although I am genuinely happy now, I still have the dark spot inside of me. I still felt the pain that slowly agonizing me though I had shown a very joyful mood. I still felt the mixed feeling very clearly, still not moving on anywhere yet. 

"What event?" My mom asked curiously, forming a frown and seemed to be clueless. 

"Another race." I told her calmly.

"Is it legal?" At that question, I nervously stared at Mikey, who mirrored the same worried expression. I bit on my bottom lip, really not having any idea on how to answer her question. 

The race is legal, yes.

"I'm joking." She laughed humorlessly and I all but stifled a fake laugh just to prevent from disappointing her. "So when is the race will be hold on?" She tapped my back gently with her soft hand, glancing in between Mikey and I. 

"Tomorrow." Mikey said and he continued with his food. I kept my gaze held straightly towards him, still figuring what the hell on earth possessed him to suddenly treat me the way he did. I wanted to ask, but I kind of had guessed that it maybe caused by the upcoming event. 

After I had eaten my pancake, I hopped myself back up the stairs, wanting to lock myself out from everyone. But I still have something to do as I am going to have a race tomorrow, so that technically means that I need to go to the workshop to change the tires and service the fucking car. I am very lazy to make an appointment so I am just going to the place and see if I can do those things. 

I entered my room and locked the door behind me, squinting my eyes slightly to stabilize my sight in the very dark room. The opaque curtains really did managed to make just a slight ray of light peeking in from the sides, but illuminated the room nonetheless. My phone suddenly rang again, and because of the fact that I thought it was Matt again, I immediately answered it without even looking at the caller's ID. I heard a soft —yet familiar— sigh from the other line, and I instantly regretted answering the phone. 

"Hello, Gee." He calmly greeted, and I can imagine him smiling cheerily by the slight joy in his voice. 

"Hey." I sighed, rubbing my eyes with my fingers and sat slowly onto my chair. I held my legs up and hugged it with my free arm. He chuckled softly, and I thought that he laughed at my voice until the point when I heard another voice talking at the background from his line. 

Pete's voice.

I shrugged it off and waited patiently for him to speak again, but at the same time having the boiling eager to just hang up and punch the nearest wall.

Jeez, jealousy really had gotten me so well. But still, I would never wanted to show off my jealousy to anyone. I'll just embarrass myself all over again, and I'll make myself feel a little —or a lot— more ashamed of my own being. I am still the stupid person I was, and nothing changed at all except for the sudden dislike to myself. 

"I kind of assumed that Matt had told you about tomorrow's race. You'll be there, right?"

"Yeah, why?" I tried so hard to not change the volume or tone of my voice, but I think I had squeaked at the end of last my word.

"Nothing, just wanted to know. It's actually my first time going to the race after I moved here a few months ago. And it's the first time for Pete either, just saying."

"Oh." I really don't even want to know about that because everything about him hurts. I don't want to know what's his middle name, or even his actual height, or anything else about him. He's someone else's property, so I think I should respect that. 

And Pete. I never knew him, at all. 

"So, I forgot to ask one of my buddies when will the event starts..."

"It'll start at noon." My voice was undeniably coarse. 

"Oh, okay. Thanks." He said in a light tone, before he cleared his throat. I heard a laugh from Pete, before Frank snorted. "Pete says that he want to have a race with you tomorrow." 

"Sure." I calmly replied, digging my back deeper into the seat. I twirled a stray of hair with my index finger, gnawing on my lip and taking in a sharp breath. "I got a work to do, so... See you tomorrow." I bluntly stated, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Okay, bye." He hung up first, which was a good thing because I was very lazy to click on the screen. I mindlessly threw the phone onto the bed and started to roll myself down onto the ground.

I hate my life.

I don't have any clue on what is actually going on in my head right now but I sure do know that it is something about Frank. After knowing his relationship with Pete almost twenty-four hours ago, I immediately felt different than what I used to be. I suddenly felt a lot more hopeless, and I am determined to find out why's that. But I still am the weak person, and I doubted that I'll ever can find the way out of all this silent torment. I don't think that anyone know how I felt about everything. I don't deserve to live, but at the exact same time, I still want to spend my life on something. I don't going to waste my life because it is just so precious, but life didn't give me any hope.

I am now floating on an endless ocean where my journey with this life was just at the very start. I can detect the hatred that was locked in me, but I was too busy to even be bothered about it. My journey was probably just at its beginning, but to me, it's the end to everything. My head was spinning so badly and I was hit with a wave of nausea boiling freshly and sent a bile in my throat. But still, I was too busy to even give a damn about it. I was too busy thinking and wasting my time.

I turned myself around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard and tough wooden floor, but I failed miserably. I sighed in defeat, sitting up and climbed onto the bed. I looked at the clock, only to notice that it was three in the afternoon. I need to get going, but my whole body was stuck on the very soft mattress, as if it had silently and unknowingly glued me to it. Sounded extraordinarily hilarious, but it can be real if you have the same train of thoughts as what I have. 

The irritating sounds of pleads echoed annoyingly in my head, forcing me to get up from the bed and move on with my life. But still, I will not make any effort on doing shit because I am lazy as fuck. Every inches of by bones ached badly and they felt as if they weigh more than a thousand pound. Being so hopeless is so detrimental, living with a dozen of guiltiness is such an enormous burden weighted on my weak spines. I wanted to just let myself fall onto the ground, but I absolutely can't because there's something holding me up. I hate that thing, but yet, I don't even know what the thing is.

I rolled myself over, letting out a sigh with content. I am still young, but seemed to be old enough to die. I would commit suicide if I don't mind about anything else, and like what I said, there's something holding me up so that I won't fall. 

I sighed again, but now filled with pure frustration that I had kept inside of me for probably years. I sat up slowly, before marched towards the closet and took out some clothes to wear on. I changed my attires in just a few seconds before I slid into my shoes and placed my phone into my pocket. I hurriedly stormed out of the room and ran down the stairs recklessly, almost stumbling down a few times but I managed to balance myself, which was just my luck. I went out through the door and immediately pushed a button on the wall, sliding up the garage door. I unlocked my car and climbed in, starting the engine before reversing and sped out of the lawn. 

\-----

[The Next Day]

Remember to breathe, Gerard.

Try to use the breathing techniques that she taught you. 

You're fine, it's not like there's anything bad going to happen soon.

Yeah, fuck that. My instinct told me that something horrible is about to occur.

No, no, no...

I can feel my hands trembled against the now wet steering wheel as I drove my car to the place where the event is hold. My breath was thicker and I quivered hard enough for myself to feel the vibrations through the seat. My mind was fucked up and there's a dozen of useless and unhelpful thoughts smashing through my throbbing skull. 

I wiped the back of my hand on my forehead, trying to reduce the sweats that started to evolve on my skin, but all I did was sending a lot for wet patches onto my already wet face. 

I fucked up once again.

Mikey had left a while ago with Ray, leaving me with Bob on this ride that might takes a few hours. 

It is still morning, so there's no way the race has started yet. 

There's a lot of cars in the same route as what we're taking, most of them drive too slow that I'll die of waiting. Of course both of us had overtaken a few cars, but still, there's a lot more to fight. 

Bob was driving in front of my car with his Austin Martin D29, a car that I somewhat adored.

I had driven his car a few times before, but sure he won't allow me again after he saw how I had driven his car. He is a very smooth driver, very careful and alert. Unlike me, I am very reckless, clumsy and unalarm with my surrounding. 

I had crashed into something before, but it was when driving a car was a very new activity to me. 

After two hours, we finally arrived at the event. There's a lot of new and cool cars that I saw lining up the car spaces. There was a black Ferrari F360 Spider parked near us, and I took some time looking at its incredible design.

It's so fucking beautiful.

I dragged my gaze lazily around the place and saw Matt with his mates next to a violet GTA Spano 2014, looked so new and shiny. I looked at Bob and pointed at Matt, before he gave me a soft nod. I walked towards them, plastered a very generous smile on my face.

"Hey..!" He waved a hand, making all of his friends looking at me, just like what I had expected. 

"Matt." I said, before pulling him into a bro hug and patted his back. We both pulled out and I stared at the car. "Whose car is this?" I glanced in between three of them.

"That's my baby." Chris replied, gestured at the car proudly. "And look who arrived. Our new participants." He said while looking over my shoulder.

I turned my head and saw Pete got out of his Chrysler 300 SRT8, with his expensive shade covered his eyes. I then saw Frank coming over to him, before pecked his lips.


	12. Supermassive Annual Race. Such A Disaster, Isn't it?

I can clearly hear the beating of my own heart throbbing annoyingly in both sides of my ears. The rate of my pulse quickened to a slightly higher pace and the world around me seemed to be all blurry for a brief second. It felt as if I had been smashed by a massive hurricane, lifting and spinning me up in the sky as if tomorrow doesn't exist. 

For a split second, I suddenly felt nauseous and all dizzy. I almost stumble myself forward, but if Dom wasn't there, I surely have drop off by now. He held me still with his hands before he pushed me back to my normal standing position.

"Thanks."

"Are you feelin' okay, Gerard?" Dom asked curiously, raising his eyebrows in question while chewing his bottom lip.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I-I'm fine." I stammered, feeling a shade of scarlet creeping onto both of my cheeks. My legs almost gave up, which caused me to get closer to Chris' car and leaned my body against it carefully. 

My body was trembling so hard in terror, and I bet my quivering form was visible. Three of the men who stood before me stared at me mystifyingly, all of them were placing a puzzled expression on their faces —probably feeling bewildered at the sudden changes on how I act.

I lowered my gaze and blankly stared at the tarred road below, clenching my hands as I travelled deep in my own thoughts. I felt dead inside, empty —but scared. 

I felt my blood boiled in my veins, running through my vessels in a rush. The beats in my ears were long gone, but my heart is still beating rapidly inside of my narrowed chest.   
I ran a hand through my greasy hair, and let out an unwanted sigh.

I raised my head up and dragged my gaze across the spot, searching for someone. And there, I sighted him by his car, talking to the man that he loves.

Mikey.

"I-I want to talk to someone. See you… guys later." I spoke swiftly, yet almost mumbling. Matt nodded, followed by a few farewells from the men before I finally walked towards Mikey, very slowly. He spotted me and smirked deviously, turning his body fully into my direction —Ray simply copied him.

When I finally reached him after what felt like an hour later, I heard an almost inaudible greet from him and a cheery 'hello' from Ray, the sunshine. 

"Hey..." I retorted and looked away, gnawling violently on my lip as I felt anxious in all of a sudden. "Yo-You're both ready for the race?" 

"Of course." Finally, I heard Mikey's clear voice, excitement gripping over his words.

"I felt so fucking nervous that I want to explode." Ray responded, hopping up from the ground for a few times before landed back on his feet.

I know exactly how he felt.

I patted his back and nodded, forcefully created a smile by my lips.

"You don't look so happy, nor even excited." Ray remarked and raised a perfect eyebrow, folding his arms.

"I'm not in the mood to do anything today, is all." I flashed at small smile at him once again and screwed my eyes shut when another new wave of anxiousness slammed over me. 

I felt extremely uneasy to continue doing and attending this annual race. It doesn't feel the same as the other times, I didn't felt enthusiastic at all. Something major changed in me, whether it was because of Frank or even because of the tense that I've been gaining in the past few disastrous days.

I lodged in my position for quite a long time, listening to their common conversation and eavesdropping on someone's else talk. None of the conversations were interesting, but also —none of the events around me were at all interesting.

Neither can I make an interesting conversation.

"Hey, Gee. Looks like the lists had come out." Ray pointed at the vilominous amount of people that corraled at the spot where Matt was.

"Hey, calm your ass down! I'm gonna announce it," I heard Matt spoke through the speakers, loud enough for all of us to hear him, "The rules are the same. We —I, Dom and Chris— set up a few tracks. There's…," I can imagine him counting all, and maybe asked his buddies, "seven different tracks, but all end at the same finish line." He was silent for a few moment, before continuing, "Here is the list of names in my hand… It was managed randomly by Dom. It was all random, not even he chooses any for you,"

"He's telling the truth." A man's voice intefered swiftly, assuming him instantly as Dom.

"Yeah, I'm not lying," Matthew repeated him, "So, track one…" 

I was not paying any attention to Matt's voice, and that was until I heard my name through the speakers. "Gerard, Ryan, Patrick, James, Dallon and myself on the third track…"   
"Thank god that I'm not on the same track as Frank."

And that person I was talking about suddenly came in view, obviously walking towards us. His thin lips formed a small smile, flashing into my direction. But there's something buried deep underneath his expression —guilt and remorse. 

I know how he felt about everything. I know I was guilty in the game either, but he was the one who evidently ambushed me. He should taste the feeling that he deserves, the pain that embraced him, clinging onto his own for only god knows how long it could. 

It was like he was walking in slow motion towards us, moving his feet forward very slowly. And that caused me to stare at him for a pretty long seconds, just admiring how good he looks today.

God, I can't never stop thinking about how attractive he is.

"Hello." I heard him eventually spoke when he was near to us, sending me a small wave which I hesitantly returned back.

"Frank..." My voice was croaky and low, barely even audible.

"I need to talk to you." He informed me, now setting up a serious face.

"Okay." I looked at Mikey and Ray before they both gave me a slight nod, signalling that I'm allowed to go.

I walked after Frank when he beckoned me to follow, taking my steps slowly towards the jet black, shiny and overly familiar McLaren 12c that was parked at the very end line —a few cars away from my also jet black Porsche.

It was extremely awkward, with the tense clinging onto us —it's easy to say that there's no word to describe the current situation. Almost everything around us seemed to be in slow motion, and the other sounds —except for my heartbeat that's played in my ears— were almost can't be heard. As if I am in a very different dimension, a bizarre place where everything around me were all strained out.

"Get inside." I heard Frank's voice interject my space, and he gestured at the car we were very near to. I, without hesitating, entered his car —without any questions, also. He climbed in a few seconds after, and locked the door after we both were finally in.

It was silence for a few moments, and I spent the time staring blankly at my lap. There's a dozen of thoughts entered my brain within those few minutes, and it stressed me out until at some point, I wanted to explode.

My breath started to get thick, and my body was quivering so hard. And unexpectedly, Frank saved me from my cannibal thoughts. I felt him shook my body with his fragile hands, his face was slightly dazed.

"Hey, are you alright?" He questioned me after a few seconds, when I finally managed to control my movements and stayed still in my seat. "You were shaking so badly." His voice was gloomy, soaked in an unidentified emotion that I can't even guess.

"I-I'm feeling just fine..." I turned my head the other side, "Only if thoughts were not eating me up."

"What was in your mind, Gee?" The way my nickname fell from his lips sent a chill down my spine, creepily making my breath hitched in my throat. 

I gritted my teeth, closing my eyes very slowly and leaned back in my seat. My back was pushed closely against the leather seat, giving me a sort of comfort when I finally rested myself.

"If you don't want to tell, it's okay." He spoke, and I can hear him moving away. "I have something to tell you."

"Spit it out, I've been waiting." That was when I felt a bit heated up out from nowhere. I turned my head to look at him, narrowing my eyes and had the strength to act as usual.

"I've had recalled back what I'd done to you and I felt extremely bad," I raised my eyebrows up, "I wanted to apologize for being very wrong. I was under control, unthinkable."

"You thought that I'd forgive you?" I clenched my hands into fists furiously and bit the inside flesh of my cheek.

"I-I don't know.." Frank stammered, leaning closer to me. "But it's better if you would."

"There's no use to beg, Frankie. I felt used, and it wasn't the first time I've been a toy to someone like you." 

"I've done it to you only once, babe. Just that one, crazy time." I felt his hot breath blew gently against the sensitive skin of my temple, and I winched further from him.

"Don't call me that, Pete won't like it." I retorted harshly, folding my arms and placing them against my flat chest.

"He didn't know about us."

"Are you freaking insane, Frank? There's nothing exist about us!" I exploded, and I felt fire escaping from my ears.

"I-"

"We had never been together! You suddenly came into my life, flirting with me ever since the first time we met, and that was just a few days ago! You ruined me, you thought that it'd be fun to have sex with me just for your own pleasure." I cut him and almost screamed, looking at him with both big eyes and when I finished, I bit down my lip very hard until it bleed.

"I thought you-"

"Oh, fuck yes I enjoyed it either. But it wasn't right at all, and if you never had encouraged me, this wouldn't happen. And also, you fucking cheated on your boyfriend!" I spat and rolled my eyes.

"This is hilarious. Even if I am fucking cheating my boyfriend, it's none of your business." He humorlessly laughed and looked at me with an unreadable expression. When I opened my mouth to speak, no word falls out.

I am dumbfounded.

"But it's okay if you cared." His voice softened and his facial expression changed within a few seconds. "I dont mind, because I like you way too much to really accuse you in such a very mean way." He leaned in when I almost spit back, but he then captured my lips with his.

I didn't kiss back, though. 

I couldn't.

He jolted backwards and frowned at my reaction. "That was so wrong." My voice was croaky and low. "You shouldn't do that, and you shouldn't like a monster —that is me." 

I turned away from him and pushed his door open, before climbing out and closed it shut. I felt tears gathered around my eyes, threatening to drop off very meanly. I heard him called me, but I ignored and made my way towards Mikey and Ray.

They both looked at me with perched up eyebrows, figuring what just happened to me. "Hey." I said soggily, wiping my stubborn tears away.

"The event will starts in a half and hour so we need to get ready to our spots" I heard Matt announced over the microphone, and peoples started to get in their cars.

"Good luck, Gee." Mikey suddenly said and sent me a small smile, before he turned to Ray and did the same.

"Good luck, guys." I walked to my car and saw Bob standing by it, or specifically, by his silver Aston Martin D29 that was parked beside my car.

"Dude, where were you?" I faked my tone so badly, but still managed to create a normal voice. Placed a small smile on my face, and my mission completed.

"I was hanging out with some freaks, but they're fine actually." He threw his cigarette to the ground and thumped the light out with his shoe. "And you?"

"I was with Mikey and Ray." I easily responded and unlocked my car, placing my hand gently onto the handle.

"I saw you with Frank, though. What were you guys doing?" He asked when he opened his door open, ready to climb in.

"Just talked about stuffs, nothing important to be honest." I sniffed when I felt my eyes started to get all watery, but I hided my face away by climbing in my car. 

I looked at Bob through the glassy window as he came closer and knocked his fist on it meekly. I lifted it down and he peeked his head in, nearing my ear. "I saw you two kissed." He whispered before he leaned back and waved me goodbye, entering his car as he did so.

I felt my heart stopped beating, fearing if he would tell someone else about the incident, although I knew that I hadn't kissed him back.

I bit down my lip and let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers and felt the coarse surface of my fingers against my oily nose. Hesitantly, I drove my car to my track, at that was when the field we were assembling in was deserted as everyone had left to catch for their own. My mind was mostly loaded up when I was driving, and that case almost make me crash into a nearby lamp post. There were a few cars —the other opponents— driving ahead of me, and they were expensive and luxurious cars.

When I disembarked at my spot, I braked at the very back line. There was a rosy red Ginetta F400 parked next to mine —still fresh and spotless from any dirt. I turned my gaze up to look at the driver, and what I sighted was Ryan Ross sitting comfortably in his seat, staring back at me with his mesmeric brown eyes.

Ryan is the person that I can consider as a friend, though we never really hung out before. He is nice and caring —sweet, even. 

I waved at him briefly, and he simply returned before he turned his head to look ahead of the road. I took a glimpse at the clock and realized that we're going to start anytime by now. As if on cue, I heard an ear-popping noise from outside before all of the cars before me sped up rapidly. 

A blue sapphire Super Charged Shelby Mustang GT wheelied and in just a blink of an eye, the car lost its control and smashed itself against a lamp post.

I knew whose car was that. That was James Dewees'.

It was horrifying to see it crashed and crumbled just before my eyes —although the scene had happened a few times before during the same occasion. I wanted to help him, but when I saw a few crews making their way towards him, I decided to ignore and kept my gaze glued still to the road and focused on the other opponents the I'm fighting with. 

It was all fast and blurry around me,  
a few cars were at my back after I had drove through them a while ago.

It was almost impossible to get through them at first because they were all very fast, but when my car came to a state where it had gone faster than what I had expected, I knew that nothing can stop me.

Except maybe for the police.

I kept thinking about how Frank is doing, though my focal point is still placed onto the tarred road. My mind really did went out a few times, but I still managed to fly past a few more cars. I carefully looked around and realized that the only car in front of me was Ryan's, driving so smoothly. 

There was a golden Jaguar F Type slid next to my car, threatening to pass by. I forcefully sped my car up so that the car won't be ahead of me, but my hardwork was such a waste when the car successfully overtook my car. 

That car was Patrick's. He's a fast and experienced driver, I admitted.

His car was pretty, just like the owner.

Shush.

My homosexuality was extremely obvious.

There was a sharp bend in front of us, and when I was near, I lifted the handbrake and whirled the steering wheel before I found myself drifting across the road. It took a few hard calculation before I drifted so that I won't hit another car.

I put the handbrake back down after a few seconds of drifting and sped up once again, now setting up with my nitro. The loud sound from the back of my car was almost unbearable, but I managed to cope my ears with the piercing noise. I took a glimpse of the cars around me and I realized that I am at the very front. 

I slowly formed a grin on my face and happily laughed.

This is going to be great.

The road was very smooth, and it made me go even faster. Almost all of the opponents were out of sight, except for Matt's emerald Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat that was droven only a few meters away at my back. He was fast and astounding, and the loud roar from the car was fascinating.

I mean, I like how the car sounds like.

It's a motherfucking Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat.

Though I think Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat is better.

On the other lane that was not too far away from me, there's a few cars that took the other track raced across it. From my spot, I can easily spot Pete's Chrysler 300 SRT8 lashed in full speed across the road, and Frank's black McLaren 12c chased after him. There's a few more cars, but I wasn't focusing on them as much as the shiny two cars.

I vigorously turned the car and entered the lane, dodging from Pete and Frank's car conscientiously. They were so swift that I almost failed to be in front of them. I stared at them for a brief second from the rearview mirror and gasped when I saw Pete sped up abruptly, almost thumping against the back of my car.

He bolted forward and I saw him trailed over my car effortlessly. It was a huge surprise because it was unexpected, and then when I setted back a firm gaze to road, there's another sharp turn before us. Pete was driving just beside me, only a few meters ahead. He startlingly slowed and he was held up in the same speed as I'm in.

I grinned and very attentively grabbed the handbrake up, gyrated the steering wheel around and almost successfully drifted, until the moment I felt a hard knock at the passenger side of my car before the world started to turn around.


	13. Thanks Pete

FRANK'S POV (FOR THE FIRST TIME)

I fixated my eyes closely to the black Porsche 911 GT3 that sped into the same street, a few meters away from Pete's car. The car was accelerating rapidly, and soon was further at the front.

I didn't drove my car in full speed on purpose, and it's because I don't want to fuck up everything before the race ends. I was not expecting it even a little bit, and was slightly amazed when I realized Pete sped up abruptly and chased after what seemed to be Gerard's car. I lamely sighed and suited after, but not so fast.

It was all blurry around me, and if my attention ever to get grasp by any other thing even only for a split second, I might be failed to steer my car rather carefully.

The out of tune music that came out of the speakers in my car was ear splitting, and might I add, annoying. The shitty radio station is just a pile of crap, and I prefer selling my soul to Satan than listening to the songs.

Without hesitating, I switched off the radio and was set in a very quiet and peaceful trip. The only sound that I can hear was the sound from my car and probably from some other sport cars around me.

The roaring car engines were the most beautiful sounds that I'm willing to spend time listening to every second of my already damned life. It's as if I'm in heaven, only that I'm not yet dead.

I never believed that I'm ever going to heaven, because hell is what I deserve. I need to be punished for all of the wrong that I've done, I deserve to feel the bubbling pain, the agonizing treatment to realize what I've done.

I also deserve to taste the agony for hurting Gerard. I felt bad, and I already knew that I was being so stubborn and wrong about everything. Though I always realize what I've done, I can't help myself from doing. I love Pete, but I might be loving Gerard either.

Love is something that I rather not to divide it for two peoples, but in this case, I can't do anything. I felt hopeless, and useless all the same.

I don't know if Pete still does loves me like he always do before, but I do love him more than what I am willing to give. He's the light that always shines up my dark nights, but also the rain storm that floods up my entire being. He's a mix of feelings, but he still is something -for sure.

The sun was shining literally bright, and the ray of lights that it sent hurt my eyes. Even my darkly tinted windows can't strain them from getting to me.

I still remember the moment I kissed Gerard, though. The very fresh memory from almost an hour ago still plays on repeat in my head, showing the scene over and over again -non stop. I was shocked that he didn't kissed me back, though I know that he didn't kissed me back because I'm just another freak that got into his life. He's being so honest about everything, and I was being stupid all the time.

I know that I should let him go already before Pete knows what happened between us. I tried to let him drop off from my arms, but I realized that he also couldn't let go of me. I realized it a while ago, and I know that both of us can't go off each other's grip.

And now what about Pete?

I felt bad for broke his trust on me, he believed that I'm the right person, but I don't know if he's the right person for me. There's a conflict occurred in between Gee and Pete, and I don't know which one is better, actually.

Both of them were cool and talented, and I'm attached with thumbnails against a notice board in the middle. I can't go anywhere, because there's a strong gravity held me at my place. But I don't know whose attraction was that, whether it was Peter's or Gerard's.

It can be both, but I need to choose only one of them. Both captured a part of my heart, holding the piece tight in their arms and never wanted to let go. My head spins very badly each time I thought about it. I don't know who to choose, what to do, and what is the best solution to strain all of this conflicts in my life. I struggled to think straight because of my current situation, this painful mind-hacking state.

As my mind was playing about, my car slowed down but still is moving fast. Pete and Gerard was far in the front, nearing a sharp turn very closely and carefully. I stared as both of the, drifted.

I remembered my first race with Gerard.

It was awesome, that night was -by far- the best night of my life. I remembered seeing him drifted, moving rather swiftly on the tarred lane with such skillful method.

I let out a sigh, but then the sigh turned up into a gasp- a loud, doubtful gasp. I saw Gerard's car spun when Pete accidentally slammed the back side of his car rather forcefully. Pete immediately whirled his car to the side and spiraled a few times before he halted in the middle of the road.

And Gerard, his car was upside down.

The black Porsche 911 GT3 was badly pulverized, and I doubted that he'd survive. I was driving faster, feeling my breath hitched in my throat at the sight in front of me. I stopped and gestured Pete to follow -who was most likely trying to believe what just happened.

Pete's face was bruised by the impact, but nothing bad can be seen from him. When I disembarked beside Gerard's car, he was unconscious inside. Blood was everywhere, still dripping off his face. He was still upside down because he was stuck by the seatbelt, and he looked so bad.

Without hesitating, I opened the door and unlocked the seatbelt, with the help of Pete, of course. We both slid Gerard out as Mikey came by.

I swear I heard quiet sobs from him, and maybe a few mumbles.

When we laid Gerard on the ground, Mikey ran over to him and hugged his lifeless body tight in his arms, not wanting to let go.

I can apparently feel a few tears streaming down my cheeks, but I managed to cover it up from Pete's sight. If he saw me crying for Gerard, he'll question me a dozen reason to why I cried for him.

I felt bad for cheating, to be honest. 

And I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard cars zooming past us, clearly in a hurry to arrive at the finish line. It seems that no one really cared about an injured driver, and I guess that's just how they're. Our cars —except for Mikey's — were directly parked in the middle of the road, but gladly no one crashes into them or they'll absolutely be dead by now.

I glanced hopeless at Pete, and saw him obviously with no expression at all. He looked empty, as if seeing someone literally dying isn't sad at all.

It was dark and gloomy, and that was before;

"He's still alive!" Mikey screamed in between sobs, looking at both of us with the bloodshot and dark eyes of his.

Thanks Pete.

\-----

Days and eventually weeks passed by —more precisely, 2 weeks—, and I've never seen Gerard ever since the accident he was involved in. He was in a hospital, but I don't have a clue whether he has been released out or not. I know that he's still alive though, because if he's dead, I must've known that for sure. 

Even though I knew he's alive, I haven't contacted him at all, and that was because of Pete.

Pete knows.

He said that he saw Gerard and I earlier that day, and it's a fucking nightmare to know about that.

And sure, I was denying every single description that he stated towards the sight, but still, I never assured him to trust me that it never happened. He's still standing on his own words. Victory to him, I guess.

He's always right about everything.

When I recalled back the accident that happened to poor Gerard, I would want to smash my head hard against the walls because I'm so stubborn to meet him again. I need to see him, even just once.

Pete didn't let me.

But I still love him, though. I found that I couldn't stray away from being beside him all day; It's a bitter sweet relationship, and I like it. 

But my relationship with Gerard was also bitter sweet, wasn't it?

Confusion washed over me as I was deeply hovering in my own thoughts, tangling myself in my lonely duvet and burying my face into my soft pillow. I still remembered that time when he informed me that we never were together. But I did felt as if we were in a relationship that stood for only a few days before it sank down and hit against the grubby ground. I felt his love towards me, but it was hidden underneath a ton of masks that it's almost impossible to detect. But still, I managed to find it very easily.

I managed to know how he felt towards me, I managed to realize how awkward he reacts whenever I'm around. He hid the feeling somewhere closed, and I knew that he can't even see it himself. But it's totally obvious to my eyes. I don't even need to figure it out before knowing, because it clicked in my head straight away.

I feel the sunlight rose up and slipped in between my light cream tinted curtains, steaming against my face and hitting against my jaded eyelids before I squinted a plenty of times to fix my view of the room. I stretched my arms out in the early exhaustion of a Saturday morning, gathering myself up and sitting upward rather lamely. 

My whole body ached so badly, as if I had been slammed with a fucking car and was thrown thirty feet away from the crash spot by the strong impact. I hardly can breathe, actually. I felt my lungs all clogged up by something I don't quite know. 

Maybe my own thoughts were eating my insides while I'm still alive, consuming every inch of soul that I had and feeling eager to have me dead. 

But they'll never going to take me alive.

I let my legs fell off the bed and I stood up slowly, ignoring the back pain that I felt as I was walking towards the door. The sound of metal clashings against eachother was heard by my ears, grasping my eardrums rather loudly before footsteps was echoing against the wooden floor. 

Pete, I hoped so.

I glanced around and caught a glimpse of the clock, seeing that it was still very early in the morning —surely at this, time Pete's still asleep. I felt my heartbeat dived up abruptly and I almost had an heart attack when the door opened in all of a sudden.

And thank god that was Pete.

And thanks Pete for making me panic.

"You should look at your face!" He snorted as he laughed his ass out, clenching the doorframe with his hand and clapped his shoes against the floor, only to send dirt onto the once was a clean surface. I sighed and squeezed my way through him rather rudely, making my way into the brightly lit kitchen. He followed me from behind, still laughing.

"Can you please stop?" I demanded, annoyed with his attitude. 

"No." He basically informed me and continued to laugh, disappearing into the living room. I went over to the counters, wanting to make a cup of coffee for myself as I felt that I wasn't sleeping so well last night. 

I can't let my mind flow into a good night sleep, I had difficulties to fall asleep, even. It was hard, at that case occurred to me since the past two weeks. 

Insomnia, I guess.

I want to meet Gerard so badly, but could I?   
I don't want to disappoint Pete, I don't want him to snatch back the trust that he'd given to me before. I wanted him to always believe in what I say, I want him to hbe proud of my pure honesty.

Though I don't even know whether when I ask him questions, he'll answer it sincerely.

I still don't know why he's still with me. It's obvious that I've cheated on him, he saw me cheating before his eyes. He saw me kissing another guy, he must be overly disappointed in me at that time. I can imagine how he reacted towards it —trying to be calm in front of some friends, but he felt dark and hollow inside. Boiled in anger and disbelief, I can imagine him like that.

It's sad to think about it, but no one leave me any choice. I don't know what step should I take for my own good.

Maybe I'm better off dead, after all.

I lifted up the now ready cup of coffee, gargling up half of the amount I poured. It tasted bitter, but I still can sense a bit of sweetness in the black liquid. I genuinely smiled and paddled to the next room, before landing onto the couch, on the spot beside Pete. He cocked up an eyebrow at the coffee, and I nonchalantly handed him the mug.

After he took a full sip, he placed it onto the coffee table and propped his legs mindlessly up the table. He pressed his back deeper into the leather cushion and yawned, sprawling his arms out as he suddenly leaning to the side before he laid his head on my lap. 

He sniffed and brought his legs onto the couch. "You smelled like shit." He suddenly remarked and I scowled, playing with his hair.

"You know what, the guy you said smelled like crap is your boyfriend." He chuckled and playfully pinched my nose, before he screwed his eyes shut and yawned one more time. 

"I need a nap. Wake me up at noon." He sleepily muttered, a sigh escaped from in between his lips. 

I thought for a second, thought about something rather important that is a need to me. 

I need to see him. 

I eagerly want to meet him, the feeling that boiled in me was extremely tempting. 

He's worse than nicotine.

I felt dead when he's not around. I felt as if there's no soul in my lifeless body, and I was left as a living dead.

But there's only one thing that I'm thirst for right now. Not blood, not brain and not even sex.

But Gerard is it.

I want to meet him so badly that I'm willing to sell my soul to Satan. Or even letting some disastrous monster to eat and rip my flesh off and leave me boneless, only if I'm still alive, though. But I think if I'm eaten by a fucking monster, my last destination will be hell.

I'm definitely going to be landed in hell.

So, back to the feelings I have for Gerard.

I need to ask Pete whether I can go and meet him or not, but I'm thinking of asking him in a way that I'm sure he'll allow me. As long as I'll ask about going out, I won't be feeling anywhere near being guilty.

"Uh, babe..." I started, still stroking his soft hair in between my harsh fingers. He hummed in response, still obviously hadn't fallen asleep just yet. "I've not been outside for ages.." I trailed off when I found that I really don't have anymore words in head. 

And oh, yeah. I wasn't allowed to get out at all except if Pete's with me. He's paranoid as hell, and it's difficult for me to be free again. I want to fly like an adventurous bird, freely bolt my way high up the sky and explore more happenings around me.

But that's literally impossible.

A soft sighed escaped from my lips when.I heard no response from him, and I felt disappointed as hell. But then he fluttered his eyes open, and he weakly smiled at me.

"You can go out..." He mumbled rather rapidly, but that wasn't the answer I was looking for, "Alone." 

Aw yiss!

"But only if..."

Fuck.

"Only if you'd tell me where you're going." 

Damn.

I was silent for a few moments, trying to come up with a perfect answer to his demand. I bit down my lip as I stared deeply at him, breathing rather heavily.

"I want to buy some groceries, and the only brewed coffee left is a quarter of the jar." I reasoned, hoping so hard that he'll take it well. He was rolling his eyes, but not showing any pissed off attitude.

"Well, if that's it, you can go." He continued to go back to his smile, now showing off his teeth. "But make sure you're home before three. Now let me get back to my nap." 

I managed to slid from under him and let his head fell onto the cushion, but then he dragged himself upward and rested by the corner of the couch. 

"Thanks Pete." I muttered and cheekily smiled, before going to do my routines.

When I was fully in clean clothes and smelled way more better, it was around ten in the morning. Pete was still asleep and looked heavenly calm, perhaps dreaming of Mikey and unicorns.

The name 'Mikey' suddenly pops in my head.

Strange.

But LOL, anyways.

I grabbed the keys and skipped out the door, shutting it agonizingly slow so that I won't wake him up with the sound of the shutting door, and also the heavy footsteps that I might take.

I don't want these noises to startle him in his sleep.

It seemed to be a long journey to Gerard's place, though it took about thirty minutes to get there. The traffic was busy, but I managed to slide through them indeed easily. 

And now, I'm stuck by the security at the front gate of his house.

Fuck the security.

It was a middle aged man man, dressed it what seemed to be a pair of blue checkered pajamas. Old and grumpy looking.

"Please let me in, dude. Mikey knows me." I begged for what seemed to be the thousandth time for today, still not giving up to get in.

"Can I believe you?" He asked in a rude manner, and I swear if he's not an old dude, I would dig his head into the toilet.

"Ask Mikey himself, then." 

"I don't trust kids that look like a rebel." I heard him whispered under his own breathe before he pushed a button and greeted. There's a barely audible reply from the speaker, before he asked up some more questions.

I wasn't paying attention when the front gate slid open, and I was brought back to life when the man almost shouted at me.

"Hey, kiddo! Don't you know the meaning for open gates?" 

"No, grandpa." Well, that's what flung out of my mouth unexpectedly.

"The Way household let you in so hurry up or I'll shut the gate!" 

Glad he didn't explode.

I changed the gear and drove in, before looking around and missed how the estate looks like. 

When I pulled near the entrance and ready to get out, my whole body felt heavy as if I've added a hundred more pound to my weigh and the gravity of earth was digging me down. I reluctantly climbed out and marched my way to the door before pressed on a bell.

It took almost a minute before Mikey opened the door and stood casually by the doorstep. He almost smiled at me, but then his face became clearly empty. 

"Hey, Frank. Come on in." He beckoned and I stepped inside, offering a small smile. I wanted to say something, but then he stopped me by putting his index finger against my lips. "You don't need to tell, I know that you're here for Gerard." He dropped it down.

"Yes." I nodded before he dragged me into an unfamiliar hallway and opened a door. It was a medium sized room, the walls are painted with a light brown and the floor is wooden.

And there, situated a bed that was surrounded by medical machines. 

Gerard was on that bed, sticking up with all of the machines. Needles stuck by his hands and needless to say, he's looking very pale.

His heartbeat was stable, but he was also breathing. But something wasn't quite right. 

He wasn't moving.

His eyes were shut, and he was still on the bed, not shifting even a little bit.

"Coma."

Sometimes He scrapes and sinks so low, I'm shocked at what he's capable of.


	14. Dead Memories/Dead Inside

It was heart breaking to see him in his current state, he looked so lifeless, though I believe that he's very much alive. He's a very strong person, and I'm proud that he managed to get through all of this alive, I love him, though I knew that I shouldn't. 

I sucked in a long yet shaky breath, screwing my eyes shut and let out a tear, that soon flowed down my face effortlessly. There wasn't much that I can think of in this very moment, and my main focal point was stolen by this skinny man before me. He's getting lankier, all of his bones were showing out of his delicate skins and it scared me to look at his condition. 

I heaved closer cautiously and stopped just by his bed before I lifted my head up and gazed towards Mikey, who haven't move from the doorstep just yet. "He's stable, the doctor exclaimed." That wasn't what I wanted from Mikey, I wasn't expecting him to say anything, actually. "We don't know when he'll wake up, we just need to wait and see." He continued and rose up the corner of his lips. He looked impossibly calm with the situation, as if he had been through this a thousand of times and had coped with it.

"I'm glad that he's still alive, I didn't know what to do to myself if he... isn't." I was conscious that I was breaking myself into small pieces, I was forcing myself to think something that hurts me so badly, but I couldn't seem to stop the negative thoughts from sneaking into my head. I bit down my lip and stretched a tired arm forward before I stroked Gerard's greasy hair, feeling the coarse yet silky texture against my prickly fingers. 

His skin was ghastly white, his cheeks were hallow -the cheekbones were perfectly formed- and the spot under his eyes were charcoaled. There's some scabs and stitches on his face, a red gash on the right side of his forehead and a scar under his chin, just right below his chapped lips. He looked different than the Gerard that I knew, he's a lot more skinnier and paler than usual. But still, he's beautiful.

"He's pretty, isn't he?" Mikey was next to me, pinning his gaze towards Gerard before he placed his eyes on me, searching for any answers.

"He's a pretty man with a beautiful personality and an adorable smile, and I couldn't ask for more." I smiled slightly and leaned in before I kissed his temple, closing my eyes shut. "The world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me." I muttered against his skin before I pulled away. A few tears dropped from my eyes and landed on his clothes, and I sniffed when I couldn't hold it anymore.

I then started to sob, hiding my ugly face behind my wet palms and marched out the door. I managed to walk into the living room and sat down into the leather couch, letting out every of my unwanted tears. 

Mikey appeared soon enough, sitting down just beside me and stretched an arm over my shoulder for comfort, he shooed me but that wasn't what it takes to stop me from crying. I tried to calm down by claiming that he's okay and nothing bad is going to ever happen to him, but I still couldn't halt the feeling that ruined my entire being so badly. 

I felt as if every inch of happiness that I owned destroyed into millions of small ashes and created a massive massacre by the sadness that attacked in an instant. It's torturing me slowly, and I'm suffering under a ton layers of unreadable feelings that I never thought could get the best of me. And lucky them to have me in between the holes of confusion and suffocation.

Confusion and suffocation, yes.

They crept onto my body and now I'm having a few difficulties on handling them in a good manner. I'm feeling them all at once, and that made things even worse than what it should be. Usually, I have the power to control how I feel about things around me- whether I want to be sad, happy, guilty or anxious. I can control them finely, before- but now I found it hard to conduct even a little emotion anymore. I'm lost in something that I couldn't quite understand, and I can feel myself changing into someone that is ruined and broken. 

I found myself burying my face into Mikey's shoulder, staining his pullover with a few dark spots that were all wet and salty. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, my nose was red and my lips curved into a small frown. Mikey hadn't moved since he came by next to me, just holding me right in his grasp and lending me his shoulder to cry.

"He'll wake up soon, I promise." Mikey's voice was low, yet I can hear him very clearly. I sniffed and pulled away from him, and now closing my eyes as I let more tears to fall out. "It seems like I didn't make any difference, right?"

"Yeah." I replied shakily before I pulled in a long breath, almost choking on the air. "I'm having a major dilemma right now." I was trying to be overly open to him, needing someone that will maybe help me through this silent suffocation.

"What's it?" He asked curiously, and when I opened my eyes to look, his face was filled with pure curiosity- his eyebrows were perched up and he bobbed his once in question.

"I'm loving two person in the same time." The simple sentence escaped my mouth and I saw him expectantly gaped at my words, but then he narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth to voice out.

"Same here," and that answer was clearly unexpected, "You're not in this alone." He nodded a few times before he pulled me into an awkward hug that stood up for less than a few seconds. "I'm loving two man in my life, and that isn't how it should be. It's confusing and isn't the greatest decision to make, but our heart can't lie. It's whether the first person doesn't match you, or even the second dude. It can be both, actually."

"What do you mean?" I was keen to know everything, though the broken sobs in between my words made my sentence sounded horribly ugly.

Mikey sighed, "There's just a person for you, and you can't choose more." 

I really want to choose only a person, but I found that I couldn't at all distant myself from any of them. It seems like I have two person that resemble me, and I couldn't get away from both. And like I stated before, I'm like a thumbnail pinning to a board in between the two guys that I love, I'm attached to the middle, stuck here forever.

"But what if-"

"No, Frank. One is the amount, not more, not less." I sighed at his sentences before I curled myself and turned over on the couch, and was a bit surprised when I found out that I can fit quite well in this sofa. I had stopped from crying and now sulking upon my own fucked up life. Mikey had left me right after his words, and I think he disappeared into Gerard's temporary room to check out on him.

I heard that the front door opened and then footsteps echoed into the room, which instantly caused me to sat up in a harsh manner with both eyes wide open as I anxiously dragged my gaze up to see. And I sighed in relief when I saw that it was Ray, biting down his lip as he searched for someone.

"Where's Mikey?" He asked and walked over to me, putting up a puzzled expression in his face.

"I-I don't exactly know where he is, but I'm kinda guessing that he's with Gerard." And then I spoiled my mood again by thinking of him, I felt myself broke down and started to cry again.

"Hey, hey, Frank," He patted on my shoulder, "He'll be fine, no need to worry. The doctor said that he just needs some to wake up." 

"It's easy to say, but it sure isn't easy to wait."   
I sobbed and rubbed his eyes with my palms. "Now, just go away. I'm ugly to be seen when I'm cry." I managed before he sent me a sympathy glance and walked away, leaving my small body on the couch alone with tears as my companion.

After what seems like a few hours, Mikey and Ray came back into the living room, sucking each other's face like there's no tomorrow. They seem to not aware that I'm in the room with them as they lay onto the other couch in the room, with Mikey on top and Ray at the bottom.

Well, I was surprised to see that Mikey was topping and Ray was bottoming. I always thought the opposite of what I saw before me.

Well, everything is unexpected, isn't it?

Like, I topped when I was having sex with Gerard before, and that's unexpected. I never thought that he's a bottom, but oh well, I just let that happen because I didn't want to ruin anything. 

I horrifically squealed in surprise when I felt a soft fabric landed on my lap, and when I lifted my head up to see where it came from, all I saw was Ray shirtless, gasping in for air before he pulled Mikey and shoved his tongue into his mouth.

How can they not noticing me sitting here and watching them?

And of course I need to do something before I see them fucking each other on the couch.

I pulled out a disgusted expression up on my face before I tossed the shirt into their direction, letting both of them immediately gazed towards me with wide eyes. "What the fuck?" Mikey said as he stood up and gave the shirt to the person beside him. "Oh shit," he turned to look at Ray, "We forgot that Frank's here."

"Damn." Ray squeaked and put in his shirt, while I was dumbfounded, gaping as I tried to search for any words to let out.

"No, it's fine. I-I really need to go now, do forgive me for bothering." I stood up rather harshly and made a beeline towards the door, out the door immediately before Mikey or Ray get to respond. 

That was so close.

And oh how I'm feeling pity for Ray. I can sense that he doesn't know that Mikey loves someone else either, and sure that's just similar to my situation with Pete and Gerard. But everything that happened all around must have some reasons to why it occured, and there must be a few explanation that can be made upon me and Mikey's dilemma. It's complicated, but I know that it'll stop soon when I'm ready to move on to another level.

I walked over to my car and climbed in before I started the engine, feeling chilled by the roaring sounds of my gorgeous car and calmed a bit from my previous feeling. I sped away and out the gate, giving the old security guard a last glance before I mocked the words he said earlier in a fairly loud voice. He's being rude, and I might as well doing too. 

The road was not clearly occupied, and that gave me the chance to set up a single race for myself. I started to hit on the pedal a bit harder and felt the car jolted forward instantly, moving too fast for my own liking. But who cares anyway, I let the car moved fast to release my tension, and replace to my current mood with a better one.

I want to feel happy just for a split second, and I want to forget everything for a few moments.

When I arrived in town, I decided to shop for groceries so that I wouldn't technically lied to Pete. I lowered the speed of my car and drove my way to the supermarket before I parked my car in the parking lot. Trying to act cool, I climbed out of the car in slow motion as I looked around and saw all eyes were digging into me when I pushed the door closed. 

Well, I know my car is cool but please don't do that. It's not cool to look at me like you're hungry for a piece of jalapeño flavored cookie.

I silently scowled and casually tugged my hands into my pocket before I walked to the entrance. Let's start with buying a dozen of Oreo before moving on with the other things.

\-----

"I'm home." It was silence when I got back, and it caused me to worry a bit. It was late afternoon when I arrived, and not hearing any snores assured me that Pete had woken up. I padded deeper into the apartment and set down the groceries onto the counter tops, sighing when I finally let go of the weight. It was so quiet, until the moment I heard the door sealed slowly.

"Frank?" He called, and I hummed loudly in response as I saw him appeared by the doorframe to the kitchen. 

"Where were you? I thought that you'd been sleeping." I probed in a light tone, folding my arms as I narrowed my eyes.

"I woke up a bit early to pick my car from the workshop." He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck and walked over towards me. I gestured indolently at the bags on the counter before we both placed all of the groceries out, putting some in the cabinets and a few in the fridge. It was silence again, and this isn't a usual thing to happen in between us. Pete was so noisy, but now he's just too quiet.

"Oh, I thought that you had-" 

"I should have taken it a few days ago, but I was just too lazy."

"So, you came and left by-"

"Yeah, I called for a cab." And then the conversation ended just like that, with me still emotionally unstable. He moved away and left the room, but I didn't hear the door so I assumed that he's still inside, maybe propped himself into the couch or whatever he may do in my house. I can sense that there's something bothering him, a thing that he felt uneasy thinking about, and searching for the resolution is what he's doing with his head now. I'm feeling worried, but the anxiety level couldn't reach up higher then my worry towards Gerard. He's someone that I couldn't ever forget about, even though I know that he hates me.

I climbed up the counters and swung my legs back to forth in an even rhythm, breathing in a lot more heavier while trying to fix up my condition. 

I need a cure for this.

I screwed my eyes shut and started to think about life, how I loved to live before and how I hate to live now. I want to die, but it can make my situation harder and then I wouldn't have the opportunity to beg for forgiveness from Gerard because he haven't yet woken up. 

I sighed and hopped off the counters when I heard Pete called for me, I approached the room and saw him sitting on the couch, the television was turned on. He patted on his lap and I sat down awkwardly, feeling his arms wrapped around me waist. 

"Why were you looking so sad?" He asked a question from the curiosity that bubbled in him, kissing the back of my neck softly. I'm feeling uneasy being under his touch, it seems so bad and wrong, as if I should ever let him do this to me.

"No, I'm not." I faked a chucked and turned myself around before I pecked his lips briefly. 

"You know that I can taste the bitterness in your voice, Frankie." He retorted, now setting up a furious expression. "Now, tell me what's wrong." 

"I'm feeling genuinely happy, there's nothing wrong at all." I shot him with a dozen of small kisses along his cheeks and down him jawline, and then I stopped when I realized how far I had gone.

"I know, okay?" My face dropped as soon as those words was out of his mouth. "I know you went to Gerard's house as soon as you left." I shook my head as I was trying to find for some explanations. 

"No, I went to the grocery store."

"That's what you did after you left his house." He softly said, not even a sign of anger in his voice. "You know that I can locate you by your phone signal."

"You know you're right." I muttered, staring into his eyes and biting down my lip. "I betrayed your trust." I added and all that I feel now is guiltiness. 

"You did." He whispered and stroked the side of my face with his thumb. I quivered visibly and closed my eyes shut, taking in a large breath as I gulped a fair amount of saliva down my throat, almost choking on it. "And I forgive you, okay? Don't fell bad." 

Why?

I'm sure unworthy, I'm just a hopeless shit that shouldn't even exist, no one even gives a fuck whether I'm still alive or not. Maybe Pete does, but he never really care about it as much as he should, he asks for a bit, then he drops it off instantly as if I don't need any cheering to bring back my mood. I need someone that can always make me happy, can always tell me corny jokes but still makes me laugh my ass out, and a person that can always love me like what I want him to be. I need someone that can extinguish all of the dead memories out of me, making me feel alive and not dead inside. 

And that person couldn't be Pete. 

As much as I love him, I still can taste the pure bitterness in our relationship. Though it's physically harmony, but it's mentally a curse to me. I felt bad for thinking every of this, but I'm just feeling that I need to honesty to myself. I think I need to let myself out at some point, wanting him to know what I actually feel about every of this, without breaking his heart, of course. He never did anything wrong to me in my lifetime, he never hit me, never got mad at me, but also never really made me happy. 

Every of this is so wrong, incredibly. 

I fluttered my eyes open and kissed his cheeks before I got off of him, standing up while stretching my back and let out a sigh. He looked confused, his mouth was gaped and his eyeliner rimmed eyes were both wide open. 

"I'm gonna take a long bath, babe." I mumbled before I left the room and got into the bathroom, locking myself shut from the everyone. I lowered myself down before I finally sat onto the cold tile, letting out a broken sob. I mentally cursed myself when I realized how stupid my situation actually was, and how dumb all my decisions were. 

I'm such and idiot, and now I know that I'm not sure I even love me anymore.

I finally gathered myself up and turned on the tap, not at all in the mood to put any bubbles in there. As I was waiting for the tub to fill up, I stood still before the mirror and stared at my reflection, studying the ugliness that I can see. I started to strip my clothes off by pulling my shirt off my torso and tossed it into a bucket. Now, I'm looking down at my tattooed body, recalling back all of the moments when I get each of my tattoos.

They reminded me of myself.

Then, I undo my jeans and slid the zipper down before pushing it off my legs- treating it the same as the shirt. And now I'm staring blankly at my pale legs, which both have some tattoos, including The Misfits tattoo on my shin. 

I heard water drippings from the tub and instantly turned myself around before turning off the tap. The water is warm enough, not really cold yet not really hot. In between, must I say.

I heard a soft knock on the door just before I put a leg into the tub, and I hummed loudly in response. "I won't ever let you go, you know. Even you've done a lot of things that crossed out of my border, I still forgive you."


	15. Disastrous Piece Of Shit, All Fucked Up And Mashed In One Shape

It seemed to be so quiet for once, until the moment the front door slammed shut and a set of footstep padded its way over the front room followed by some calls of my name. I scrunched my nose as I stared at the ecstatic figure before me, leaned his body against the door frame with a bright emotion stuck by his face. 

"Frank, we're going out on a race." He announced in a high pitched voice, jumped all around like an excited child. I frowned and took the last sip of my coffee before dumping it in the sink, washing my hands briefly. 

It has been a few days after I visited Gerard, and it seems like there's no new news from him, probably. I'm not allowed to go again, but I met Mikey yesterday at the gas station and asked him to send me updates on Gerard's condition once in a few hours. But today, he haven't send me even a text, but I'm sure he'll eventually inform me something.

It was silence for a few seconds, and Pete went over to me before he dragged me out the kitchen. "Hey, why are you-"

"They're waiting, okay?" He gasped absentmindedly, picking up our keys and sliding out the exit, still with my arm in his tight grasp. We rode down the elevator and arrived on the ground floor, before Pete and I stormed our way out and into the parking lot. 

He handed me my keys and we both climbed in separated cars, started the engines, he drove off first before I followed from behind.

Here's another day where Pete is being all crazy without a reason. He was speeding up even though there's a car in the same lane before him, he's all jumpy and mostly feeling delighted in all of a sudden. This is just an usual Pete and I knew that, but it just doesn't feel the same when I have someone else in mind besides him. I betrayed him and I knew that as well, I'm unworthy to be with after all.

But he's still there with me, filling up the empty hole when I'm so alone. He knew how I felt about everything, but he's determined to not let me go ever again. 

The drive was a bit too far, it took at least an hour to get there because it's out of anywhere. There's no car around except for some expensive shits that were all parked right next to a ducking huge mansion— must I say. 

Pete pulled his car next to a Chevrolet Corvette ZO6 '14, with the lucky owner still sitting inside, perhaps chatting with the person in the passenger seat. I stopped my car at some empty spaces, before climbing out and marched my way thoughtfully towards Pete— who had also gotten out of his car.

"I thought that you were joking about going out on a race. Why did you brought me along?" I began, whispering rather harshly while pulling at his sleeves. I scanned my eyes around the peoples, only to find that no one was actually looking at our newest appearance.

There's a rosy red Ginetta F400 came into view from the main road, and it finally halted next to a silver Ferrari 458 M Turbo. "This race is in pairs, I chose you to join with me so that I could compete." Pete informed, automatically snapping my view away from the previous car I was staring at. 

"How long is the route?" I probed again and now impatiently tapping a foot against the tarred road. "Where do we start, and where will the race ends?" 

"The route isn't that long. You drive a hundred mph, you'll arrive in five minutes. But sure we'll drive faster than that, am I right?"

"Of course." I lamely shrugged and wondered around, before I was met with a familiar guy that I've seen from the big race. A violet GTA Spano 2014 was next to him, and he was leaning against it without even a hint of tension on his face. But sure he curved a frown when I reached closer, I was staring too obviously. 

"Hey, how can I help you?" His British accent was thick, and I knew just three man with thick British accent who was joining the race about three weeks ago. He could be the founder of the annual race, but he could also be his friends. Not remembering their faces really hurts, to be honest. 

"Uh, no-nothing." You know how it feels when you stared at someone and when you got caught, you started to turn your face away, because that's what I'm literally doing right now. A layer of red crimson covered all over my cheeks when I heaved myself further from him, my face was turning 180°.

Congrats, Frank. Congrats.

Just being the dumbass I am, I kept wondering around the place, staring at peoples while keeping an eye closely at what Pete's doing, because sure he can cheats on me when I'm not around. Just like how I cheated on him when he's not around.

Gosh, I'm an idiot.

I bumped into a person who's taller than me, he paired a patterned greyish long sleeved shirt with a black waistcoat. The sleeves of his shirt were folded up to his elbow and there's a black shade rimmed his eyes.

"Uh, sorry." I began awkwardly, backing away a few small steps to take a better look at him.

"Ar-Are you Pete's boyfriend?" He suddenly asked and I nodded, barely even. "I think he's calling for you." He then pointed at the direction where Pete was standing, smirking. "I'm Brendon Urie, by the way. The one that owned the sweet Ferrari 458 M Turbo." His smile was getting bigger and eventually turned into a large grin, his teeth was sending shines all the way to my eyes that it hurts like hell to see— but he's pretty good looking, to be honest. 

Describing him will take more than an hour, the perfections were all showing off from him, I can even see him as a perfect person even from a thousand miles far, he's just, beautiful, must I say. Not that I'm actually having a weird bubbling feeling by my stomach right now, but yeah, I would date him if I didn't have Pete and Gerard already.

Damn it, Gerard.

I can't even stop thinking of him even though I had forced myself to —or even I didn't — and it's hurting me mentally to imaging his lifeless body laying on the bed. I can see him every time I close my eyes, I can see him casting over my eyelids when I'm heaving into pure darkness, he's all around me every time I shut myself away. 

Desperately needed to see him is what I'm tasting right now, though I'm pretty sure that my dreams wouldn't becoming vivid because it's impossible to reach for. My journey is always limited, always have the border line just near me every time I'm almost succeeding in reaching for something. Just as always, when I find myself near to something I long for so long, I'd just be parted away in an instant. I'm devoid of fortune, and I'm not denying the fact that I'm another worthless shit playing around.

I'm critiquing myself for a reason, and I refused to tell so. As I was getting muted in all of a sudden, Brendon observed me with a long gaze that instantly made me felt incredibly uneasy. His eyes were on me, examining as he was trying to figure out the reason to why I'm silent in all of a fucking sudden. I pursed my lips, taking in a long breath. "I'm Frank, by the way." I said in a low voice, "I better go to Pete now, I don't want him to wait so long." 

"Alright, Frank." And then there, I took my step cautiously towards Pete and raised an eyebrow when I was nearer, he looked so calm, yet there's another mystery emotion hidden underneath his firm mask. I couldn't tell what he's feeling, but I know that he must be pissed off or even annoyed by something that bothered him probably a little to much.

"Frank," he began and took a firm grab of my arm, "You shouldn't be talking to anybody right now." It was weird seeing him that worried about me talking to some strangers that I'll never knew of. He was being paranoid, and I had guessed that a few seconds ago. The feeling attached to me so well that I'm might be crawling down the stairs and into the basement just to roll myself over the cold floor, trying to hide my ugly cries away from anyone so that they wouldn't know that I'm in a major misery. 

And what's weird is that I don't even have a basement, and I am sure that I'm not yet trapped in a misery because there's a lot of people who's hurting terribly out there. I'm not into that stage yet, just not yet arriving to another level of disaster.

"Why?" I leaned my body against his car, propped myself up with my elbow on the top. He looked so serious about everything, he wasn't in his great mood again, he became gloomy and at the same time sending me bad vibes.

I need to tell him to KEEP HIS BAD VIBES OUT OF MY CORNFLAKES!

"You can suddenly stick by them anytime because they're pretty cute." 

"You admitted that yourself." I chuckled, shaking my head as I stared at him under my vision of disbelief. "You said that, not me." I added and kept giggling at him.

"I bet you thought the same, didn't you?"

"Nah, just drop it. Now, when will the race starts? We've been here for about fifteen minutes and the race haven't yet started." I exclaimed and had my eyes casting about the escort, everyone's still talking and some were just playing around with their chairs. And surely, there's no sign that there's any race around. 

But then, everything around started to chance, everyone was going all around and climbed in their cars, moving in pairs just like what Pete told me.

"Look, you haven't described the rules to me yet." I was fairly confused, he motioned me to get in and so I did. I climbed into my car and ignited the engine, before I followed Pete to the other side of the place. It took a few minutes before there's another road in view, there's barely even a car around when we arrived, now all setting up into their spots— in pairs, of course. Brendon's car and that Ginetta in one spot, a GTA Spano next to an Audi R8 V10, a Chevrolet Corvette ZO6 '14 next to a Maserati Grand Turismo Sport, and of course my smoking hot Mclaren beside to Pete's Chrysler. I cast upon the cars and landscape around me, trying to sort everything out so that I wouldn't be this confuse again. 

My phone then suddenly buzzed in my pocket and I slid it out before peering at the caller's ID, my finger flicked over the screen as I neared it to an ear, not bothering to put the headphones in. "Hey, babe. Let me tell you about this race, it's in pairs, am I correct?" He started as I heard him heating up his engine, and I heard him silently smirk through the speaker. "You need to pass through the line with me just before the other cars slide in. Which means that you need to always follow my track -or even I must follow your track- and go pass the finish line just in time in order to win. The other rules are just the same, the first pair to go in first wins. Easy, right?"

"Hmm, yeah. But how weird that I don't even know where's the goddamn finish line is." I spat almost abruptly, but my voice was low and kind of calm, not really snapping. I glanced over at him and barely can make up his shadow from under the darkly tinted windows, all that I managed to shape was just a bit of light that glittered from the front board. 

"Just follow where I'm going, it'll be fine. The prize is fucking fantastic that we should really win this race. Brenny really had done a great work at selecting what the prize should be."

"How come I don't know what's the prize is?"

"Hey, chill down. I'm here to tell you the prize, Frankie. It's a motherfucking car that you'd never thought Brenny can fucking buy, Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport Vitesse '12."

"Are you talking the truth or was that just a motivation for us to chase for a prize that never existed? You put a bet on our cars, didn't you?" I asked in a tone that I couldn't quite describe. It was silence for a few moments, before a loud siren can be heard from the outside and a man came in view. 

"Let's just talk about it after the race, okay? There's no time to discuss this." I hung up first, didn't bother to respond to his words because for god's sake, I knew so well that this will trip us to a stupid argument. I knew that we shouldn't even participate into this fucking race because it'll just drops up down and we are needing to crawl back up to a stable relationship. We were both immature and sensitive, every small things and problems will get big and major. 

But sure, putting bets onto our cars wasn't a small issue. 

I threw the phone onto the seat beside me and gazed up towards all the cars. I let out a sigh and rubbed my eyes briefly before everything went on chaos. All the expensive shit started to move, super fast and rapidly shifted forward. Without hesitating, I pressed a foot onto the pedal just as I was changing the gear, instantly jolting the car forward. The radio was shit, but I couldn't be bothered to change it as I had fully focused my vision on the road before me, biting down my lip as I kept turning the gear when the car moved faster.

Just like another ordinary illegal race, we dodged a few cars and tried to not get involve this into a police case. But I'm actually pretty sure that someone had called the police and told them that there's some douche bags raced on an open road like a narrow minded. 

Honestly, I've been caught by the police before, and my fucktard of a family bailed me out before giving me some false hopes. After a few weeks of fake comfort, they dumped me into an apartment -the one that I'm living in- and pay to get back my car before disappearing out of the country to Italy. That was a few months ago, I guess. 

I'm still not over it, actually. But I guess I kind of stuck in this situation for the rest of my life, which I wouldn't mind really much. 

As I was passing by a massive fucking truck, someone honked at me for being reckless and I clearly heard the side of my car rubbed against an unknown object. I can hear the sound of the metal clashing against another one, which was ear piercing and almost made me lose control of my moving car. 

I was trying to organize everything back until I realized that I had just scratched the side of my car with another car, I bet. The result must be huge and devastating, which was why I almost let out a tear. The impact wasn't detectable, but sure the sound actually told everything. I hope that whoever the owner was would be all mad at me and jotted at the plate number of my car before informing the police about it.

Worst case scenario, to be honest.

If that happens, there's a lot of chance that I'll be back in jail and lose my car for the second time. They'll take my money and clothes before throwing me into a filthy cell with the others- and I'm pretty sure that I'll get beat up just like before.

Living in a jail isn't the greatest thing ever, and it's worse if your cellmates are some dark creatures from the core of the earth. There's even some manwhore in there, to be honest. I've eyewitnesses a few men giving blowjobs to the peoples in there, in the middle of the night and in the shower room were the most active places from it to happen. It's creepy to watch, which was why I insisted myself to get away from them. There's an offer given to me, but I rejected it instantly because it's very disgusting. And a few days after, my parents came and brought me out.

Spending a few weeks in the cell wasn't a brilliant activity to do after I got out of college. I went to an art school, the certificate I received wasn't at all useful because I realized that art what the root of my career will be.

Such a waste of time, wasn't it?

Now, let's get back to focus on the race I'm currently participating in. I saw the the other opponents were all being almost reckless, they almost crash into a car, slipping through small spaces very dangerously and almost skidded into a tree by the side of the road. The lane has been busy and there's a lot of vehicles around- trucks, mostly. Pete was just before me, and I just realized that there's two pairs were chasing from out back, which means that we're the second pair right now. 

Brendon's Ferrari 458 M Turbo and a red Ginetta were before us, and I was determined to get pass them in all of a fucking sudden. My foot was pressing the pedal harder, using my nitro was such a waste so I didn't press on the button just yet. Pete's speeding rapidly and I gaped when he's in the same line as the Ginetta, but then a Gta Spano slid pass me and I groaned in disappointment. The British guy winked an eye at me before he glued his eyes back onto the road ahead. 

I almost jumped off my seat when they all suddenly made a sharp turn to the left and entered in a stony road. I almost drifted, but I'm glad I didn't because it'll cause the result of me hitting another car and perhaps getting hurt so badly. 

The dirt flew up the air every time our tires spun against the road, causing our visions to be blurry and our cars to be coated in dirt. The sounds of pebbles smashing against the steel of my car made me feel worried about the condition, but sure it wouldn't cause any major crack. 

I felt the need to speed up in all of a sudden, before I pushed on the button and abruptly skidded forward, passing by a few cars and finally go to Pete. It was unexpected for me to go that fast, which was 220 miles per hour. Not the full speed because the limit is 235 miles per hour, but it's fine I guess. I noticed that there's a bit of gas left in my tank, which caused me to guess how much time left before it emptied fully. 

But sure that wasn't what I should think of. 

I was worried about losing our cars, and when we were very near to a man holding a red flag in his hand, I grinned widely because we were almost in the front. But that was before the red Ginetta came back again and finally passed through it with the Ferrari. 

My heart fucking dropped and I felt my breath got thicker, but I actually haven't confirm the fact that our cars were put on a bet or not. We came by the finish line with the title of a runner up, which was a bit disappointing but still was fun. 

Pete got out after he halted, and I swear that I can see tears pricked by his eyeliner rimmed eyes. He sighed loudly as I climbed out of my own car after I snatched my phone and stuffed it inside my pocket, he was biting down his lips when he looked around. He panicked when Brendon and an unknown guy came and stood next to us, which was why I followed him by panicking the hell out.

"Say goodbye to your McLaren, babe." He said to me with a look of sympathy captured in his eyes. 

"What?!" I all but spat, my chest was raising up and down in an unusual pace. 

"You hear him right, Frank." Brendon interrupted with a smug on his face as he looked over our cars. "That Chrysler is going to be mine and that McLaren is going to be yours, Ry sweetheart." 

"Of fucking course I'm choosing the McLaren. That's a sexy car, damn it." The person -I'm assuming his nickname was Ry- exclaimed in an excited voice, which caused me to grit my teeth and took in a large breath. 

"Hold on! You're not going to take my car away from me!" I almost screamed when I couldn't take it anymore. I was filled of pure rage and anger, and I would explode anytime soon.

I never liked the feeling of losing something special, I've been through this a dozen of times before but I guessed that this is one of the worst incident that ever happened to me. I looked over the shiny steel of my car and grazed a finger on the scratches that was affected by today's race, my stomach dropped down and I almost felt like puking.

"Looks like Peter didn't discuss with you about that earlier. It's not yours anymore, anyways." He said in a light tone, and I knew whose blame this should be put on. I glared at him evilly as I felt myself ablaze, all my trust towards him burnt into ashes and I felt mostly devastated at what's happening all around. 

"Frankie, I'm going to buy us a car I fucking swear I would." Pete's voice was pleading me to stop from screaming and freaking out. But sure he wasn't at all helping my current feeling. The other guys came after us and I felt myself getting embarrassed in front of everyone, every eyes were stabbing through our bodies and each of them were looking very closely, though some were busy talking and chatting while smoking their cigarettes. 

My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket and I instanty slid it out before staring at the text that I received from Mikey way too blankly. I sucked in a sharp breath as I stared up at all of the peoples, wanting to pick someone that can help me with this situation I just forced myself to get into. 

Everything seemed to be all blurry in a second, and their chit chats got stronger and louder, which caused me to range a bit lower than my usual condition. I stared at Pete's dull eyes and silently apologizing to him, I knew that I shouldn't even do this because I'll betray his trust on me- but he had done something barely forgivable so I though that it's kind of fair. 

Beyond anything in the world at this very moment, there's just one thing that I wouldn't kill to do and to seek for. I need to do it for myself, though I'm not even sure whether it's alright to do it without hurting someone. 

"Who can lend me a car?" I probed as I examined every of their features, feeling a trail of sweat washed down my skin.

"Hey, where are you going?"


	16. Lost In The Echo

I felt the worst bile crawled up my throat and a huge thud was pulsing at the back of my head, my fingers were trembling as I stared into Pete's dark eyes - I didn't know what to tell to him now that there's no excuses left. He knew probably everything, each small details and every of the secrets that I've been keeping away from him, I thought that it was a great idea to just let him know the actual problem beneath this absolute rush that I found myself involved into.

"I'm urgently in need to be there right now," my voice was quite shaky and breathy, my tongue were almost numb when I tried to speak out. His grip on my arm were tighter and I had a feeling that he was going to leave a mark of a handprint on my skin afterwards, all that left was just to wait and see. 

"Please, Frankie. I know that you can do better than this, please don't leave me alone to handle with all of these issues," he was pleading me very innocently with all the eyes around us staring amusedly, I was quite embarrassed by the fact that there were a few peoples watching us intensely without having any attempt to stray their views away from us. They wouldn't give us any privacy, and that's such a bother to the both of us - or was it just to me?

"You built it up, you sort it out," I mindlessly spat at him and tried to rip his hands apart from holding tightly onto my freezing arm, my eyes were narrowed when he wouldn't let go and I couldn't do anything except for begging more. "Please just let me go, Pete. I quit from all of this games that you're playing on me - I'm done with everything. I know that you're not at all that loyal, I've figured out your relationship with Mikey days ago," I blurted out and tried my best not to let too much out so that I wouldn't build any scene around the other guys, I've always hated being the focal point right now but I couldn't help it. 

"Y-You what?" His voice shook quite badly and I forced a sigh out of my mouth, clearly frustrated with him. He knew that I could've guessed it well, or maybe he didn't notice that I overheard his conversation with his new boyfriend a while ago - it was much of a sweet talk over the phone, which convinced me that they were not just friends. I felt sorry for Ray, though - he's such a sweet guy but I guess that he needed someone that's better than Mikey. 

"You heard me, Peter. Surprise-surprise, it wasn't much of a shock when I found it out, though. I've always knew that you had a crush on him ever since you saw him for the first time at the race - he's such a handsome guy, I have to admit. I don't know how you two met up, but I never wanted to know either," I spat everything out and turned myself around, fidgeting with the keys of the McLaren that was still fitted in the pocket of my jeans. "I guess that this is the end of us, I've always wanted to break it off with you."

"No, Frank, please don't," he shook his head but I ignored his words and continued to search up for my own - my head was mashing up with a dozen of thoughts that came from every direction around me. 

"Our relationship is beyond repair. Both of us betrayed one another, we're even now, aren't we?" 

"I still love you, trust me. Please don't go to him, I can throw my relationship with Mikey away and put you up in front," his eyes were glistening as the sunlight shone over them, and I sensed a drip of tear coating the blackish bag under an eye of his - but there was no turning back.

"It's over now, and all that I wish for you is that I hope you'll have a great future with the love of your heart. You're happy with him, he's somewhat better than a prick as I am," I murmured almost under a tiny whisper, only to make sure the other wouldn't hear my words clearly but I was quite sure they heard me perfectly when I heard a sniff from a young man that I assumed was Ryan - who was, I'm quite sure, crying almost silently. Pete let go of me and I was finally free from any grip, my hand felt light when I lifted it to open up the door of the McLaren - and I'm glad that no one tried to stop me though I'm practically stealing a car now. 

I climbed into the driver's seat and ignited up the engine, smiling lightly as I heard the soft roar of the engine bumping against my ears. I was happy now that I get to meet the love of my life and I was, for once, became genuine to myself on my own feelings. I knew that it was always love, that was the emotion that always would make my heart flutter every time I thought of it - Gerard's something special and I knew I've always loved him. 

The car zoomed forward as I collided my foot against the gas pedal, wasn't in pure shock when it drove forward quite swiftly as always - my breathing was becoming ragged. It was as if I drowned in my own fear of losing someone, or even the fear of loving someone that I'd came to care so much about, I was suffocating and might be dying slowly in this very moment, but nothing's better than getting to meet up with someone I'm confirmed that I've fallen in love with. 

The car came back onto the main road, the wheels smoothly rolling over the tarred surface and the heat from the sunlight was stinging over my skin as it managed to get through the darkly tinted windows. My face changed into a frown when I detected a heavy traffic ahead, and I knew this could take so long until I finally arrive - and it pretty sucked because I will need to be stuck in a traffic jam. I didn't know why there were a lot of vehicles on the road at the moment, there might be a car crash happened ahead and caused the traffic to get overly slow - or even because there were just coincidentally a day where cars were a lot. 

I held in a muffled sigh and rubbed the back of my hand against my sweat-coated forehead, the surface was undeniably cold and wet, slightly greasy due to my laziness to take a shower earlier today. My eyes kept drooping to a shut every ten seconds, and I wondered if I've gotten a rest since the past few nights - of course I didn't. I couldn't sleep at all, I tried but I ended up sitting on the bed while staring at the empty space before me. It was a few days of restless nights, when thoughts were heavily loaded inside of my mind and my head refused to give me even the slightest break ever - it was agonizing, and I wished that Gerard would apologize for doing this to me, I knew that it was his fault. 

I kept blaming someone else for my own guilt, it was as if I couldn't accept the fact that it was all my fault - I did every of this to myself, I started it in the very beginning, I tricked someone and refused to say that it was my deed. As the car slowed down a little bit and finally came to a halt in the middle of the traffic, there was a punch stroked through my being and I arched my back at the odd emotion that began to tingle around. 

I felt a little more awake in all of a sudden, it was as if I'd gotten out of a state where I took a deep rest, internally. I started to think back at all the things that I've done in my life, and the most important issue came back to me and caused me to visibly cringe - I felt an intense pressure of guiltless, it was an unbearable emotion that suddenly planted a dark flower in me, a parasite. It kept blooming, growing bigger and healthier every time I took in a breath - it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I have to find a way to make him forgive me for the wrong that I've been thrashing into him, he was broken and the cause was me, I've been crashing him into thousands of small pieces - and I am pretty sure that the only one who could put the pieces back to a solid state is myself. I want to make it up again with him, I want to love him normally without hurting the both of us - I'm always confused. When I saw him for the first time, my main intention was just to have a race with him and then I became lustful, before my emotion changed to love. It was quite a while after I met him, maybe the day when he found that I had a boyfriend, the day when I realized that all my hopes on him crushed - I've always realized how depressed he seemed after that incident but I was so stupid that I let it grew into a rougher state.

The traffic began to move again but slowly and I pressed my foot gently down the gas pedal, after a few more deathly moments I managed to get out of the road and led myself to Gerard's estate - twenty more minutes and I'll arrive. My eyes constantly gazed around my surrounding without any reason, probably I was just being paranoid if someone followed me behind my back. 

There's quite a possibility that Pete would suit after me, but I hoped not. 

I drilled a hole into a tiny hut that was laid next to a golden gate, I've never took a good look at it until now - it was so rusty that I absentmindedly stifled a giggle. I'm guessing that Gerard's parents never bothered to fix the hut for the grumpy old security that I'd came to hate too much. I twirled the car to the side and stopped it just before the gate, peering strangely into the hut through the small window before I saw his face staring back at me, clearly unamused. I rolled the window down when he gestured me to do so, his eyes were dull and tired underneath the frames.

"What do you need, kid?" He almost spat at me but managed to keep his voice calm, his eyebrows were knitted together and his forehead crinkled badly. "The Ways are in need to be alone for now, there's no way they're letting you in."

"Mikey favored me to come."

"Sir Michael?" He bobbed an eyebrow up, trying to piss me off on purpose.

"There's no need to be formal, just tell him of my arrival, I'm sure he'll let me in," I groaned and impatiently tapped my fingers on my thigh, my blood was rushing rapidly over my whole body and I sensed a feel of wanting throwing up. He nodded bluntly and began to mumble to something that I wasn't quite sure what it was, his eyes rolled as I saw him mouthing my name before he gave in a sigh that was followed by a slight nod of his head. 

"Get in, he's waiting for you," the gate slid open and I stuck out a tongue at him before speeding the car forward and entered the house compound. It still looked pretty much the same as it was before, the grasses had probably grown taller but that was all. I parked my car - began to consider it as my car again - at the usual spot before climbing out, struggling slightly due to my trembling being. I began my walk towards the front door and detected Mikey standing anxiously in the porch, his foot was kicking against the granite pole that was standing just right next to the door, he was also biting his fingernails. Widening his eyes in the process, he came to me and embraced me in an unexpected hug, squeezing the air out of my lungs.

"He's awake, Frank. I couldn't believe it but he has finally woken up, but quite odd. He hardly remembered my parents and I, he also eyed me weirdly, he's different! He kept smirking and he looked at me like a hawk, it was as if he's up for any incest activity!" He cried out as he snuggled his face against my shoulder, his grip on my body tightened and he let out a few strangled sobs - he was crying and I found it quite strange, this shit that happened must be serious.

"Wh-What makes you think that he's..." I trailed away and pushed him slightly to stare into his bloodshot eyes, tear staining on his crimson cheeks. 

"He.. He," he broke down again and I could do nothing except for stroking his back ever so slightly in wish that it would give him some comfort, but I realized that it was such a waste when he didn't show any sign of relaxing. "He almost kissed me, Frank! He seemed to still be in pain because he hissed when he turned himself to lay on his side, he was confused at first but after a few moments, he started to go bananas," I laughed slightly at his choice of words but then when the realization hit me, my face dropped.

"I need to see him," I insisted as I led him in, closing the door behind us and hovered over to the room where his brother was placed in, my fingers were trembling so badly. Mikey was clinging on me scaredly, his breath was thick and he quivered against me, his eyes were wide and still bloodshot. We arrived by the door, his grasp on my arm tightened and he let out a few gasps - it was funny to see him stuck by my small frame while he was acting out like a child.

"Frank, I-I don't want you to get h-hurt," his words surprised me and I jumped slightly, my face crinkled.

"How could I get hurt?" I asked him plainly, his eyes narrowed as I leaned myself against the door and he let go of me rather slowly. "He cou-"

"No Mikey, he wouldn't. I'll be fine, I promise. He's still sick, he couldn't even get out of the bed yet," I murmured and placed a hand on his shoulder, he looked so small and fragile when he's letting out his tears - though everyone knows that I'm actually the small one. 

"I'll be waiting in there," he pointed a hand at the kitchen, his fingers were shaking so badly, "I need to get myself some water."

"That's a great idea, maybe you should also wash your face to get the tears off," I smiled slightly only to cheer him up, and I was shocked to see him returning my gesture. I could sense a slight hate on him, but he was just so broken right now that I needed to treat him nicely. He changed since the accident, he was acting coldly towards Gerard and I but now he was becoming quite warm - he treated me as if we're friends. 

He nodded before turning over and began to walk away, his lanky frame looked strange as it continued to tremble, he looked sick and he was becoming a living skeleton. He was skinnier than before, his cheekbones were showing and his entire sculpture became tinier - he must've been escaping his meals frequently or... No, it couldn't be it. 

It's not my problem to interfere so I'd just place it away.

The doorknob tasted cold against my wet palm, the steel was stinging my skin but I kept my hand still, taking in a deep breath before turning it around. I saw a motionless figure lying limp on the bed, his eyes were shut and his whole body was relaxing - he seemed to be in a peaceful state just like how he was before, but he looked more alive. I shut the door behind me and tiptoed towards him, the room was oddly silent except for the constant ringing from the electronic machines that was crowding around the bed.

As I arrived, I stared into his face and realized how his skin was reddish now, the bags under his eyes seemed to vanish slightly and his lips were pink in color. He did looked alive now, it was as if there's a soul hiding under the frame and the sight just gave me a sigh of relief - he was finally back again. But I was quite concerned because Mikey told me that he's different now, he described him as lustful which was not at all good - it's terrible.

He almost grazed my hand against his skin when he suddenly snapped his eyes open, staring at me with his blurry pupils as he tried to adjust the view - I hoped that he still remembers me, because if not I'll be disappointed, though I might have thought that it's better for him to forget about me fully. I sucked in a breath when I saw him examining my face, the end of his lips curved up into a small smirk and there was suddenly a shine went through his hazel eyes.

"Oh my... cute," he raised both of his eyebrows and held the smirk pretty long, I believed what Mikey told me of him being different. He changed, he wasn't himself anymore and I wonder what old personality of his still managed to survive - I loved the old him so much. 

"Gee.." I felt a drip of tear falling from my eyes, ending up splashing onto his soft skin but he barely noticed it - he was still lost.

"What's your name?" It was random from his mouth, and in the very moment I knew that he didn't remember me - he might still remember his family though Mikey informed that he barely remember of them, but he totally forgotten who I am. Flash of my memories with him began to cross over my face, and I felt myself breaking down and I knelt down next to the bed, gripping at his cold arm. I saw him frowning slightly, not actually reacting towards what he'd just seen before his eyes - I hoped that he'll remember, I have to make him remember.

"I-I'm so sorry, Gerard," I whispered to myself and wipe off the tears, my eyes were boring into his pair and he placed a hand onto my head, ruffling my hair gently - I missed his touch.

"I would hug you now for comfort but I'm stuck in this bed, and my family refused to let me move majorly. It was weird that when I woke up from a weird dream, all that I could remember was a slight memory of my parents and Mikey - and then there's a strange guy that came into the frame and he looked just like you," he stifled a tiny laugh and I couldn't help but smile - he remembered. "But how odd it is that I couldn't remember even a single memory of the person - all that I have is the face."

"It's me, Gerard," I sighed, "Frank," I felt his hand stroked over my cheek and I took in a breath, my smile grew wider. 

"Now, who the fuck cares about your name? You're just so hot, I would fuck you right now," he suddenly purred and I found myself jolting into a standing position, my heartbeat picked up abruptly and I clutched at my chest tightly - the barricades around my eyes broke fully and I felt tears spilling out of my eyes. 

He was different, totally. 

"Ge-Gerard?" My lips were trembling as his name flung out of my mouth, my back was now against the wall and he was staring at me with a grin displayed on his face - his teeth were glistening. He hadn't moved from the bed yet, but he was quite creepy and that caused the hair at the back of my neck stood up, I instantly felt uncomfortable being around him. The personality just didn't fit him right, it was only lust - the part that might have been hiding beneath the old Gerard. 

How could he change into an absolute different person? 

Now that a spot had been unsealed, it began to surface the skin, playing around foolishly.

[IMPORTANT]   
Need to remind you that Gerard almost kissed Mikey because his last memory of him with him was when he kissed Mikey - I hoped that you still remember that moment that I've mentioned at the beginning of the story.   
[IMPORTANT]


End file.
